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responding to the "when are you having kids?"/marie claire article responding to the "when are you having kids?"/marie claire article

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  #11  
Unread 08-19-2010, 10:33 PM
Re: responding to the "when are you having kids?"/marie claire article

HONEY I AM RIGHT THERE WITH YOU!!! I have known for a long time that i don't want children. I love my step grandkids to pieces (yes i am 36 but my hubby is 53) but I haven't wanted kids of my own for a very long time. People used to say "Oh you'll change your mind when you get married" My response always was "Why don't you be happy with the fact that I am smart enough to know i don't want kids? instead of one of those people who does it anyway and then ignores her kids?" I don't understand why society cannot be happy for and understand that women do not need to have kids to prove their worth in life. i hold nothing against women who do have them, i give them credit. I just wish people felt the same about those of us who don't want to have them or cant.




  Quote:
Originally Posted by jennijohnson14 View Post
so just read september's issue of Marie Claire and there was an interesting article about this woman and how she never wanted children, but everyone disregards her.

This has been my story too, I'm 32 and as long as I can remember I have never wanted children, so having a hysterectomy in that regard was ok for me. Don't get me wrong, I love my nephews to bits and think having children must be one of life's greatest blessings and very sad for those who can't conceive but wish to. I was told when I was 18 to either have them then or would never be able to, it was always not on the table really, and I had asked for a hysterectomy starting when I was 25, and no dr would touch me till I was "in your 30's and married b/c you'll change your mind otherwise about having children". What good is fertility if you don't have any quality of life? how can I get pregnant when I can't even stand sex b/c its too painful?

However I have ALWAYS had people think I'm crazy when I say I or my husband don't want to have children, when they rudely ask "SO when are you going to finally have that family?". I can not tell you how many people tell me I don't know what I want, I'll change my mind, its not natural, etc.

But now...do I tell them flat out, I can't? that I had a hysterectomy? it will depend on the situation but I just don't know what I'll say.

what has been your experience with this issue of people asking you about having kids?
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  #12  
Unread 08-19-2010, 10:40 PM
Re: responding to the "when are you having kids?"/marie claire article

My old GYN had told me 2 years ago that endometriosis usually leaves 85-90% of women unable to have kids and sterile. Which was fine. Someone rudely asked me last year "Well you must really hate kids since you don't want to have them huh?" I never said i hate them..just i know i dont have patience for them all the time. So when i snapped back that I cannot have kids...she said to me "Oh your doctor is wrong. I had a girlfriend who had bad endometriosis and the doctor said she'd never have kids either. But she prayed and boom she got pregnant and had her baby!" Well that's your friend not me..sigh

sorry i had to vent
  #13  
Unread 08-19-2010, 10:57 PM
Re: responding to the "when are you having kids?"/marie claire article

thanks everyone for your comments and sharing your experience with this. I like the suggestions for how to turn it back on them...will definitely be using them in the future!

happy healing to you all
  #14  
Unread 08-19-2010, 11:43 PM
Re: responding to the "when are you having kids?"/marie claire article

Jen:

Ya know what I would do?? i'd sit down at my computer and send Marie Claire a very firm yet polite email or letter saying how you feel about it. I am sure we arent the only ones upset by that.
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