Is DH unsupportive or am I unreasonable?

Oh yes, Sisters, I can feel your pain. My DH hates hospitals, hates waiting, hates sick people, hates people in pain--I'm doomed to be stuck with all the other people in my support group taking care of me---BIG DEAL! LOL

I know him soooo well, that I have totally planned to keep him "out of the loop" as much as possible! But I did throw a ringer his way: I have asked him to take me to the hospital....his reaction: "WHY?"--I looked deeply into his eyes and said, "Because I love you and need you, and I want your face to be the last one I see before going in."

His reply: (scrunch up your face like you just smelled something gross) "WHAT?!?"

Well, do you watch "The Osbornes"? He is Ozzy. Long hair and Iron Maiden black tapestries (Please grow up) and all! But GOD, I love him!

Anyhoo, my Mom is coming in from the coast for a week to keep an eye on the four kids (and 3 dogs, 2 cats, 2 birds, 1 bunny, and 1 fish--and a partridge in a pear tree!!) and to help out with the housework and cooking. My brother is taking me to my pre-op on Thursday.

If he doesn't take me, oh well. Mom will. The only other thing I will ask of him is to go grocery shopping. I already made out the list and calculated the cost--can't get any easier than that.

Men are simple. We are complicated. It is just that simple (and complicated). Good luck, and I hope he doesn't disappoint you--they can really be cold, without even knowing it. He may be scared--an emotion that FREAKS out every man I've ever known. Just keep talking, you'll feel better to have spoken your mind.

Good luck and God Bless us all..... .....Men! What a pain!

I am definitely lucky in that I have a very supportive hubby who will be there for me as much (or as little!) as I need. Our problem is being able to afford for him to take days off. He doesn't have any paid vacation until next year. He's taking off the day of the surgery and a half-day to bring me home from the castle but that's all we can manage. My mom will be coming to help me out after that. I'm a little worried as my mom doesn't like to hang around all day and will likely leave once the babies are down for their afternoon naps. Here's hoping I can manage!

I'm not trying to throw a loop into this discussion, but I'm one who almost cancelled surgery because Dh was being so horrible. It was a very touchy subject for a while, and I felt i just did not have his support at all.
What it really turned out to be was his fear.He was absolutely terrified that he'd watch me go into surgery, and never come out. As a man, he felt it was his duty to make everything right. He couldn't make this right. Nothing he could do to make me feel better. There is a possibility that your macho man is terrified too. And the only thing he can think of to do is to absorb himself in work. Because some men want to cry for you, but men don't show those "weaknesses".
I ended up comforting HIM in the days before surgery. I tried to focus on the positive, like being a better wife without pain. Told him I wasn't going to die, I wanted to be around to pester him for many years to come.
I'm 3 1/2 weeks post-op now. DH has been awesome. Even now, I can see in his eyes the pain and helplessness he feels as he yells at me for overdoing it.
Maybe your Dh is just being a total D***H***.... or maybe he's just very very frightened,too..

I totaly understand how you are feeling, I'm going through some of this with so called boy friend too.

His only sibling (sister) died a few weeks ago after a very long illness, his entire family is leaning on him for support. I'm trying to be understanding, but I need him to!

Saturday he broke down in tears after saying "I love you" for the first time in a couple of years. Promised he would be there for me however I need him.

Monday night it turned into I'll stop by the hospital after work. I asked him, then told him I wanted to see him before I went into surgery, got the old I'm really behind at the studio, so I'll just wait to see you in your room.

I know he's scared, I don't think he could handle waiting through the surgery, but how he said all that just really HURT. It made me feel so unimportant that he couldn't bother to stay with me for a little while.

Sigh, its tough for us both. I undrstand his fear and I know his grief over his sister is immense. I hate going into surgery feeling this hurt by him, but I don't have the energy to deal with it right now.

I know he loves me, I just wish I could make him understand I need to feel loved as well.

Good luck to us both, huh, lol.

sometimes I don't understand men in general not to bash them but c'mon..If the tables were turned he he needed major surgery and you couldn't be there for him or if you were to busy to answer a simple email that he sent and you started to yell at him..OMG he would probably freak right out!!!I mean please... my daughter had her appendix removed and it perferated I spent everyday at the hospital including almost every night ( shared with the X) to make sure she wouln't be alone now maybe this is a motherly thing but my bf couldn't understand and that is what I am looking forward to being by myself:cry: and all alone I would never do that i feel the need to comfort and also be comforted...
sorry you have to go through this

((mimi))

jazzle,

's to you! First off, I agree that it is great the your DH is taking a week off from work to be with you. It is a tuff call to really understand where he is coming from with his work without more details [which I am not asking for!] I will say though, if he has the option to go on the business trip before the surgery--tell him to make it happen. With the trip behind him and wrapping up loose ends at work, he will be able to take care of you instead of worrying about work. I work full time and my DH owns his own business. I understand HOW important work can be BUUUUT that is no excuse for your DH to yell at you about work. I like to be supportive as much as possible. Saying something like, 'Honey understand how important this trip is, can you bump it up 2 days before the surgery? That way we don't need to make a mad dash to the hospital when you get back. BUT I love you and need you for this operation--I'm scared!' Work is NEVER more important then family, but no work = no money. Tuff compromise! Good Luck!