depressed husband

I am four days out and having my own problems when my husband decides to get depressed. I don't know if it is that I am not my usual self, or that he has to pick up the slack with the house and the kids but he is not himself either. and I don't think that not being able to have sex is helping. I want to help him but the more I talk to him about it the more he pulls away. I find myself doing too much because I don't want him to carry all of the burden. Yes, I feel like a burden. Yes, I am supermom too. I know I have to rest but I can't stand to see him this way. Help me ladies. The best thing about this web site is that there is always someone out there who went through the same thing.

oh dear! This happens often in our house. I have had a few surgeries over the years and every time DH starts to go into a tailspin after he gets over the fear that I'm going to die on him.


I hope you've had a chance to share with him some of the resources on this site for husbands, they are great...

I also hope he's a big enough boy to sit down and have a good talk about this. My Dh couldn't do it the first time and we struggled with the feelings of resentment and abandonment that caused for a long time.

The next time I went in for surgery I brought it up well before surgery day and we made an agreement to take little breaks each day to check in with each other and listen to each other's fears and feelings, and we discussed what he would need in the way of breaks, an outside resource to vent to, etc. Then when he started to sink I could ask him how the pre-surgery plan was working for him and it reminded him that he DID have a plan and he HAD promised to stick to it and make it work. (in fact, we just had this talk again tonight, since I go in again on Friday)

It is the curse of the supermom...the people around us atrophy because we are so darn capable, then when we need them to rise to the occassion they just revert to their habit of leaning on us.

It helps to have a fellow supermom somewhere nearby to spring into action if DH really goes into full-blown paralysis. *sigh* we married them because they were so wonderfully sensitive...

I wish you all the best and a peaceful recovery...