He actually called me a "slob"...

Before you get mad, I will defend this man in a bunch of ways!
First, I am "officially" moving in with my boyfriend this weekend. He has enlisted the help of a male friend to help him with the lifting that I can't do.

I've been staying at his place since exactly 1 week post-op. I have been trying to keep my mind active...sewing, crafts, cooking, etc. The problem is that cleaning has become a little lacking. My dog is in his shedding season and my bf hates to vacuum - which I'm not supposed to do...

There have been little messes piling up, and the other night my bf cracked a joke about how he didn't know he was dating a "slob". I know he was joking, but I just about burst out in tears - and now I'm paranoid.

This wonderful man has been taking the clothes downstairs to the washer, and more times than not will just go ahead and do both of our laundry. But - I do all the cooking. I do all of the cleaning. I've mopped, swept, dishes, picking up...absolutely ALL of it by myself!

How can I very nicely tell this man to "get bent" and at the same time explain that I'm still healing and that I should be allowed to let the messes go for a little bit. It's not indicative of my over-all personality. After all, look at my apartment pre-op! It was SPOTLESS!!!

OK, I think I'm done now. Thanks for letting me vent.

Mellybug

He sounds like a keeper, Mellybug! If he is willing to move in together at this stage, things can only get better.

As for "how can I very nicely tell this man...", you said it pretty well in this post. Say it as clearly and as often as necessary so those comments don't eat at you, and whatever you do, step AWAY from the vacuum!

First, congrats on moving in with you BF.

As you mentioned he saw your apartment pre surgery so don't worry about his comment.

Very gently I would tell him that while you are healing - it is imperitive that you don't over do it as there may be consequences and you don't need that. Let him know that under the present conditions of your recovery - you are doing as much as you can and that you love the help he is lending. I am sure that in no time - he will see you buzzing around and putting the finishing touches on your new home.

Sounds to me like he is absolutely wonderful to you.

Take care and happy healing.

Thanks for the "before you get mad" cuz I was!!!! How dare anyone say that!!! Politely point him to the Mr Hyster spot on this site. My DH got the book from there, it really helped. Leave your computer up to the check list about what you are to do and not do. Here's one "hey, can you believe that this chicks hubby left her alone at 1week post op, I'm so lucky that you understand my needs... and explain your needs"

When all else fails wallop him with a pillow as he sleeps!! Um, wait, It worked for me but don't know your bf sense of humor. Mine got it.

Big hugs to you. Your doing two MAJOR life changes at the same time so give yourself some grace!
Amy lou
TAH, delux edition, APP, sling repair, 9-11-06

yes indeed, thanks for the "before you get mad" because I was ready to get the frying pan out.

It is very tough to watch the entire house go to pot while you are healing, but that is what needs to be done. It's all about you right now my dear I am sure your boyfriend understands this...plus the hormone patrol is running around in you so we take things more personally.

Take care.

Thanks, my fellow sisters...
When he came home last night I gently approached him on this. Actually, I posted about it on my blog, which he reads religiously, and he was ready to talk about it right when he walked in the door. He was joking because I had a bunch of clothes EVERYWHERE in the bedroom! (I was trying on stuff to see what "fits" and what doesn't). He was only referencing that ONE instance, and apologized profusely.

It helped that I had made meatloaf and mashed potatoes (one of his favorites). He even finished the laundry and dishes for me afterwards, then we cuddled on the couch!

Today I'm going to my apartment to pack up the little things that need to be packed up so that when he gets home he can move the big things.

Thanks again for all of your support. And, instead of vacuuming, I've taken to just picking up the little clumps of dog hair where I see it so that it doesn't look quite so bad!

Mellybug

Maybe you could shave your dog? Nah! It's too cold this time of year. The good news is the way to this guys heart is through his stomach and it sounds like you have the golden key with the meatloaf thing going on. Men really are very simple creatures with very simple needs.

Good luck on your move. What kind of dog do you have by the way?

thanks for the update - I am so happy for you.

And Meatloaf - works wonders.

All the best to you as you finish moving in and setting up your personal touch.

Take care