Ironic Question - Sex Dilemma

Ironically, after a 3-1/2 year abstinance from sex after divorce, I have recently entered into a new relationship with a man which has not yet been consumated. A very very nice considerate man who will I am certain be around during my recovery time and afterwards. My surgery is scheduled on Friday, August 13. The subject of sex after surgery has been something I was not concerned with but now I find out the wait time is 6-8 weeks after a TAH. I am now wondering whether to go for it physically before the surgery because I will have such a long wait. Has anyone else had such a situation or any advice to offer. I would really appreciate it.

What a wonderful website with so many wonderful ladies.

Julia,

Oh boy, that's a toughie, but it's a very personal choice for YOU to make. No one else can tell you whether it is time to consumate your relationship.

If you want to do this because deep down you fear he will not wait until after you are fully recovered, then I do not think it is worth it at all. If he cannot wait, he is not worthy.

If you want to do this because you are ready, then go for it!

You must live with your choice in the end and I hope you make the right one.

Hugs,

Jackie

All I can say is wait until your ready before or after the surgery to consumate your relationship.

As far as 6-8 weeks, at my 2 week post op visit my doctor said to go for it whenever my DH and I were ready, at 3 weeks we were ready and I was fine. It was nice to have no pain with sex, after years of endo causing pain with sex.

Oh yeah, I had a TAH/BSO.

Hi Juliad,

I have been faced with this same dilemma. I can't pretend to know what is right for you, but I certainly understand your situation. I have been divorced for two years and have been celibate for almost three years. I was also in a new relationship, and faced the exact same question. I so wanted to be sexual and to feel wanted and to experience sex again -- just in case my hyster changed me sexually. I only had two weeks to decide whether to go for it or wait. I decided to wait. In the final week before surgery, I almost faltered, but I have no regrets in waiting. It was the right decision for me. One difference in our situations is I found out he was seeing other women and unwilling to wait (something I was unaware of before).

Believe me, I am not condemning men here. I think they are truly wonderful and I look forward to a meaningful relationship. I am 11 days post-op and feeling wonderful (although a bit lonely), but I am optimistic that when I am ready, things will work out.

The pressure of major surgery and this decision is surely putting stress on you. I think what concerned me the most is that having sex so early in a relationship can produce false feelings of connection. But I also understand what it is to miss sex.

I doubt I've been helpful, but I wanted to share my story with you. If you are interested in hearing my hyster story, I wrote a lengthy post last night titled "comedy of errors." I had a very bumpy start, but feel so wonderful and wanted to share my story.

Good luck to you.

Anne

You question brings up one of my own. Sex after surgery, I'm really afraid of what it won't be instead of what it will be.

I'm pre-surgery, complete removal of all the works. With everything gone, well, you know what I'm asking.


Input?

I think Anne said it very well!

Hugs,

Jackie

Thank you all. Your responses have been so helpful. Each response gave me more things to think about and in particular, how different sex could be after surgery particularly if the second ovary is removed. My instinct now tells me to do it if the situation is right and everything else feels right at the time - I don't feel pressured by this lovely man at all who is not yet aware of the dilemma as I have just found out, but I will discuss the situation with him.

One more thing, I think Anne may have had a sixth sense in her situation and I am glad to hear she is recovering well from her surgery - she made the best decision.

Love to all...