LAVH: Family arguing..please I can't be the only one!!

I really hope that there is someone else going through what I'm going through. It seems my husband and son are at each other all the time. I've asked them to show me how the can get along and prove it to me so I don't stress. Well that didn't work cuz at 6:30am I got woken up by screaming and name calling. I know this isn't a site for counselling but I've been waiting for my mother who moved in with us 5 years ago to be well enough. We've dealt with cancer and a pace maker insert and removal due to infection but she is in complete remission for two years and all is well. So now is my time but I can't shake the bad feeling of the fighting and me not able to do anything it's not like their babies either 15 and 39 you would think they would do it for me. So now I'm feeling sad and crying all the time and close to cancelling a much needed surgery!!!

You just said it...they are old enough to deal with this on their own. A 39 and 15 year old are capable of dealing with their issues for a few weeks while you heal. I am guessing that you have a really good reason for having this surgery and you need to take care of you. If you were to cancel this surgery just because your two "boys" can't act like men, then you are just enabling them to continue their juvenile behavior. Family counseling sounds like it might be a good idea once you are on the mend. That is just my two cents. (((HUGS))) to you.

Thanks for replying and I agree completely with you and yes a horrible side effect to the dept shot has thinned my lining of my uterus so badly I've been bleeding since November I've tried medications to stop it but none have worked. The pain is horrible my uterus is constantly contracting so it's like labor pains. I've been house bound pretty much since then so I need and want this surgery very badly. So your right they need to stop acting like children and act like men I'm just sad as I thought I don't know what I thought. Thanks again for listening and replying to my ranting.

Hope you don't put yourself out to stay home and listen to them fight, take your break by going for surgery, doesn't sound like your body can wait. They will survive. Take care of you!

It's hard to ignore fighting, but your suffering won't make the situation better. No good will be gained by your not having surgery. They'll have problems either way, so do what you need to do for your health. Line up whatever outside help you can. If you have a guest room or someplace to retreat to, consider spending time there. Take care of your health.

Your Husband is the ADULT and no matter what you Teenager Son does like screaming and such, HE should not get down to that level and rather walk away from the Argument than start to scream back.

I do not know your Family, husband, son or when it started that they are at each others throat BUT your son does not show any respect if he screams at his father like that.

Does he screams at other Adults too?

I think he needs to be seriously put into his place with a firm hand no nonsense aproach and I do NOT MEAN hitting or screaming but TIME OUT.
You be surprised how well that still works.

You Grownups have to work together.
No is NO , yes is YES and you have to stick to it.
Do not threaten him with any punishement that you can not keep and / or stick to.

I have 4 Kids ages 14,18,20 & 24 and believe me, would one of them show me such disrespect .. they would not dare, never done because we where consequent.

As I said, your Husband is the Adult and HE should not scream back or start screaming.

I am so sorry for you because you have this big OP before you and do not need this extra Stress

I completely agree with him having zero respect for his dad my other kids 19,20 would never dare speak to anyone that way. My son has ADHD and a severe learning disilbty which by all means is not a excuse but a reason we have the extra help for him but I'm the one person who he comes to and always have been. I never agree with hitting we've always done the time out I actually bought a time out clock and used it when the kids were younger. I'm just feeling blah and I just wish they would show me that it matters how they act not just talk a good talk. But thanks for your reply it helps me hearing other people advise!!

Is you Son on his medication?

I just wish there was a Magic Wand that could put some sense in your Husband to not shout back and with that fuel the Situation and make it worse.

ADHD is not an excuse but it makes it more understandable and knowing that I think your Husband should be the one to ignore this, speak calm..

Easier said than done, friends of mine have Kids with Autism and ADHD and I see first hand how hard it is for all of them, Kids and Parents.

Can you not speak to your Husband and let him know how much it affects you and how much it worries you to be in recovery with this screaming and Arguing around you.

Counselling is a good Idea but long term and won't help you NOW.

I wish there was to but we've done counselling but I think it's a good idea for the two of them to go together and yes he has his medication but he doesn't take it till 7:00am and its a 12 hour release form so at 7:00 pm ifs out. I spoke to my husband and he is very sorry about this morning and he's going to try really hard to not respond as it does nothing but show him how not to behave with yelling. Thanks again I'm sure I'm just feeling really touchy as I will soon find out the time for my surgery tomorrow.

Hope your recovering well!!