Family Frustration (Mother Pushing Recovery Too Fast?)

I am getting a little frustrated. I had a LAVH on 8/29/08 and while I feel like I am doing better every day and I am trying to get around as much as possible I don't want to overdo anything and end up with more problems in the long run. I do still tire easily so I still take a couple of naps a day and most of my family is okay with that except for my mother. My mother is a nurse and as soon as she gets home every night she calls to "check-up" on me to find out how much I was up every day to make sure I wasn't too lazy. She thinks I should be back to my normal self by now and doing all of of the housework and all of my other normal activities and running errands, ect. by now and is giving by DH and I flack for this because she apparently knows someone who went back to work 3 days after a hysterectomy. I am almost to the point that I don't want to answer the phone anymore when my mom calls because I know she is going to chew me out because no matter how much I was or wasn't up during the day it isn't going to be enough for her and she thinks it is rediculous that I am not supposed to drive for two weeks after surgery either. I just feel at a loss as to how to deal with her, but at the same time I feel like we need to deal with her because my DH is working all weekend and my parents are supposed to be babysitting for us since I am not supposed to be doing that much yet according to the Dr.

I hope some of this makes some sense. I just feel like she is my Mom and she should be supporting me and trying to help me instead of putting me down and telling me that everything my doctor told me is wrong timewise.

Yikes! I'm sure the usual advice is to try to explain the situation to your mom, but if she is anything like my mother, don't bother! There are some people who are just opinionated and think they know better, and trying to reason with them is like reading a bedtime story to a dog. She does care about you, but her way of showing her concern is stressing you out and damaging your relationship. Maybe when she comes to babysit she will see for herself that you can't do too much. Would she listen to your doctor? Maybe you could take her with you to a doctor's appointment? Is there anybody she listens to? You need to protect yourself while you are fragile. Have hubby talk to her instead. Don't answer the phone. And definitely don't do too much!!! Listen to your body, not your mother!

Sorry about that. She should not care how fast you recover, just that you DO get well... on your own timeline!

I would just let the phone take a message. You don't have to answer the phone just because it rings. I try to remember that, let a message be taken. You can even turn it off or volume down.

If you answer, just tell her you did a bit around the house and rested some. Don't go into detail. Change the subject.

Don't let anyone rush you, not even your mom. Best wishes.

She's a nurse? She should be ashamed of herself. Maybe you could tape a message for the answering machine stating that your are doing fine and resting as per the doc. Then DON'T ANSWER that machine! Hope this helps!

since shes a nurse, she should know that you dont recover from having your uterus and cervix removed(dont know if you kept your ovaries) in 3 or 4 days. i wouldnt answer the phone too much when she calls or have your husband or kids answer..and tell her youre sleeping.

My MIL is a nurse and and knows better. Her speech to me before I got out of the hospital was "Do what the doctor says, listen to your body, call me if you have any questionsor need any help" and she's not called me since. My mom is another story, she thinks I should be doing her grocery shopping this weekend and not my DH (she's a food hoarder and we're trying to get her pantry cleaned out and she knows he will just come into the house, edit the list down, buy what she needs and not what she wants). Moms can be so complicated.

Take everyone's advice; don't answer the phone and maybe your DH needs to talk to her if she won't leave you alone.

I know you love her. She knows that too. If she was my mom I tell you I wouldn't answer the phone LOL! Take her to your post op visit and let your Dr at her!LOL

Oh I like jamajessie's idea!

Man what a pill! Sorry, but she is your mom! Bless your heart, I hope your husband tells her to back off and not make you feel worse. He is sopose to be helping you through this and he should tell her she is hurting you and to back off.

So sorry! I'm a nurse and I find myself doing that to my family members BUT I also have a realistic expectation of timeframes, etc. In nursing we are taught that the faster you are up and moving the better (not running the marathon, but not sleeping either). With that said, we also encourage nap time too. Your body needs that to re-energize and heal. When you break your leg, are you able to jump right up and go for it? Of course not...it's because what we are recovering from is on the inside of OUR bodies...no one sees it therefore people think it doesn't exist or is as bad as we make it seem. Only you can know your limitations as well as recovery. Listen to your doctor and your body.
Because I'm a nurse, I am being way harder on myself during this recovery but all is well. All I can say advice wise is tell your mom you appreciate her concern and you are up as much as possible during the day but you do take nap times when your body needs it. Good luck!