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5 months post op, scared to have sex
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04-28-2012, 05:28 PM
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Posts: 14,518
Hysterectomy: July 20th, 2011
Surgery Type: TVH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Re: 5 months post op, scared to have sex
Hi "little sister"! I don't think you need to worry too much about the use it or lose situation. You do have your ovaries and are nowhere near menopause. Please don't listen to people who say your sex life will suck now. That is simply not true! It may be different in some ways but you won't know the difference so nothing to stress about.
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04-28-2012, 05:47 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 34
Hysterectomy: March 19th, 2012
Surgery Type: TAH/SAH
Ovaries: Undecided
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Re: 5 months post op, scared to have sex
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Quote: |
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Originally Posted by Lady Hopeful
Many doctors say not to wait too long. Scar tissue can tend to be fibrous and not stretch as well as regular tissues. I'm a gyne RN and I've heard many doctors tell their post-op patients that if they don't use it, they'll lose it. If you wait too long then you could experience vaginal shortening and/or vaginal atrophy and end up with problems you really don't want.
I also am afraid about sex, but I figure that tearing through the cuff is pretty unlikely. I've been reading and reading these forums for weeks now and have yet to stumble upon one post where that's happened. It seems like if it was a real risk then somebody would have had it occur, right? Likely then it's an irrational fear and not something that will really happen.
Women and sexual arousal usually isn't just as simple as a hormone (although hormones can help some women with drive) or a little pill. If it were that easy then there'd be a Viagra for women out there.
Sex for me is about passion and connection, fantasy and the erotic. So to keep the home fires burning, my husband and I make sure to spend some time making out off and on throughout the day. Deep passionate kissing, touching, witty sexual banter, a little dirty talk, all the sorts of things that are preludes to sex. I figure I'm having the longest foreplay since back when we were courting 26 years ago!
Last week, I read a sexy book that I've been wanting to read and then described the events to my husband, in detail, over a quiet dinner, reminding him (and me) just what I'd like him to do to me when I'm all better.
Throughout history, and even today in parts of this world, lots and lots of women died in childbirth, so if you think about it sex has always been a death-defying act for a woman. Women risk their lives time and time again and why? Sometimes it is forced on them, but that's not always why. Their desire for their husbands was so great that they forgot their fears and let their passions take over.
I'm trying to stay tapped into that powerful life-affirming energy so that when the time comes I'll be at interested again.
Sexual energy has to be nurtured and fed in order to grow and build. I think as women sometimes we think sex is something that happens to us rather than something we actively participate in. But we have to open our minds and our bodies to the experience if we want to enjoy it in its fullness.
If actual penetration is too frightening then maybe it's time for some heavy petting to wake up those nerve endings. How about go parking somewhere and let him get to second base. Go buy the naughtiest new underwear you've never let yourself have because you were always afraid you'd bleed all over it. Tie him to the bedpost and get on top. That way you know you totally control depth.
All I'm suggesting is that if you haven't started to naturally thaw after five months it might be time to stick that puppy in the microwave and defrost it manually.
Good luck! I hope you read this post in the loving spirit in which it was intended.
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Awesome! I love your attitude! I must say I think I've forgotten as I'm single and have been without for some time! But when I thought about not having the fibroids, as someone mentioned -"in the way", it makes me very optimistic. AND reading your post here gives me hope too, that when I do meet someone and have sex again, I will be so filled with anticipation, it may be the best ever!
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04-29-2012, 04:52 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 23
Hysterectomy: February 14th, 2012
Surgery Type: LAVH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Re: 5 months post op, scared to have sex
I had sex weeks 6 weeks after my LAVH and have steadily kept it up since! No pain to report. Your doctor wouldn't release you if you weren't healed.
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05-11-2012, 10:32 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 327
Hysterectomy: April 24th, 2012
Surgery Type: LSH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Re: 5 months post op, scared to have sex
I have the OK from my doctor but I'm not ready for intercourse just yet (2+ weeks out!). I am thinking 'big make out session' where you do everything but the deed, for awhile anyway. There are a lot of ways to make a man happy, and sexual attention from us is one of the things they live for. I love the closer vibe sex gives the house too.
It will be like being a teen over again and once more I'M the one who gets to say when it's OK. But it doesn't mean we can't have fun in the meantime!
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05-12-2012, 06:44 AM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 210
Hysterectomy: March 11th, 2012
Surgery Type: TAH
Ovaries: Removed both
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Re: 5 months post op, scared to have sex
Day before my 8 week mark and I finally felt safe enough to try intercourse, and it was fantastic! I have always been a G-spot girl and was afraid that would be missing, I am happy to say it wasn't. My OG was just as satisfying and intense as it always has been. With out hormones we had to use some lube, but that was the case before my surgery as well. Try not to be too afraid ladies, if you have an understanding patient partner all should go well!
CHEERS to resuming a healthy happy sex life.
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05-12-2012, 07:25 AM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 327
Hysterectomy: April 24th, 2012
Surgery Type: LSH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Re: 5 months post op, scared to have sex
Right on Kayla! Thanks so much for the encouragement and I'm so happy for you to still have your G-groove!
Losing my uterus wasn't as frightening as the thought of losing the appeal of sex with hubby. Without the massive tumor I'll get to feel what it's like not to have to 'ouch - be careful' for the first time in over 20 years!
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05-12-2012, 08:53 AM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 263
Hysterectomy: January 27th, 2012
Surgery Type: TLH
Ovaries: Removed both
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Re: 5 months post op, scared to have sex
I waited about 3 months (husband travels a lot) and when we tried I was very, VERY nervous about the cuff, etc, which of course did not help me to relax. It was not great - He could penetrate fine but it feels like he is hitting a wall inside so we could only have very shallow sex (even with different positions). It felt like what I worried about, that he would go through sometthing. To him it felt normal but of course he could tell he was not able to go in all the way. UGH! I don't know if that was the cuff or what but I've looked a lot online and apparently this can happen sometimes. It was definitely a bummer - I made an appt with my regular gyn this coming week to have her check me out (so hard to get back in with the surgeon) and to talk about this. From what I see, many women go on to have sex once they are cleared with no problem, so hopefully you will do just fine!!
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05-12-2012, 05:08 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 34
Hysterectomy: March 19th, 2012
Surgery Type: TAH/SAH
Ovaries: Undecided
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5 months post op, scared to have sex
Oh that must be so frustrating for both of you! As I mentioned in a previous post, I am single, with no one in sight yet....so....I'm sure I'll be quite nervous my first time 'round with someone again! Many of you have very patient and understanding husbands/partners who care for your well being. I don't know how it will be for me with someone entirely NEW. Please keep us posted, Carolinagrl42. Hope you can get some helpful resolve from gyn.
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05-12-2012, 06:01 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 13
Hysterectomy: April 23rd, 2012
Surgery Type: DvH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Re: 5 months post op, scared to have sex
Lady Hopeful, You brought me some hope for when it comes time to "defrost". Thank you for the smiles.
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05-12-2012, 06:05 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 327
Hysterectomy: April 24th, 2012
Surgery Type: LSH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Re: 5 months post op, scared to have sex
Hi Suluma, as Carly Simon sang: "A good man loves a good scar". It might be a great way of knowing for sure a guy is able to take care of _you_!
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