Anger 1 week post hysterectomy

I had a lap assisted hysterectomy last Wednesday and have been home from the hospital since Monday. I find myself crying at the drop of a hat and today had two serious arguments with my husband.

I tried to tell him just to let it go, but he refused and had me crying uncontrollably after he told me, "right now I am your God" in relation to me having him be my caretaker. He finally left the house to run errands and I have been able to calm down a bit.

I worry as I have my 92 year old mother living with us and I don't want her to have to deal with this problem. What should I do when I feel myself getting upset? Anyone have any ways they counteract this anger?

I am new here and thank you in advance for any advice you can provide.

	Quote:
Originally Posted by Roses journey I had a lap assisted hysterectomy last Wednesday and have been home from the hospital since Monday. I find myself crying at the drop of a hat and today had two serious arguments with my husband. I tried to tell him just to let it go, but he refused and had me crying uncontrollably after he told me, "right now I am your God" in relation to me having him be my caretaker. He finally left the house to run errands and I have been able to calm down a bit. I worry as I have my 92 year old mother living with us and I don't want her to have to deal with this problem. What should I do when I feel myself getting upset? Anyone have any ways they counteract this anger? I am new here and thank you in advance for any advice you can provide.

I'm sorry you have to deal with that, I'm having some problems with my hubby too, I am 5 weeks post op and was told on Tuesday that I need another surgery, I am in constant pain but my hubby doesn't want me to have another operation ( I feel like my hysterectomy was an inconvenience for him) so we are arguing a lot, but when I find myself getting upset I go sit on the toilet an lock the door, sounds silly I know but it gives me some space an time to have a cry an settle down.
Sorry if I'm not much help to you but just wanted to let you know I feel you

I actually went to the master bathroom earlier today to calm down. Problem is, my mom lives in our master as it's the only downstairs bedroom in the house. I am hoping this doesn't bother her too much, but at least it's a place to hide.

I am so sorry to hear about your potential second surgery, that really sucks and I sure wouldn't want this pain to start over. I no my opinion I think you should do what you need to do for your own health and let him deal

Hope all goes well and thank you for the reply..

Just have to ask if this is normal behavior from your husband, because i know mine would never say those things to me and if he did i would wonder what else is going on. Is he stressed from your surgery? Having to take care of two people instead of one? Issues for him at work? If this isn't normal for him, i would start by talking to him while both are calm. If this normal for you two to fight like this, counseling may be in order. Someone telling you that they are your God is not normal. Hope you guys can work it out.

"Right now I am your God"......
I'm sorry, but I believe that your husband needs to change that attitude. I can't believe that he actually said that to you! Wow!
That is NOT okay regardless of how angry he gets or how many disagreements you two have.

I'm sorry that you are having to deal with this on top of trying to recover.
((((Hugs)))))

	Quote:
Originally Posted by Roses journey I had a lap assisted hysterectomy last Wednesday and have been home from the hospital since Monday. I find myself crying at the drop of a hat and today had two serious arguments with my husband. I tried to tell him just to let it go, but he refused and had me crying uncontrollably after he told me, "right now I am your God" in relation to me having him be my caretaker. He finally left the house to run errands and I have been able to calm down a bit. I worry as I have my 92 year old mother living with us and I don't want her to have to deal with this problem. What should I do when I feel myself getting upset? Anyone have any ways they counteract this anger? I am new here and thank you in advance for any advice you can provide.

Hi, welcome... You had your ovaries removed & its common to have an array of symptoms. Some may include anxiety, moodiness, etc. Call your Dr & explain how youre feeling. S/he may prescribe hormones or meds for anxiety for now. Theres a section for Mr Hister, that may help your husband understand. Its an adjustment on your body right now.

Is there any way to have a friend or other family member come in for a day and do the things you usually do?

There is no way to excuse what your husband said, is unacceptable to lord over you that way.

However, if he's feeling overwhelmed, he may be lashing out in any way he can to get away from such a huge responsibility. Not a great way, but he might not have the skills to deal with this situation. He may have thought he'd be a good care giver, but the reality is a lot different. This is especially true if you usually take care of him and the house and everything else.

If not a friend or family, can you afford to have a service come and clean/dust, just so the house isn't taking his time too?

I know that might seem trivial, but it could be one less thing for you both to stress about and give a fresh start to your surroundings. (My service is coming either tomorrow or Monday, they haven't given me a day and time yet. My husband IS overwhelmed after two surgeries in a row!)

Good luck. And one the dust has settled, ask wth he was thinking when he used those words? He surely can't believe them.

I can't believe your husband said that to you. Totally unacceptable. I would have been livid if mine talked to me that way. And he'd have been told that he is NEVER to speak to me that way again or I will tell his mother. And trust me, she wouldn't put up with that crap any more than I would. You have the right to be angry when he's behaving so badly. Heck, mine wouldn't want to face me when I'm feeling better if he had ever said that to me. I wouldn't have forgotten it and he'd soooo regret it and he knows it too.

I agree that you need to speak with your doctor about how you're feeling. She may be able to prescribe something that will allow you to get more control over your emotions.

I also think you need to sit down with your husband and try to discuss this rationally. Even have the doctor speak to him if you need to. He needs to understand that this isn't like having a tooth pulled, it's major body parts.

	Quote:
Originally Posted by Roses journey I had a lap assisted hysterectomy last Wednesday and have been home from the hospital since Monday. I find myself crying at the drop of a hat and today had two serious arguments with my husband. I tried to tell him just to let it go, but he refused and had me crying uncontrollably after he told me, "right now I am your God" in relation to me having him be my caretaker. He finally left the house to run errands and I have been able to calm down a bit. I worry as I have my 92 year old mother living with us and I don't want her to have to deal with this problem. What should I do when I feel myself getting upset? Anyone have any ways they counteract this anger? I am new here and thank you in advance for any advice you can provide.

Since you had your ovaries removed, you will be in surgical menopause. This causes an abrupt decrease in your hormones which can lead to weepiness, anger, hot flashes, etc. Has your doctor discussed hormone therapy (HRT) with you? If you are able to use HRT, I suggest you do some reasearch and make a list of questions for your doctor. Here is the link to the Hormone & Menopause Articles List. Scroll through and take a look at what interests you.

It does sound like your husband may be overwhelmed. If my DH said inappropriate things to me, I would quietly remove myself from the conversation before I responded in a way that would escalate things. At that point, nothing useful will be said so there's no point in continuing the discussion. Here are some articles you may wish to forward to your husband:

5 Things Your Family Needs to Know About Hysterectomy
Helping Your Husband Understand Hysterectomy
Mr. HysterSisters

I find acknowledging the help he has given so far to be really useful in keeping him helping... that is, if he has been helping. I hope he is able to jump on board and give you the support you need right now. Surgical menopause can be hard on the whole family, but he needs to be patient with you. Arguing is just putting additional stress on you and your elderly mom, which neither of you need right now!

Sorry I have not posted again sooner, but I lost my fifteen-year-old Pomeranian "Spike" right after this and have not really been up to par emotionally.

A couple of my girlfriends had a little chat with my husband and he has been much better. The other night I started crying uncontrollably after he had gone to sleep, he came to me, took my hand and said, "I'm here, but you don't need to talk if you don't want to". My girlfriends are getting a "girls night out" on me once I am more recovered.

Thank you all for your answers, they are very much appreciated. :-).