explaining to children

I'm still 7 weeks out (an eternity!), but want to start preparing my 3 and 6 year old boys for the operation, hospital stay, and recuperation period at home.

Any ideas of how to do this without giving them too much information, and not scaring them. As it is, my 6 year old gets really concerned anytime I get the really bad cramps or a migrain.

Suggestions???

First of all since you are 7 weeks and young children really do not have a good concept of time I don't think I would tell them anything just yet because that will make you more anxious as the time draws near. (Or it would me anyway)

If you are a stay at home mom and the children are in your care all the time and they will be going to day care or a sitter's you may want to start getting them used to that routine by having them go 2-3 days a week so that won't be such a shock for them with not knowing why mommy is "sick" at the same time they are interrupting their daily routine.

As your date draws nearer you may have them "practice" how they can lay in bed with you, (my 12 DS likes to lay with me in bed and sometimes the covers are pulled across my stomach when he gets on the comforter and it really pulls across my incision (OUCH)

Anything that you do with your children that requires lifting them you may have to devise a new "game" that you will be doing while you recover so that you and they don't forget and lift, pull, etc.

It has been a while since my children have been that young and they will be confused and scared about you being hospitalized. They will probably become more clingy, emotional and agitate one another more easily because of the stress they are going through. If they have grandma near by or a favorite friend or relative you might see if they can go visit that first week home until you know how you will be feeling, or have someone come and stay with you to keep them entertained. I get fatigued very easily so a 3 and 6 year old would be extremely taxing.

I hope this helps,
Vp

All good suggestions - thank you.

I should have mentioned, as it changes things quite a lot, that we live in Germany. I lost my mom last year to heart disease, and DH's mom is older and has Fibromyalgia. I can't ask her to put herself through a 12 hour flight to help me. DH, bless his heart, just doesn't want to talk about this at all.

I am now a stay at home mom, but only because I can't currently work with the pain level I'm at. My 3 DS does sometimes go to day care, and the 6 DS will be going to school.

My 6 DS knows something is up. He's already asking questions about why I'm sad (really just in pain, and/or on meds). He even asked if we were haing a new baby because I asked him not to touch Mama's tumy.

I really need suggestions on what to say to the child. I don't want to get into the anatomy of the female body because I think its TMI. But the child is his mother's son. He wants info and details (I think it's a control thing)

Anyway, any suggestions would be welcome. Sorry about the lack of information the first time.

You do have a challenging situation ahead of you. It sounds as if you have a very sensitive son. My 12 year old DS sounds alot like your oldest. I think children are very intuitive and if we don't acknowledge their questions they become worried and upset. Even though my son is older than your children he wanted to know what was up. I was able to explain to my son what I was going through and even though he knows about the anatomy has older sister etc. he was worried that could happen to him with his male parts. I explained a little more to him and he was fine with the explanation. As the time of my surgery drew near he became quit clingy and emotional. It was something I was not prepared for and made me a nervous wreck. Hindsight, I should have gotten him involved in some activities during the day so he would not worry

Since your child is aware something is going on perhaps you could just let him know that you will be having a procedure where they are going to make you feel better and you will have to be very careful for 6-8 weeks or longer. You might need his help waiting on you and doing things for you that you normally do for him. My DS is great help and very loving and makes sure I have everything I need. I don't know if there are any childrens books on operations or visits to the hospital but I am sure there are. You may check Amazon.com for some ideas.

My daughter is 5 1/2. What I told her was that I was going to go stay at the hospital for a couple days so that they can fix what is broken. When I come back, I will need to get better, so she needs to be careful around me. We then talked about how we will be able to do more things together once the doctors have fixed what is wrong.

She seems to be "OK" with it. She says that she will "help" me around the house. Luckily, my parents live close and my sister is having her over for the night of surgery.

I wouldn't give them too much information. Keep it simple and not scary. "Operation" sounds a lot worse than "Doctors are going to make me better".

Hi - I'm new here, but I have a 3 year old DS and I thought I'd give my input because I had emergency back surgery May 28th and was an impatient inpatient for 9 days before they let me out. My son apparantly screamed for me for 3 nights at bedtime because he wasn't told I was not coming home that night - he must have assumed I would come in later, check on him, and he's see me in the morning. So when I wasn't there the next morning, he remembered it all day and lost it at bedtime. In-laws just told him I'd be back soon. Sheesh!@ Since that time, every day my son says "I wish you be better mommy, so we go to Pop century" - I promised him we would go when I recovered to give him something to look forward to. Unfortunately, my condition is worse than I thought, so no Disney World for us for a while!

So, now I have to have another surgery, unknown what kind now until ultrasound is done, but I will have to be away from him again, and lots of other people will be caring for him again. What I am going to do this time is different. At least we can prepare him this time.

I will tell him I have another boo-boo that needs to get fixed, and I will be gone for Blank many night time sleeps. YOu can see me in the hospital during the day but I will have to sleep there. When I get home I have to heal, and you can help me by doing so and so.

I will also be getting a few books of kids going to the hospital, I know there is a Mr. Rogers one that explains what happens in the hospital, so I can read them to him. He is just recovering from the last time, he had many bad dreams where he was lost at the hospital and I couldn't go find him. So I will do everything I can to make him comfortable with it.

This being said, I will wait to tell him I'm having another operation until 2 days prior to it for his own protection. He is a worrier already. Good luck!
Alicia

I have 4 kids, ages almost 6(dd), 4(ds), 21/2(ds), and 9 months(ds). I told my older 2 who were old enough to understand that I had to go stay in the hospital so the dr could fix my broken mommy gear. I alsoexplained to dd that fixing the broken mommy gear means she won't get a baby sister. I told them who they would be staying with and that they would get to do fun stuff while they were there. I also explained to dd that they would have to cut my tummy to fix the broken parts inside so I would have owies on my tummy. When I got out and saw the kids, I explained again that I had owies on my tummy and even showed my daughter the owie. She is very mature for 6. Hope my rambling makes some sense and was perhaps some help to you.