family not on board

I need advise on how to deal with my mom and sister. Both are completly against me having my TAH which I have gotten 2 med. opinions about and have really agonized over. I have an enlarged uterus, uterine polyps, fibriods, heavy (long-lasting) periods, a history of dysplasia (cervical), & on & on & on. I have my date set for 4/27/05, and I don't have the nerve to tell them....my husband is 100% with me on this and thinks that this is our last option. (already tried BCP and D&C)
Anyone else out there met this kind of opposition??

Hi Faye,
May I ask why they are so opposed to your surgery if it will make life so much easier on you in the outcome? I am wondering if they fear you having surgery, in general? My DH had an aunt who had a hysterectomy about 15 yrs ago, she died of complications/bleeding. This was a long time ago, technology has changed so much and as I said, she had other complications, also, but my DH was so for me getting this done after all the years he has watched me in pain and agony with my heavy periods, abnormal paps, ect. About a week before my surgery he started to panic, acted like he didn't want me having it done, saying maybe we should see if the hormone treatment will work one more time..............we had a long heart to heart, and he was scared and not sure what his thoughts were anymore, and also informed me that his mom was scared to death for me also!!! I reassured him that I wasn't scared in the least, that I knew it was the right thing to do and with all the pre op stuff they do to you, they know what they have to watch for during surgery to keep you safe, and he was fine about it, after he got to express his fears. The next morning I called my wonderful MIL and explained the same to her, and she was relieved in just hearing how confident I was about it all. It allworked out and they are still pampering me, and I am so glad to have them and glad I took the time to ease their mind-it helped!! Here's good vibes coming your way from PA-good luck and keep stopping in for support-the sisters are ALWAYS here!!! Peace, Kathy

I'm sorry you're haing this problem.But, bottom line....you're NOT doing this for them.It's for YOU and your health.Would they want you to disagree with them having some kind of surgury?You have to do what is right for you.I think as long as you have a husband that is 100% with your decision, go for it and don't worry what they think about it.

Easy for them to judge when they've not been in your shoes. I too had a sister who apposed my surgery for whatever her reasoning, I was done with children, and didn't see what the big deal was. So I had my sister, didn't discuss the issue again till after the surgrey. It was my decision to make not my mothers or sisters. Me, and only me, and my husband agreed, lucky for him because I would have gone through with it regardless, and I had my surgery due to extreme bleeding ,no fibriods or anything like that, just the bleeding. If they're up set with your plans, don't worry they'll get over it.

I'm not sure why they are so against my surgery, but in my mind I think , that they see it as elective.... like plastic surgery....you know, if you don't like the uterus your born with, you could always remove it. where I am in reality at the end of my rope I can't leave my house when I have my visits with Aunt Flow because she is so over bearing that my clothes get ruined If I"m not able to RUN to take care of "things". Never mind the other stuff and the fact that she stays round for sometimes 12 days!!!!! (Guess she never heard about wearing out your welcome)
but either way now its all ago!!! I need a better quality of life. Thanks for writing back!!

Tell them that a large fibroid uterus can endanger your life...

My poor mum died from peritinitus after her uterus blocked her bowel.

People often have the attitude "Its only fibroids" tell your family about my Mum and that she would be here for me now and have lived to see her two beautiful granddaughters if she had had the chance for your operation. One day she thought she had a stomach bug and the next she was gone... When i phoned my Dad to tell him i was having a Hyst- he went quiet then said "I'm so glad, ever since i knew you had fibroids i've worried about you..."

My Surgeon was particularly concerned that heavy bleeding takes its toll on the health of your bone marrow too - even if you can keep your iron levels reasonable...

I'm thinking of you Faye and hope they give you the support you deserve. Sounds like your DH is a good'un though

I'm with Tammarree. I have a feeling that they're not terribly supportive with other things, am I right?

This surgery is obviously something you need. You, not THEM!

Denise

Why would you want to hang onto these problems and misery?

I had a LAVH two years ago the end of this month! (just the uterus out for adenomyosis and fibroids, heavy bleeding extreme pain). It has totally ended all those problems and given my husband and I a chance for more intimacy and less strife in our relationship. I saw go for it! The heck with your Mom and sister!

MaryW
(will be 50 next month and why did I wait so long?!)

Gosh Faye!! I'd have to go with my own feelings and health!
I too had uterine polyps and just got plain tired of spotting all the time...I also worried abt. those polyps turning into cancer. I asked my gyn what she would do if I were her mother...she said "take everything out!"...I had more polyps than the ultrasound showed...glad I had it done.
The Sisters have given good advice as usual!
I am 71 yrs. old and had complcations with bleeding and a large hematoma developed...but it was watched carefully and the Dr. decided rather than evacuate the blood clot, to let it heal on its own...3 weeks later it was completely gone.

Blessings ~ Marie

Hello Faye,

I'm going through a tough time getting everyone on board w/me as well. Oh, they all think it's a great idea so I will feel better, but everyone is expecting me to be back at running the house in a "couple of days" and back at work within a week!


If your mom and sister have never gone thru what you have, they really have no right to tell you not to do it. Your doc wouldn't do it if you didn't need it. As scared as I am, I am looking forward to it all being gone, the pain, bleeding, moodiness, etc.

All of the sisters here are behind you 100% no matter what you decide.

Best Luck and hang in there!