I don't want to get better......

Does anyone feel like that? I'm sure it's because of the tremendous depression I'm under right now but the better I feel physically, the worse I feel emotionally.

I should be thanking God for a successful outcome so far and all I can think about is life returning to normal and how much I don't want to return to my normal life.

What is wrong with me? Am I selfish? I'm I severely depressed? Am I just psycho?

I hate the way I feel right now.

Hugs Denise. You are not crazy. Well maybe you are but if that's the case then I'm crazy right along with you. I just returned back to work last week. My doctor was very generous and gave me an 8 week recovery. Love that man!! Well plunging head first back into "real life" has left me in a total funk and all I want to do is run and dive head first back under my covers. I could just cry. But such is life, it will get better again.

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Originally Posted by Tara1973 Hugs Denise. You are not crazy. Well maybe you are but if that's the case then I'm crazy right along with you. I just returned back to work last week. My doctor was very generous and gave me an 8 week recovery. Love that man!! Well plunging head first back into "real life" has left me in a total funk and all I want to do is run and dive head first back under my covers. I could just cry. But such is life, it will get better again.

I've got 12 weeks of recovery. That's six weeks more. But I'm sure I'll be back to work sooner. Thankfully, I have the ability to work from home. So first step will be working from home part-time, probably in the next week or so. Not sure how that works with disability though.

I do feel pretty unstable right now. I've got a feeling that a lot of my conversation with my doc will be about this on Wednesday.

You're not crazy at all, Denise. I had a smooth recovery, and noticed such an improvement over how I'd been feeling prior to surgery, almost immediately. Still, I had days where I dreaded the thought of returning to "real life". To be honest, I enjoyed the fact that for the first time in my life, I wasn't expected to be in charge of everything. I knew that as soon as I got back to work, everyone would assume I was 100%, and that's pretty much how it went. I thoroughly enjoyed being home for six weeks and being pampered - I can't lie. Hang in there. Everything you're feeling is normal.

I think that your under a tremendous amount of stress with your recovery problems and life in general. It is hard to think of getting back to normal when things have been so hard. Hang in there you'll get through it your a strong person!

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Originally Posted by a_new_life You're not crazy at all, Denise. I had a smooth recovery, and noticed such an improvement over how I'd been feeling prior to surgery, almost immediately. Still, I had days where I dreaded the thought of returning to "real life". To be honest, I enjoyed the fact that for the first time in my life, I wasn't expected to be in charge of everything. I knew that as soon as I got back to work, everyone would assume I was 100%, and that's pretty much how it went. I thoroughly enjoyed being home for six weeks and being pampered - I can't lie. Hang in there. Everything you're feeling is normal.

I guess that's a lot of it. Everyone looks to me to run the family. I'm tired of making everyone's decisions. I devoted the last 23 years to my kids and totally neglected myself and my marriage. I have a job as a Project Coordinator but I feel I can do so much more. I've been in college here and there over the years but I always wind up quitting because my selfish family wouldn't cooperate. When I tried online classes they wouldn't give me time to study. When I wouild leave to go to classes the household would fall apart. So, I always came last. This was the first time in 23 years I put myself first by moving forward with this surgery. I wish I could just resign from the whole mom and wife thing.

Try asking you doctor to check your hormone levels and your thyroid. I found this website because I was crying for no reason and feeling crazy. I found that my estrogen levels were low and now Im on a low dose estrogen patch. Even though I have my ovaries, Im 42 and may be going through the change of life. Im feeling a ton better even though I still get PMs each month Im not crying and feeling crazy anymore. Talk to your doctor and if they say its normal, demand labs. Some doctors play you off and the problem will only get worse. Good luck

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Originally Posted by stewart20fan Try asking you doctor to check your hormone levels and your thyroid. I found this website because I was crying for no reason and feeling crazy. I found that my estrogen levels were low and now Im on a low dose estrogen patch. Even though I have my ovaries, Im 42 and may be going through the change of life. Im feeling a ton better even though I still get PMs each month Im not crying and feeling crazy anymore. Talk to your doctor and if they say its normal, demand labs. Some doctors play you off and the problem will only get worse. Good luck

I still have my ovaries, as well. I will definitely be bringing this up to her on Wednesday. In fact, I'll probably send her an email ahead of time. Just in case I'm feeling better when I go in there and chicken out.

Thanks,

"A_new_life" said it well. It has been a unique experience not looking after everyone else for a change. And, I know that when I return to the office, everyone will expect me to be at 100%.

When I received my cancer diagnosis, it made me think a lot about whether I wanted the same life after surgery. I had a lot of sleepless nights to think about this and I decided to start a new habit of taking care of myself first - something I am not good at doing. At the same time, I remind myself to "take it one day at a time."

I don't think you are selfish or psycho.

Denise first off a big huge to you.

You are not crazy. I know that there are times that I want to resign from the whole mom and wife thing also. Throw being a step-mom into the mix and I wonder all the time what in the world I did to deserve all of this.

The stress of everyday life at my house is sometimes overwhelming, I am right there with you.

It will get better I keep telling myself.

for you, me and all the other hystersisters!