Did anyone have low sex drive BEFORE your hysterectomy? Is it better after?

I actually bought a romance novel several months ago to try to help with this but I never even started reading it. I guess I just am not interested in that genre. I'm more of a political book junkie or other non-fiction. I'm not saying it wouldn't work, I just kept putting it off.

Ive always had a low sex drive. Sometimes stemming from feeling insecure about how I look (even though my husband didnt seem to mind) but mostly because I don't seem to climax very often, especially not with intercourse (sorry if TMI).

I often wondered if it was my weight and hoped that after losing weight (Ive lost 170+lbs after gastric bypass) that it would be better. But nope.

Now, I dont even finish orally anymore. My husband thinks I do because I have to fake it to get him to stop lol. He is fantastic and wants to make sure I am satisfied which means he wont stop until he knows/thinks I am. If I don't fake it, I end up getting frustrated the longer it goes on without me "finishing". Ugh!

Overall since my hysterectomy surgery I have felt fine physically. Emotionally I am a wreck!. Ive noticed my weight shift into my thighs and butt, not in a good way. My hair is limp, dull and lifeless. My skin is terrible, saggy around my chin/neck and I have terrible bags under my eyes. This is effecting my every day. Im miserable.

Which brings us back to sex. The subjects of this long tangent effect how I feel about myself which msjes makes me not want to do anything, especially have sex. <sigh >…

What about toys? This is way TIM, but toys play a big part in my sex life. I don't do inserting, just vibrators for clitoral stimulation. I hate to hear of women not being able to climax.

	Quote:
Originally Posted by milkmachine1 What about toys? This is way TIM, but toys play a big part in my sex life. I don't do inserting, just vibrators for clitoral stimulation. I hate to hear of women not being able to climax.

Ive used toys before, externally like you and sometimes it works. But while my husband appears ok with me needing them, I can tell it bothers him to an extent. He assumes its him.

Whatever. Im at the point where I dont even care anymore. My body is so different, inside and definitely out. I feel betrayed by my own body in so many ways. Im just over it all to be honest. 38 yrs old and I am just done.

What most women (and men) don't realize is that it is very difficult for most women to climax without clitoral stimulation. I am always amazed to find out when speaking with women how many don't climax or hardly climax. We've been raised as women to hide from our bodies, not embrace them. It is okay for men to sleep around, masturbate, think of sex all the time, but it isn't okay for women. That is wrong. Completely wrong.

We are sexual beings. We are supposed to climax. I encourage each and every one of you that struggles to push the bad thoughts out of your head and discover your body. You need to touch yourself, look at yourself, believe in yourself. There is nothing wrong or dirty about masturbation. There is nothing wrong or dirty about vibrators or clitoral stimulation during sex. It doesn't mean that your husband or significant other isn't good or failing in any way. It is that we don't fully understand our bodies and what feels good.

I am grateful that I had a boyfriend that introduced me to my body and all that it can do. He was an awful boyfriend, but was an amazing sexual partner and taught me how to be a sexual being. We need not be afraid of our bodies or think poorly of what we need to feel good. Thankfully we now have the internet and can look up anything. So learn about yourself. Have your husband or boyfriend learn with you. There is nothing to be ashamed of, only new and lovely experiences to be had, along with wonderful orgasms. No one is failing here, you are still discovering. Don't be afraid of your own body. It is a temple. It deserves to feel good.

	Quote:
Originally Posted by milkmachine1 What most women (and men) don't realize is that it is very difficult for most women to climax without clitoral stimulation. I am always amazed to find out when speaking with women how many don't climax or hardly climax. We've been raised as women to hide from our bodies, not embrace them. It is okay for men to sleep around, masturbate, think of sex all the time, but it isn't okay for women. That is wrong. Completely wrong. We are sexual beings. We are supposed to climax. I encourage each and every one of you that struggles to push the bad thoughts out of your head and discover your body. You need to touch yourself, look at yourself, believe in yourself. There is nothing wrong or dirty about masturbation. There is nothing wrong or dirty about vibrators or clitoral stimulation during sex. It doesn't mean that your husband or significant other isn't good or failing in any way. It is that we don't fully understand our bodies and what feels good. I am grateful that I had a boyfriend that introduced me to my body and all that it can do. He was an awful boyfriend, but was an amazing sexual partner and taught me how to be a sexual being. We need not be afraid of our bodies or think poorly of what we need to feel good. Thankfully we now have the internet and can look up anything. So learn about yourself. Have your husband or boyfriend learn with you. There is nothing to be ashamed of, only new and lovely experiences to be had, along with wonderful orgasms. No one is failing here, you are still discovering. Don't be afraid of your own body. It is a temple. It deserves to feel good.

My husband encourages me to pleasure myself, esp if he can watch lol. I just get tense and it doesnt work. Alone it will, most of the time. In general I am just disgusted with what has changed with my body, inside and out, since my hyst.

I'm with you Andrea. My surgery was an emergency to save my life so I had no time to prepare and didn't know what to expect. Could it be a little post traumatic stress syndrome?

There are some very real changes to my body post surgery that are not in my head like I am being told by friends and family.

The weight gain/shift in my legs and butt. Unfortunately not in a good way. I am retaining water in my hips and upper thighs, my face is pale and tired looking with huge bags under my eyes and droopy near my chin/neck.

My clothes arent laying on me the same. And I practically live at the gym. Nothing I do works anymore. Im an emotional wreck and I pretty much hate myself.

Dont want to go back on my antidepressant cause then I will gain more weight. Im petrified because I was morbidly obese a few yrs ago, lost 170+lbs and now I see it slowly climbing back on.

I just want to sleep. Only go to work because I have to, but wouldn't otherwise. I hate looking at myself. My kids are noticing and my husband feels helpless but is also at his wits end.

Ugh sorry for all of this.

It's good to get it out. We understand. I have anxiety issues and take meds for it. I make myself crazy at times.

Congrats on the huge weight loss. Try organic coconut butter for dry skin.

I would see your GP for the water retention and depression. There are meds that won't put the weight on. I know because I can't keep weight on and that has been a major challange. Drink plenty of water, it helps with everything.

Most of all, get a couple of cute outfits that you feel good in. Maybe a new haircut and color?

Make a new you in 2013 and call it celebrating me!!! Don't pay attention to what negativity family and friends bring to you. Stay positive and work on the "new" you.

This recovery is going to take more time then I think either of us thought. One day at a time my friend. We are all ears.

I wish you excellent health and overwhelming happiness in the new year. Make it about you!

Thanks. Ive been on Lexapro for 8yrs for depression, klonipin for panic disorder and seroquel for almost 3yrs. Haven't taken the Lexapro in weeks if not longer and the klonipin I am prescribed 3x daily but only take it as a rescue when needed. The seroquel is for bedtime.

Im a mess. Have been hospitalized 2x for my psychiatric issues. I have a bad serotonin imbalance.

Having money probs so I cant afford to get myself any new clothes or do something to my hair to make me "feel pretty". Even if I had the money it wouldn't matter though because I don't feel pretty ever. Im more critical about myself now than I was at 340lbs.

Im sorry, I know you (like so many others) are trying to help/offer advice. I wonder if Im a lost cause.

See why my husband has had it with me? Lol