Anyone else "out there" who feels the same way?

I have never been pregnant. I am not a kid person. I am ok with not having kids. I wanted to know if there is anyone else "out there" who feels the same way. I have known since I was very young...(before I even got my period) that I didn't want to be a mom. Now, I have this hysterectomy...I know I am going to get asked...if I have children...it's weird telling people I just had a hysterectomy... first I get asked about the having children then I get told....boy you are so young...32 hmmm help is greatly appreciated... thanks -Sarah

Although I have kids, I can understand. I was always the only girl in the group who's dream didn't include marriage and kids. All the other girls were playing house and dreaming of weddings and babies. Not me! I was climbing trees and dreaming of working for the FBI, lol!
And even though I do have kids, people STILL ask me if I wanted more. Seriously people? Do I look like a baby factory? I think some people still think womens job is to breed. Not to mention, I had my tubes tied years before my hyster, and I just turned 35. So I also get the "OMG! You are so young. You must be devastated!". They are shocked when I tell them I'm ready to celebrate being uterus free.

Hi Silverkiss,
I hear you. I'm 36 y.o., childless & just had LAVH 2 days ago! I had a couple of people tell me "I'm sorry" when they heard. My reaction was always don't be sorry, it's a good thing & I'm thrilled -like Pepalou I'm ready to celebrate! It's been too long I've been living restricted & feeling badly.
Unlike you I am definitely a "kid person" but every since I was young I've wanted to adopt my kids so again bearing my own children was soo not an issue for me.
Best wishes for a speedy recovery!

I hear ya! I am 28, had my hyst in april. Never had children...really didn't want any of my own....MIL told me that women should stay at home all day and keep having babies! I told her I am not a baby factory. God has plans for every woman and children weren't in his plan for me...adoption has been discussed but that is really just a discussion, more to placate other peoples curiosity. WE get asked all the time becuase we are both "SO YOUNG" about children and adoption. My hubby and I are both content that we are able to walk around the house naked w/o having to dodge teenagers.....so you aren't alone. ;-)

there's no reason you have to feel compelled to tell people about your hysterectomy, in any case. it's your body. it's okay to just answer a confident "no" to the do-you-have-kids-Q and let the silence hang on that moment while you give a direct look into the awkward asker's eyes. Or, come up with another reply to this nosy question, such as "why do you ask?" or "No, how about you?" -- because if you ask a mom this, they'll launch, most likely, right into non-stop talking about how crazy life is raising kids but how wonderful all the same, LOL, and they'll forget about pressing you for more details! Or, redirect entirely with, "I have a (fill-in-the-blank, i.e., dog, horse, sailboat, all-consuming-job) that keeps me plenty busy..." and voila, you've changed the topic.

don't feel compelled or obligated to explain your answers, no matter to who. talking about your personal life and decisions should be something that arises out of trust as you make a friend or feel a good connection. in fact, relatives are among the worst offenders of nosing their way into our private lives, assuming entitlement to explore confidential/intimate matters, and asking inappropriate questions. in my case, i didn't tell my m.i.l. about my hysterectomy until afterwards, because i did not want to discuss my personal reproductive health with her. no need to go there, and that was that. dh told her 4 days post-op, simply to ask for prayer support and explain our unavailability for several weeks. she was miffed at first, but came to her senses that it's MY body, and i don't need her approval or consent.

hope this helps. btw, i have four kids, youngest is adopted, and i am overwhelmed! wishing i could walk naked through my house any time of day i want!!!!! can't recall the last time i could greet my loving dh at the door after a tough day at work wearing only chanel no. 9...

and, good for you doing something proactive about the discomfort you've been living with. no need to feel obligated to live years with that just to make it seem "valid" to others once you're in the late 30s or 40s. best to you, and wishes for smooth healing.

I agree with Sue, you really don't owe anyone an explanation!

I made the mistake of telling people about the hyster, and frankly some folks really let me down! At the same time, some folks really stepped up and offered their support

For a long time I thought I didn't want children, even had a TL when I was 25. Around 30 I changed my mind, thinking I was healthy we did two rounds of IVF. I wasn't healthy, my old GYN "forgot" to tell me about the endo growing in me... so the IVF failed, and the meds made the endo go so crazy I had to have the hyster.

We were working on adopting, but that's on hold until I get my hormones straight!

I have never wanted children....ever and have said that if I ever changed my mind I would adopt. I never changed my mind and now am unable to and I'm ok with that.
It is difficult to bring up in conversation.
I run a clothing store and have a lot of customers who come in so much that I know everything about them.When I went back to work last week it was strange when they asked me where I had been. I hadn't really thought about what to say! I know the majority of them are just asking to be polite, which is fine, so I decided that I would give a vague answer like "oh, just took some time off" and then turn the conversation to them..."what have you been up to"? (I really wanted to tell people I had some great plastic surgery, like breast or butt implants, but I can't back that up. LOL)
The few people that I have a little better connection with, I have been honest with and they actually have been really polite and said something like "oh are you ok with this" which I think is a great response because they are not projecting onto me that it should be a horrible experience. I say yes, it was a great decision for me and then we talk just like before about anything...without the weird tension.
The only awkward conversation I've had was with a pregnant woman, who was due yesterday actually, and she almost cried because apparently before she knew she was pregnant she was scheduled to have a hyster!! She had a lot of questions about recovery that I wanted to share with her, but it was a little weird to do so at work!!! I told her to check out this website when she had some time if she was still planning on the surgery.
Ok, Sorry this was so long, but I had been thinking a lot about this topic yesterday, so thanks for bringing it up!!!

I have never wanted to have kids either and am not a "kid" person-though I love working with teens. American culture is very oriented towards having kids and there is a lot of pressure to do so-like your life is somehow not "complete" or totally "adult" if you don't marry and reproduce!
I'm totally at peace with not making babies-I'd rather "reproduce" my ideas, empathy and interests through teaching, management and friendship.

This thread precisely outlines the problem with heteronormativity. I'm 34 and have never wanted kids. My partner has 3 teenagers, who thankfully, do not live with us. Don't give in to outdated cultural mandates! It's 2010.

y, you're right cultural mandates can bring a lot of pressure to bear on anyone who chooses to live differently. at the same time, while this is a senstive topic, it is equally awkward (maybe painful) to go through this experience young and lose the chance to bear children naturally -- it's okay to want children (one or lots), as much as it's okay to not want them. i am not at all a "kid person," in fact, but still wanted a large family. i joke that my 4th kid is actually No. 4,5, and 6 because of her spunk. otherwise i would adopt again in a heartbeat. ethnically, she is chinese whereas i/dh and 3 kids are not. this is a cultural awkwardness in itself, and we had PLENTY of invasive/nosy Qs from well-meaning people about our reasons to adopt. so we learned early on that "her story" is just that -- hers. we have openness at home, but we are under no compulsion to explain ourselves to others. meanwhile, we can't imagine life without her. for those who do want children, i wish i could help the world better understand that adoption is a wonderful way to make a family. and for my daughter, it has ensured that she will never "age-out" in an institution and end up on the streets with no options, or worse.

i'm impressed some people know so clearly what they want, or not. i'm also glad to be living confidently myself that dreams in my own life have been coming true, and hysterectomy is now a part of that -- i dream of having more energy to live a full life with my family for years to come.