Frequently Asked Questions and answers

FAQ

Do you have to have a hysterectomy?
No, I just had some extra sick and vacation time at work, so I decided to do something really invasive to my body for no other good reason than I didn’t want to leave that $$ just sitting on the table. Unfortunately, I kind of underestimated and I’ll actually be unpaid for about two weeks of my sick leave.

Have you been having problems?
No of course not, no horrific monthly cycles, no doubling over in pain from cramping, no practically passing out from blood loss and anemia, no raging back pain that keeps me up at night. I’m fine, just ducky in fact…

Do you have cancer?
No, honestly, no.

Are you scared?
Yes, honestly, yes.

Are you ready?
Yes and no, honestly.

Why are you doing this right before Christmas?
Um, how well do you really know me? Chanukah started tonight, thank you. It’s over before I go in.

How long will you be gone from work?
4-6 weeks. The best part of this is that I’ll miss two payroll cycles. And I use the word “miss” very loosely.

This is just routine surgery, right?
Well, if you consider unceremonious ripping major life producing organs from inside the human body and stitching the insides up as routine, I guess so. My doctor does about 4 of these every Thursday. So, I guess it’s routine for her. That’s a good thing.

What will your kids do?
Watch a lot of TV, play video games, mess up the house, eat junk food, worry about me, not necessarily in that order.

Can I come see you in the hospital?
No. Thank you. No.

What can I do to help?
Think good thoughts, feed my family, check up on me through my husband, drive my kids to and from piano, Tae Kwan Do and play practice. Don’t call before the 16th with horror stories about hospitals, operations and recuperations.

Here! Here! I couldn't have said it better myself.

Anything to amuse you Monica!!

I sent a version of this to the 50 or so folks in my e-mail address list to let them know, since I hadn't previously.

I found out a lot of my friends have had one procedure or another in the past, and lots of offers to help (I'm making a list for DH just in case...)


So far. lots of positive responses and support, only one demanding (!) more information and one putting the fear of *** into me about ovarian cancer (she is a survivor...)


Can't people read? I'm reading the "prepare yourself for surgery" book. I'm loving that!!

Have a great day.

A couple months back, there was a thread about dumb questions that people ask at this time in our lives. I started working on snappy comebacks, here are a few that might give you a second to chuckle. All are just meant in fun, though my sarcastic wit does drive me to come up with these things.

Were you having problems?

No, I'm going to turn 46 this summer and thought it'd be nice to buy a smaller bathing suit.

No, my insurance won't pay for a real tummy tuck, so I thought if I just had an internal organ removed it would be the same difference.

No, my hair stylist says I can't perm or color again for at least 6 months and I had to do something to keep off the boredom.

No, I just needed time to catch up on my soaps and make sure the snack foods in my cabinets were alphabetized.

Those were GREAT! I'm 6 weeks post-op and can really relate.

I think I got every one of those questions. Especially the people who all say "well, just call if you need anything". Like you would call them to say "my family's eating Fruit Loops for dinner again, could ya bring over a casserole?"

Thanks for the laugh.

(P.S. I got a call 2 days before surgery from a dear friend warning me that she heard that my surgery center had staff infection! Fortunately, it was false.)