Does anyone have SMALL children they try to explain this to????

Im scheduled to have my hyst on Oct 10, 2001! Im not afraid at all about the whole procedure and afterwards, because I don't think anything can be worse than what Ive experienced over the years. Im just terrified to be away from my 2 daughters, ages 4&8 for a few days, or should I say that "they" be away from me. Im expecially concerned about my 4 year old. My 8 year old understands more than she does, and my 4year old and I are expecially close. I tried to prepare her for it last nite, and she cried terribly!!! It broke my heart, and because of it I am expecially nervous today thinking about it! Any suggestions????? Thanks!

Hi,

I have a 14 year old girl, an eight year old boy and a 4 year old girl. I know what you are talking about. My poor little girl was in tears the day before my surgery. Her brother did not help. He has the brotherly habit of terrorizing her at times. I just kept on reinforcing with her that mommy was going to be alright and, in fact, may be even better after she recovers form surgery. I gave her little tasks to help me prepare for my admission and even took her shopping to help get some of the things that I thought I would need. The day of surgery(same day admission) I told her what she could bring me when she came to visit me that night. It was her task alone to do. It seemed to help her. She sure didn't let her dad forget about what she was supposed to do

Once I got home I just had to remind her that mommy's tummy was sore and that although I could not pick her up I was more than willing to have some extra cuddle time!!
She really seemed to appreciate this.

Noel

Did your children come to visit you on your first day??? I really dont want them to see me "out of it", and tubes everywhere. Did it help you and them to see them on the first day, or would you suggest waiting until the 2nd day????? Thanks again! As you can see the anxiety is starting to kick in today!!!

dear mary:

you are not alone! i have 2 daughters, 6 and 8. the older one understands a little more, for example, that the doctor is removing my uterus. the younger one just knows that i am going to the hospital an that i will have to stay in bed for a while after that. my husband has been telling them for weeks that they will have to help him with chores, shopping, etc, when mommy has her operation. i don't think they know what to expect, and i think they don't even know what to ask.

who do you have to help you with the kids after the surgery? maybe you could all sit down together and talk about mommy going to the hospital, and how this person (dad? relative? friend?) is going to be there to take care of mommy and the kids. your little one sounds like she is afraid of being apart from you. she could probably use some reassurance that you are going to be fine, and are not going to be gone for long, and that there are specific other people who will make it their priority to take care of you and her and her sister. maybe you and she could set up a little chair next to your bed where she can come and sit and keep you company after the surgery. maybe you can spend some time with the kids drawing pictures to decorate your bedroom while you are recuperating. i think helping her feel safe will ease her mind. she's so young she can't really grasp what will happen to you in the hospital.

good luck to you! and to all of us october sisters.

debbie-the-k

I have a daughter (8) and a son (2). They have been absolutely wonderful!

I pretty much told them that Mommy would be going into the hospital for a couple of days, but would be back very soon. My daughter came to visit in the hospital... but she has been in the hospital herself for epilepsy, and knows all about the tubes, IV's, etc. It did not scare her, but I don't know how she would have done if she had not had the (unfortunate) previous hospital experiences.

I wouldn't recommend the younger children to visit. You will not feel up to "putting on a good face" for them. Also, the hospital is a wonderful place for little ones to pick up germies. It would be better for them if they can see you when it is time to come home. It might be heartbreaking for you if they come, and expect you to come home with them... (am I making sense?) With all of your hormones/emotions going to be in turmoil, not to mention the pain... I would just wait until it is time to go home.

Once you get home, emphasize the fact that "Mommy has a boo-boo" and cannot pick them up or pick up toys, etc. Make it a game to see who can put away the most first, etc. Also, enlist their help (getting water, etc.) to make them feel they are helping you and are needed.

Good luck. Let us know how you do, and what you decide.

