Just curious

I am one of those without a single qualm about the surgery I had... at least when it comes to having my female internal organs removed.
I'm pleased to have nieces and nephews and look forward to being a great aunt someday... albeit the crazy great aunt who has never married (not once) and never had children, but enjoys life and laughing despite the difficult times one encounters in this world.
I do, however, have many qualms about the fact that my belly still hurts ten weeks after the surgery.
Oh yeah. I'm 55.

sara and alpine.

You said your husdand's son was "motherless", but he isn't. You may not be he biological mother. but you are his mom and you sound like a great one .

I agree totally with the saying "bloom where you are planted" another I love is "no matter where you go, there you are". No matter what happens in my live, and believe me, this isn't what I had planned for myself, I try to be happy and thankful for what I have. And like you, I make myself good dinners and enjoy them alone .

Since I have no kids, even though I have been married once, I am the "wacky, wild" aunt. I love it. My nephew is the coolest kid and he thinks I am the best. He is 13. I want him to know he can talk to me about anything since he is getting to that age.

I'm not sure how I feel about not having children. I am sorry I haven't met anyone else in the 13 yrs I have been divorced. I am 45 and I don't have trouble attracting men, it's just that the ones I meet are all jerks in one way or an other !

Maria

	Quote:
Originally posted by lmphoto For me, I think it's simply the final closing of that door - that path in life that I will definitely no longer be able to go down. Even if it's something that I don't think I want, it still hurts, and is a bit scary, to have that door definitely shut for my lifetime! [/b]

These words were taken directly out of my heart. I'll be 45 when I get my surgery 12/6/04. I have such mixed emotions about never having children. I can't say that it was a great desire to have kids but at the the same time I can't say that I never wanted them either. I never had a partner who wanted children with me. Most of the time I am fine with that, but there always seemed to be those times that I'm not. Now that the option is being taken away, I feel sad, lonely, and confused and I'm not sure why. Maybe somewhere in the back of my mind children were penciled in my to do list. Time just simply ran out.

Jah,

Big hugs to you and a gentle rub on the head

At least we know we are feeling those things together and have someone to emphathize with.

Lori

I think there is a substantial amount of biological drive to have children but there is also a chunk of societal pressure that comes from growing up in our... and probably any other... culture. My family never pushed me to get married or have kids, yet still I absorbed that "understanding" from the world at large.
I too had some twangs in years past (now age 55) about not being married, not having a child. I didn't act upon them and think it's better that way.
For some, it's not. Either way regret and sadness - when I felt it - was more a function of loneliness, not being involved enough in the community that surrounds me and which one should be a part.
It's really an honor to have the time to help teach children to read, to assist at a community center in the poorest part of town, to join a hiking group, to work fulltime without having to feel I am shortchanging anyone at home.
Of course, my pooch Jazz might not feel that way. Anyway, we can't just will ourselves to be happy but we can be involved and vital and, without even knowing it, fulfilled. It does take a bit of work though, just like marriage and children.

Hi,

I am new on this post and I found your letter interesting. I am 47 and just had (two months ago) a TAH..I have never wanted children and I am single. I have had all the feelings you have had over the past few weeks and especially the fact that I am getting older and a lot of new thoughts have sprung up over this surgery.
There is NOTHING wrong with not wanting to have children, unfortunetly our society has dictated otherwise. Your feelings are normal and they will pass. I am glad I am healthy again and want to get on with my life no regrets! life is short! enjoy.