DH Issue - not going well....

Rocket,
Thanks, your right. My DH wants me to sit outside in the back and get some fresh air, I am going to do it. Crying all day is getting a bit old. I can't wait until we can all look back at this as a chapter in our lives that made us stronger and more thankful.
Have a good evening sisters, thank God for you!

I also live alone and although mom came to stay for the 1st 2 wks, I have had the rollercoaster emotions going too! I found visiting a friend who had surgery a couple of days after me and bringing along lunch and a dinner for her and her DH helped put into perspective that moods only last for a while. I was so glad to get back to Church when I could drive. Look for the little pleasures and focus on them - I just had my 11 yr old son for a week and I found that I enjoyed each moment with him (he has gone to live with his father and stepmother and I am now the weekend parent) I guess after 30 yrs of child rearing, it's pretty cool to be the "fun parent". I laugh and say that to celebrate, I had TVH- didn't keep anything, also had some major repair work to bladder and rectocele.
So don't sweat a mood or two- if you can get sad, you can also get glad. The best advice I ever received is to find the humor in each moment and let go of the rest- God can handle it!

I listened to you guys and went visiting. I figured, if they aren't going to come to me, I'll go to them. My neighbors where glad I came over and told me they thought of coming by but wanted to give me a few weeks of recovery first. They haven't had hyst's but heard it took a long time to recover.

Emotionally, I felt much better. Physically, I was feeling some shooting pains, numbness and a swollen belly come bed time.

DH is still pouting. I appologized for sounding like a brat and told him I was going to visit the nieghbors and he could go back to doing his thing in the yard. He just looked at me. When I got home I asked if he was able to get his things done and he told me no. He just watched TV. He did mention that if I wanted him to just watch me lay around all day he would do just that. That's not at all what I meant or was trying say to him. I explained that to him that I have just been lonely and missed him and our time together. Normally I'm out with him all the time or doing my thing and then go out to visit with him and help in the yard. I just can't do those things right now. We've always been budies and ran errands together, so on and so forth and right now I'm stuck in the house.

I hope he gets over it. I just don't need to feel this guilty.

How are you guys feeling?

Rocket - How are things with BF?

YOU ARE MY ANGELS!!

Hi Hr30,

Sorry things are still rocky. Don't waste energy feeling guilty -- you've already apologized, so you have done what you could. Just keep finding opportunities to sincerely thank him for the concrete chores he is doing. Remember that it's typical for guys to try to 'fix' things, and it freaks them out when what they do isn't 'enough'. And it's typical for us to need reassurance and support. Unfortunately, it sounds as if you were both blindsided by a Mars/Venus moment. So don't feel guilty!!!

I'm glad you found some support at the neighbors. I'm also finding that people have no idea what I am capable of (or not) and don't know how to reach out. I've been really fortunate, however in that two of my friends are not working this summer and specifically told me they could help me after surgery, so I felt OK calling them up and asking them to come over. But I'm definitely finding that my emotions are precarious, even though I still have my ovaries. I have noticed that this hits especially if I'm overtired or in pain. Sigh.

Hopefully the two of you will get a fresh start.

hi everyone

guess i have been the lucky and blessed one my dh is a angel truly an angel he stays around and makes sure i dont need anything june 30th i had a tvh which they only took out my uterus which doc said was full of fibroids i have felt like crud one day and feel tolerable the next but dh never changes i wish everyone's dh was like mine it would make it alot easier on everybody because being only two weeks and a half post op i know we still have lots to come but alot better to look forward to too

yall havea great day and hope everyone dh's give yall a big hug and tell ya they love ya cuz we all need to hear those little words

Hi hr30,

I had some similar feelings as you. My husband was doing all the things that needed doing, but spent very little time actually just sitting and talking to me.

On Friday we went out to dinner, just the two of us, and we had a really good long talk on how both of us were feeling before, during and now after the surgery. It really helped a lot. I think sometimes it just helps to get out of the house and be alone with each other.

Judy

Going out for dinner alone sounds great. I am feeling all of the feelings I have read on this thread. My husband also spends a lot of time out in the yard. I have had many visitors but the one I want to visit with me the most is my husband. When I tried to express that to him he doesn't get it. He says he has done everything he can for me which he has. I just need that personal time with him.

You're not alone

Thank goodness Im not the only one....My husband does not understand at all and there ends up being so much tension between us. He is under pressure at work at the moment and I hate being left alone and feel depressed when I am not around people...I am struggling to cope with the loss of uterus and ovaries. Going to have to visit my Gp again...does anyone else take anti-depressants with HRT?

I too have had the roller coaster ride with emotions. I think part of it is hormones and another part is just the let down. Think about it_____ most of us have had ample time preparing for our surgery, talking about it, researching about it, questioning if it was right or wrong, and waiting for that day to come. Now that the surgery is over and we are well into recovery, we don't have the wait to focus on any more, but rather getting on with our lives. I had a month to prepare for my LAVH/ LSO and I put so much energy into research and understanding it and even worrying about it. I had deep conversations with my Dh, parents, co workers and friends. Now I don't have that- its just a normal day back at work, my Dh has lots of things to get done on the ranch, my friends know I'm ok and now are busy with there own lives. Sure we talk, but the focus is different- which it should be, and the conversations are spread farther apart. For me, I still need to hear the reassurance that everything is ok ( still maybe feeling a little odd that I no longer have my uterus an ovaries) and that's where those darn hormones come into play. I'm still fighting to get them leveled out. Somedays are better than others. But I know this too shall pass.
All I can say is hang in there and don't feel bad for keeping the communication open.

Happy healing,
Leslie