Hi Again,

They did not visit me the first night. My surgery was late in the day and I did not get to my room until almost 5pm. They did call me, however, and that was when my four year old reassured me that she was seeing to her personal task

They arrived the next day, but I still had my catheter, drain, IV and O2 on. The had discreetly hidden some of the things and, on the whole the kids were not too freaked out. My 8 year old thought it was cool - it's a boy thing I'm sure!!! The four year old was just happy to see that I was OK and that she could deliver my my two scratch and win tickets that I had won. Later they helped me walk in the halls with the drain and IV still attached. Believe it or not the 4 year old was the most helpful - she wanted to push the IV and help me sit!!!

Hi Mary,

My children were 3 & 8 when I had my first surgery. (Removal of benign ovarian tumor. Part of my ovary went, as well.) Both of their memories are very sketchy. - They both remember my coming home from the hospital, though!

I did explain to them both, although not in great detail, about the operation & that I would look sick afterwards, but would really be ok. (I remember seeing my mother just after she got in her room after her hyster & being frightened because she looked so terrible! Her face was drained of color & she was moaning. I was only 18 and had never seen someone who had just had an operation before.) Anyway, I thought it was important to stress that Mommy might look/feel bad for a while, but that she would be much better soon.

Another thing that I did was buy them each a teddy bear. I gave the bears names (which I'm sorry to say I can't remember now!) & gave them to my children and told them to hug the bears at night if they got lonely & that the bears would keep them company. Both my children, now 14 & 19, still have those bears!

Well, I hope this helps.

Best of luck to you,
Michelle

p.s. I was only in the hospital for one night, so I didn't have them visit. I was worried it would be scary for them.

I have a 9,5 and almost 4 year old. I haven't really explained much other than my tummy is going to be really sore and right around Christmas. (December 4th surgery - Christmas is exactly 3 weeks later.)

So far, all we have discussed is that everyone has to pick up after themselves and that mommy will spend alot of time on her behind! (They thinnk that is funny - because I usually run around like a crazy woman!)

My 4 year old has decided that she is old enough to feed the cat so i told her that would be very helpful. That got my 5 year old into competing mode and he said he could make his bed 'everyday'. My 9 year old just rolls his eyes. *L*

Christmas should be very intersting around here this year.

I will be watching this post for ideas and suggestions!

Mugwump

My boys are older, 20, 19 and 12. I had to explain it to my 12 year old. He knows all about the "sex thing", etc. so it was pretty easy really. Told him I had been having trouble with my period and about the fibroid. We really had an adult conversation. Then his godmother, one of my best friends came to visit. He was in the room when she was asking me all about it. He then looked at her and asked her if she had had hers yet?! I think he was a little ! I guess he thought every woman was supposed to have a hysterectomy like we all have (.). Thought we were going to die laughing! Anyway, they all came to see me the second day. One of my older boys came the day of surgery but I couldn't even talk to him, I just slept and slept. It all seems like a dream now and it was only 2 1/2 weeks ago!

My daughter is five...and she's pretty smart and sensitive. Her imagination is powerful, so I decided not to tell her more than the minimal amount she needed.

I didn't tell her until the day before the surgery (sunday, surgery was Monday EARLY) and then just told her that I had to have something in my tummy fixed. She knew I was always hurting and tired, so that sounded like a good idea to her. No details about surgery, hospital, etc. If she had asked where I would be getting this fixed, I would have told her, but she didn't ask. I took my cues from her on how much info she needed. Then I told her she'd be having an adventure, too...she would have a sleepover at grandma's. She liked that. I didn't say how long I'd be away, just that we would talk on the phone whenever we wanted. She was fine with that.

I didn't have her visit in the hospital, because I didn't want to upset her (me looking awful), didn't want to have to worry about her worrying about me, and didn't want to deal with the scene I knew she'd make when she realized she had to leave me there! I missed her terribly, but for for us, talking on the phone was fine. I bought little gifts, which my mom gave her each day, telling her that mommy had bought this for her as a special treat. She loved that, of course.

Each child is different, and will react differently. You know what will work best for YOUR kid(s)...go with what your guts and heart tell you on this one. There's no right or wrong answer!!

Good luck!

Karen