They gave me "The Look" and hardly spoke to me

Hi ladies,
Don't know if this is all in my head, or if it is another strange pre-op emotion. I went to a large family Easter gathering yesterday (around 20 people), and they all kept their distance and ignored me. When my presence was acknowledged they seemed to give me "The Look". Normally I do not go to these gatherings because I feel like I don't fit in. My parents live out of town, and so the company mainly consists of aunts, uncles, and cousins that I do not know very well anyway. But I thought I'd go for a change (I still get along with some of them).

Then came a time where some of my aunts were lecturing my younger cousin (in her late teens), about her new boyfriend. They also started to mention pregnancy and babies. I was sitting right there. One of my aunts told her that you don't want to bring children up in this world anyway...and my cousin said that she didn't want to have children. Meanwhile I'm sitting right there listening to this....I'm grieving my loss, knowing that having a child is being denied me, and yet they lack empathy and talk about this in my presence. At least they still have the choice...not me. This just makes the situation much more grievious to bear. I don't know if I want to attend any more of these gatherings. Sometimes I feeling like crawling into a cave. Thanks for listening to me vent, I seem to be turning into a real basketcase lately.

i'm so sorry honey........... for everything you are going through.......

your family should be more sensitive....... but unfortunately we have to deal with the family we were born with... or...we can create a new family out of close friends and people who DO understand and care........

hugs,
jamesgirl

((((Peppercat)))) you know what they say - you cant pick your family! but you CAN pick your friends! and there are lots of us here to help you thru this difficult time!

I am going to assume here that you have talked to your doctor about all your options and have come to the conclusion that this is the best course of action for you - right?

Altho it is never an easy decision (even when you think you really want it!), you need to focus on your health for the future! no one deserves to go thru life in constant pain and whatever other symptoms you are dealing with. There is a reason for you having this surgery - and it does not matter what ANYONE else thinks about it - you need to do what is right for YOU and YOUR health!

Hold your head high and be proud that you are taking care of yourself!

and remember, you are more than welcome to come here to vent, cry, rant or rave anytime you feel the need - we are here for you!

Best wishes for an easy surgery & recovery!

Aww I am sorry your family was insensitive but it may be that they were just unaware of what they were saying. Just remember why you are having this surgery...to feel healthy again. I too don't have any children but I do love them and so I enjoy all my friends children which helps fill the void for me.

If you aren't close with them they probably aren't aware of what your going through. Stick with relatives you are close with right now who can understand you and support you. Sometimes people don't realize what they say hurts someone else I'm sure they didn't . This is a hard decision to have to make for all of us. Are you very young? I'm 41 and it was still hard. Ask alot of questions before you decide and read alot of information so you will feel better about it, also maybe talk to your dr more. I know sometimes we have no choice we have to get it done (that was my case), even if we aren't ready for it yet. It's ok to mourn what you are losing. I'm hear if you need to talk. It'll be ok hang in there. Kirstin

Ladies,
Thank you for your comforting words of encouragement. Yes, it's true that you cannot pick your family...Although there are days when you wish that you could. Despite their opinions, I must do what is best for me. I've talked to my doctors, and there are no other options left. The pain is getting to be so bad that it is constantly interferring with my life.

When I had my last surgery, only 2 of my relatives came to visit me in the hospital. The others did not even care to see how I was doing. One of my "favourite" aunts also thought that I caused the endometriosis myself. My uncle (whom I'm staying with) had to tell her to back off.

Despite their coldness, I do have a strong support group. My mom is coming out to help when I have the surgery, and my uncle (who is like a second father to me) is also very supportive of my decision, and will be there. My dad is not coming out because of his work, but we are still close and he supports my decision. And I have many supportive friends, including all of you, helping me through all of this. Thanks again for being there for me.

it is good you have a strong core support group to turn to.
that is what we are here for - to try to help our "sisters" as much as possible - both before and after!

and as for family - even tho you cant pick your blood relatives, you can pick your "adoptive" ones!! I cant tell you how many brothers and sisters my mom has "adopted" over the years!! LOL i have even "adopted" a couple myself! my DD's boyfriend calls me "mom" - he is such a sweetie! she picked a good one i think! (i hope!!)

hang in there and know you have lots of support here if you need us!

Peppercat,
You have every reason to feel emotional right now, and being that you already felt like you dont fit in, it was sure to feel amplified. Also people dont know what to say so they often say something stupid or hurtful trying to give advice or make you feel better. Maybe when this is all past your coping with them will be better and meanwhile you have your close family and the support on here is wonderful.
Sending good wishes to you.
Cindy