What are the odds? (Children mentioned)

What are the odds that day 8 post TAH my 5 yr old DS decides to ask me why he doesn't have a baby brother or sister.

I mean, I am already fragile enough about letting go of that chapter in our lives and then he not only starts asking me, he has a full melt down bc it's not fair and that he is the only kid he knows without a brother or sister.

I tried very gently to explain that mummy had a sick tummy and can't make babies any more and explained we tried very hard to get it better but nothing could fix it. Ohhhhh...the questions he asked.... In the end i googled a pic of the female anatomy and showed him the uterus and said that's what was sick and that's why i was I hospital and had to have it taken out, so he can have a healthy mummy again. Aghhhhh.... I hope I said all the right things.

He cried for about 30 min... Then I said mummy and DS needed some chocolate in mummy's and daddies bed as a very special cheer up treat. That distracted him enough to calm him down.

Ohhhh, I hope i said all the right things. He was still so angry "why did his mummy had to have a sick tummy, no one else's mums have sick tummys. " etc etc..

I mean what are the odds of that happening this week.

Sharon
37
PCOS
Endo
IVF x7 fully cycles
M.C. X 1
Dysfunctional uterine bleeding x 8 years

I don't have answers. ((((Hugs)))) and prayers from my way. You have been through so much.

It's hard to know what to say. I guess I'd look at what people say in other situations where the answer is "no", and see if that might help. I don't know how much 5 year olds understand medical things, so maybe a "back up" explanation would help. How painful for you. Yes, what are the odds. I hope your family gets through this and your heart can heal from this pain to it.

Shazzajoy

To me it sounds like you did exactly the right explanation and comfort for your son. What a lucky boy to have a mom like you who, while you are experiencing your own emotional upheaval and recovery pain, could see through it all and provide realistic, age appropriate answers and have chocolate as an extra solace.

If it comes up again you could tell him that this does happen to other mommies but you just don't know about it because people don't usually talk about it outside of their own families.

You are a very wise woman.

I am sending to soothe your own heart. Get some chocolate and snuggle in bed knowing that you are surrounded by the spirits of you HysterSisters offering you the same comfort that you offered your son.

Awe he just doesn't understand. He's so young. I don't have any answers for you but I think you did the right thing and we as mother's don't always know how to handle things. It's touch and go but you did what hopefully works for you and DS! hugs

Actually, I think he does understand... My son is six, and kids can be remarkably perceptive. They keep it very simple but they can sometimes see to the heart of a situation. He is right, it isn't fair. It just isn't. I think in the end that is the only lesson he might learn from that. It's the lesson I had to learn also. It just simply doesn't matter if it is fair or not, kwim? It isn't going to change. I had years of failed fertility treatments too, multiple miscarriages, and now this...."it isn't fair" is so true! Huge hugs to you, I think you handled it beautifully. You can only let him cry and have his grief come out and pass. Just as yours has to do the same. We are here for you, sister xo

Thank you so much for your support lovely ladies.
Other than that night DS has been fine ever since.in hindsight I really do think his extreme reaction was his way grieving. I remember he reacted the same way when our dog died last year. Very angry then lots of tears, then was fine ever since.

Thanks again for your lovely wishes and suggestions.

He's 5...nothing matters except what he wants right now. It will take time for him to figure stuff out. I think my 16, 14, and 12 year olds probably don't fully grasp what I had done. I was probably 12 or so when my mom had her hysterectomy and I had NO IDEA what was going on.

I think you handled it beautifully. Age appropriate and to follow up with a treat was awesome. My kids were having some difficulties with understanding why I was still sore - so I let my 14 yr old daughter watch one of the you tube videos - she only got through the first couple seconds - and said ok - thats good - I get it ha ha. She informed my other two boys (12 and 17) about the big poles that get inserted into my belly and that was that - they were all stunned. So I think all kids get it - but it has to be age appropriate. Again - I think you did a wonderful job.