No support really and scared :(

I found out just yesterday that my hysto would be around the end of Oct, but have known for a few months now that I would have to have it done. In Jan docs found cervical and uterine cancer, and said it would be best for me to just get the hysto. Until yesterday it was not brought up in my household again.

I have 3 main people that are in my life, my husband and my 2 best friends. But I feel like what I am getting from them is on the extreme edges of what I should be getting. My husband just says "everything will be fine" and drops it. One friend gets too emotional and talks about how scared he is and stressed he is over everything, and I end up having to comfort him. My other friend only talks about her tummy tuck she got a couple years ago and says how she can "so relate" to what I am going to go through soon.

Being that I am only 24 it is hard for me to meet and bond with people near my own age, I have too much in my life to deal with the "party types" who dont understand these things at all.

So I guess my main question is this: Is there a proper, or at least good way, to deal with the people in my life in telling them I need support from them in a different way, without insulting anyone?

Thank you everyone for being there!

God Bless You!

I am certainly no expert but I would recommend just speaking with them honestly. If they all know each other maybe you could get them all together and tell them how you feel all at once, that way it won't feel like criticism and they'd all know that you're scared and really need the extra support right now.

I wish you the best of luck!

Hugs!

I suspect that your husband is totally freaked out about it... can't say I blame him - it is pretty freaky to have your wife have to have a major organ out, especially when the reason is the big C word. The first thing I would recommend is see if he would come to an appointment with a cancer agency counsellor with you (I don't know if they have that where you are but here any family member can go to the agency for free). I think your friends can too -it may help them to understand what you are going through.

The other thing - while it isn't totally the same, you will get good support here.

And finally, you may want to consider attending a support group so that you can meet other young women who are going through this.

Good luck to you and take care.

Hi, I am so glad you found us and hope you can get some of the support you need here. As you are finding often friends and suprisingly even relatives don't react as we want them to. Men like to fix things/make things OK and in this case they cannot; this can make them feel helpless and some may react by running away from the problem and/or trying to avoid it. I suggest you bring your husband to at least your pre-op appointment.
Since you say your dx is cancer, if you are not already doing so, I strongly urge you to see a gyn/onc who are experts in this field and they often are the best ones to do the surgery. In my case my gyn was assisted by a gyn/onc. Also, please feel free to post on our Cancer Concerns forum; there is a wonderful group of brave women there who are very supportive of each other.
Sending s and blessings your way, peggiesue

My heart goes out to you. Not only are you dealing w/ your concerns and emotions, you have a lack of support from the people closest to you. My husband is doing the same thing. He is acting very cold and distant but I know it is his defense mechanism. I have had him look at some of the postings on this site, especially the mistersister faq's. It has some great advice for family and friends. I also have no friends who can relate to what I'm going thru. I'm 32 and no one close to me has been thru this. I'm sure this site will give you (and me) lots of support.

Lots of peace, love & hope!

Oh my that was fast! Thank you everyone for all of your advice, I will try and get hubby on that for men section, and counceling/support groups are something I hadnt acctually thought of.
I have went to a homeopathic gyno for years, she recomended me to the doc who will be doing my surgery, so maybe I can ask her if she knows of any groups in the area.

Once again thanks everyone!

Another thing that might help is to be very specific with what you want and need. You might say to your friend, "I just need you to listen to me. I don't expect you to have the answers". I hope this helps you a little. Good luck to you and keep us updated on how you are feeling. People really do care.

My advice would be to bring your dh to your next appointment. Better yet, ask your doctor to call him and ask him to come in -- even if it's all by himself. He may need someone to talk to as much as you do!!

He may just be completely clueless and/or in denial of the whole situation. I do hope that's the situation.

My best to you.

I'm sorry your lacking the support you need from your loved ones. My husband changes the subject whenever I want to talk about the surgery. I think he likes to pretend that everything is always alright. I've never been a sick or needy type of person and I don't think he can picture me that way. My Son & daughter in-law are uncomfortable with the talking about it thing too, they just say "everything will be alright" and then they hurry and change the subject too. I think people just don't what to say, and all I want is just to be able to vent to them without them freaking out. My daughter in-law doesn't even think it's a good idea for me to be in this site. She thinks it'll scare me. I told her it was helping me to know that others were feeling the same way as me. Plus I'm learning a lot, and how can that be bad? Anyways, I don't feel lonely if I can come in here, I feel understood.

Hugs & Blessings sent your way,

Mich

Hi Sis,

I'm sorry you are having a tough time. I know how you feel. Until I found this site I felt very alone and honestly I don't think anyone can relate unless they've been thru it.

On a recent thread a Sister recommended visiting www.pelvicfloor.com with an unsupportive Hubby. Altough my Hub is great I decided to invite him to view the pics of a TAH. The pictures are very explicit. He was so impressed that he showed my Sons (17 and 10yrs. old).

This experience of sharing has brought us closer and now everyone understands what will happen to me and how much support and caring I will need.

I pray that you will get the support from your Hubby and please know you already have support and understanding from thousands of Ladies in Waiting and Princesses right hear.

Keep in touch.

Luv & Blessings,
Marysa