Why do I have to explain?

It seems like people don't know when to ask questions and when not to pry. I've had surgeries in the past, and co-workers have ask, "Exactly what did you have done." It's none of their business! All I say is, "I had surgery." Most people get that, others persist. My rule is, if someone wants to tell you they will. Otherwise don't ask. Be available, but don't push.

I'm getting ready to tell everyone that I will be out anywhere from 2 - 3 months. I have a job that everyone needs me at some point, so I have to notify everyone I'll be gone. I'm sure most people will be concerned. Fight and argue as we do, we are still close knit. However, then there are the others that want details. I don't feel like I need to explain myself to anyone. Yet, when I tell them that I'm not comfortable talking about my surgery, they get hostile. Like I'm insulting them for not giving them the details they want. This causes me to feel terrible, upset, down. I can't think of any other way to tell people not to pry.

This is what I did. It's my experience only -- I'm sure others have had other experiences.

I own my business, so I was really upfront with everyone. Said I was having a hysterectomy. I shared more with some people, less with others.

Everyone was great with me. Then again, I sign their paychecks.

This is what I would do if I were you. I'd say I was having a hysterectomy. Otherwise they'll think you're off to have a sex-change operation or they'll make up something that's far more exciting than the truth.

If they keep asking questions, I'd just say this, "I really would rather not get into all of the details, because I'm kind of squeamish about medical stuff. This was the recommendation of my medical team and it's the best choice for me." If you put it that you just don't like talking about medical stuff (which lots of people don't) it won't sound like you're trying to cut them off.

If you want to give more details to a few co-workers you can trust, go ahead. It's amazing how many of my co-workers came forward to tell me how great their own hyst experiences had been.

Good luck to you!

Perhaps you could simply repeat, "I had surgery," smile, and walk away and/or say, "I had surgery. Would you excuse me, please?" and walk away.

Some people just don't get it. Jeez...


:dragon:

Kindred, I feel the same way you do. I don't want to explain to everyone I work with, I haven't even told all of my friends yet!! My surgery is two days before yours, and I told my family that I'd send out a letter after it was over.

I don't need lots of people asking me if I'm nervous, ready, excited, whatever random emotion they feel like plugging in. I don't want to hear unsolicited horror or success stories that I can't control (except from this site of course ('')


When I'm surfing this site, I know what I'm looking for, I can choose to read something or not, my "friends" here who call and offer "words of support" well meaning or not, are not what I'm up for right now.

I can't control what people think, but I can control what they know about me. So far, I have only told those on a "need to know" basis, like my immediate supervisor, a wonderful woman. She has told her supervisor, and mentioned that I'd be gone for 4-6 weeks, but no one knows why. I am forturnate to work with people who respect my privacy.

I suppose that's one thing you could say to nosy folks, just "respect my privacy please, all you need to know is _______, the rest is between myself and my physician!!!

I would just make some kind of announcement that notified everyone that you are gonna be out for 2-3 months because you are having a hysterectomy. WHY you are having it or any other details are none of their business. By saying that you are having a hyst. should speak volumes, after all, a hysterectomy is not an elective surgery. Maybe you could try saying it in a way that they know you mean NO QUESTIONS when you tell them why you are gonna be out.

Best Wishes!!!!

I agree with you. Why do I have to explain? and why do I have to listen to unsolicited/uneduacted advice from people who don't know what you are going through. Since I believe in "honesty is the best policy" I've taken the possition to tell, whomever I feel is invading my privacy, that I really appreciate their concern but I much rather talk about something else. If they insist, I tell them that no one really knows what I'm going through except for other women who have had the same procedure done. Maybe not the sweetest thing to say but they respect me and stop asking.

This has worked for me so far. My surgery is Dec. 16. Hopefully you will have better luck with those whom you will need to talk between now and your surgery.

Take care of yourself; above all things.

Sincerelly,

My experience; I am not sure why you are having the hyst. but with my experience with cancer I told everyone I knew at work because I was pushing especially the women to make sure they get their paps and the guys for their wives. I am a very open person and I am the Plant Manager so I wanted to make sure everyone knew I was ok and that they got all of the cancer, people will suprise you. I know some people talk about you behind your back but even those people were concerned. I had one guy that I fight with constantly and he even gave me a hug when I got back, ya we still fight. But thats work and personally he is a good guy. Just do what ever you are comfortable with.
Take care,
Jeanette

OK, so I have to respond to that last message. It seems that in my corner of the world, if you don't have cancer, the hyst is "elective" and a way lesser deal...

Someone at work asked if my hyst was beause of cancer, and I said no. They seemed to relax and say, Oh, then it's no big deal.

Well, IMHO, cancer is a HUGE deal, a hyst IS a big deal, thank you very much....

To all who have schedule BECAUSE of cancer concerns, and to those who have scheduled for other reasons, it's still a hysterectomy.... please...

Kindred -

I COMPLETELY understand your concern. I had the same dilemma and posted a topic on this site for suggestions on what to tell co-workers. I wanted to avoid the whole "surgery" word altogether, but got a lot of good advice to just be upfront. But I still couldn't quite say the word "hysterectomy." In a very small meeting with 5 people, I simply announced, "I have to have surgery. I'll be out for a period of time, it's very common and it's personal." The "have to have surgery" made sure they didn't think I was having plastic surgery and stating "it's personal" meant "don't ask me any questions!!" As the weeks wore on, I would simply say when asked, "Female stuff. You don't wanna know!" It worked great and no one tried to pry! Just my suggestion!

Good luck -
Lisa

MarlaJoy -
I've experience the same thing. If the surgery isn't to save your life, it must be no big deal. It's really a belittling feeling.

LMSSoCal -
I like your suggestion.
"I have to have surgery. I'll be out for a period of time, it's very common and it's personal."

and
"Female stuff. You don't wanna know!" Give the most "manly man" the willies!