Is it unreasonable to not want visitors?

I also asked for no visitors, other than my mother and husband. Someone else did show up, but after a quick "hello," I simply closed my eyes and went to sleep, and they left.

I explained to people that it wasn't like I was going in for knee surgery -- I'd have a catheter bag hanging on the side of the bed, I'd be passing gas, nurses would be coming in to change the pads between my legs... I started to graphically describe the possible scene, and then said I'd like to preserve my modesty and prefer no one come to the hospital. I especially didn't want young nieces and nephews pointing at my urine bag and saying, "What's that?" I could only imagine that scene retold at the holiday dinner kids table.

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I especially didn't want young nieces and nephews pointing at my urine bag and saying, "What's that?" I could only imagine that scene retold at the holiday dinner kids table.

LOL I'm sorry but that cracked me up!...

(I'm still chuckling here...)

I had my DaVinci RALH/BSO on Wed 9/9 and returned home with my dog on Sat 9/12. I spent one night at my mom's just because everyone kept harping at me to do that - LOL.

I climbed into bed with my darling Sara (the dog) and the pile of mail and my phones (cell and land line) and sorted through things. I read the get well cards and checked the messages that had been left. Over that evening and the next day, I returned the calls and chatted with my friends and let them know that I was doing well, appreciated their concerns and offers of help (but was doing fine), and napped when I felt like it.

As I returned the calls on my cell phone, I explained that I'd had it on vibrate while I was in the hospital and was now getting back to everyone.

No one took offense that I'm aware of. If they did, that's their problem, not mine.

Bobbe

I had a LAVH on Sept 16th. I did not want anyone there but my mom. Not even my husband. When I had to go back in on the 22 of Sept and stay 4 days... The hospital changed it policy to no kids under 12 allowed unless being treated. I ended up really missing my 3 kids. I ended up having one well 2 visitors counting my husbend and I am so glad I did. If your going to have to be there a long time..who care what you look like. It was so nice to see and talk to someone you know

Thanks to LoriAnne13 for bringing this up!

My family is already asking where the hospital is and it's scaring me. I don't even have a date set yet! My close family is about 30 people and they will ALL converge into a hospital the second one of us is checked in. So this topic is very near and dear to my heart.

Thanks to all those who have replied, it's also helping me figure out how to talk to my own loved ones.

*hugs to all*
-Sarah

I believe you can request no visitors, Sarah. Look into it either beforehand or during your pre-op clearance visit.

Bobbe

Thanks Bobbe,

I'm sure I could request no visitors, but I'd be disowned by 30 people I love!

Some people mentioned asking people to come when ya get home and bring food, clean, etc. So I think I might see if my family will go for that instead of everyone coming.

I'm just happy this thread was here because I had been worrying about HOW to handle my family.

-Sarah

I had one visitor and she came the day of surgery and the next day when I was sent home. I already had set up a ride home, since that was SOOOO much drama in the previous weeks leading up to my surgery, I was not about to change plans with my ride home.
Well, my friend (fair weathered really)...when the nurses starting coming in to do my release papers and such, she piped up and said "well dont be silly, I can take you home"
Aside from being rude, I told her that my ride was on her way and that I didnt want to change things. These 2 friends know each other, but we never all go out together, as they dont get along.
I hated to hurt her feelings, I even said something about me not being able to climb into her jeep. What a dumb thing to say, as my ride home has a Durango. UGH...anyways, i have not heard from my visitor "friend" since she watched me get into my other friends Durango. Not even a text asking how I am?..my feelings..OH WELL. I cannot please everyone.
I was glad I had no visotors from work, BF family, or even BF. I was at the hospital to have surgery and prepare to come home.
Since I have been home, I have not allowed anyone over, even though BF tried today to have friends over for football. I am simply not wanting visitors right now, or anyone in my home that does not live here.
My oldest daughter will have a 4 day weekend starting thursday & she will travel home to be with me. But..she is 16 & I am sure she will end up hanging with her local friends, which is fine.
unreasonable...my vote...NOPE

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Originally Posted by turtle_avenger Thanks Bobbe, I'm sure I could request no visitors, but I'd be disowned by 30 people I love! Some people mentioned asking people to come when ya get home and bring food, clean, etc. So I think I might see if my family will go for that instead of everyone coming. I'm just happy this thread was here because I had been worrying about HOW to handle my family. -Sarah

Sarah:

If these people truly love you, they will respect your wishes, not disown you. They need to understand that it's about you, not about them. If they disown you, I would seriously question their motives.

If you have time, could you write a general letter (kind of like a Christmas letter) explaining to everyone how you know they love you and how you so appreciate their wanting to be there to help you, BUT... Then either you or your DH can send it to everyone.

As it is, you might be up for visitors earlier than you expect, but you can always change your mind after the fact and let them come.

The smartest thing I did (inadvertently) was to leave my cell phone on vibrate. I ended up getting only one or two calls while I was in the hospital and I was quite fine with that.

You need to be proactive about your needs and enlist your DH's help in being your "gatekeeper" such as it is.

Hugs,
Bobbe

Exactly what I did! I told everyone - other than my husband and my girls - no visitors. 20 years ago when I had a c-x, I had my ex's family standing around staring at me when I couldn't even keep my eyes open b/c the pain was so bad. I looked awful, felt worse, and there they were - just staring - like I was supposed to entertain them or something. You stick to your guns and demand your privacy! Tell them to send a card if they are so concerned; and if they really care about you, they will respect you feelings and not be selfish.