A month of changes

Hi all.
Well, my 50th birthday approaches next week, and in a sense, it will be marking a new start for me, or at least this month will. I have basically been living my life almost in hiding for the past few years. I have--I can now say definitively--an extremely large uterine fibroid.

Due to many reasons that, in a way now sound ridiculous, I have been hiding it from everyone I know... even my husband, though it now seems like a miracle I was able to pull that off. I'm 5'8" and quite slim. I've been hiding in baby doll smocks and large t-shirts, and let him think I was just gaining weight.

I had done only a bit of research on what my growing belly could be, and I had so many fears, I was afraid to look too far. Basically, I lived my life in denial. I actually hoped it was indeed fibroids, but the "what-ifs" just freaked me out. I lost my fiance and my daughter's father, when he was only 37 to cancer and I just couldn't go there again, and I didn't want to put my daughter through that. (I'm not saying that was rational way to approach it.) Also, my husband is self-employed and we did not have insurance, so financial devastation was added to my list of fears.

Fast-forward to now... I finally got the courage to tell my husband a few months ago, and we've been proactive since. First things first, as of the 1st of July, I now have insurance! It is the biggest relief I can imagine, and not to be political, but it is due entirely to "Obamacare" and the pre-existing condition clause--life-changing event number one. The second, I had an ultrasound done last week that confirmed it was indeed a predunculated uterine fibroid. The radiologist was able to tell me as much, and due to its size, and the fact that it is projecting so far out of my abdomen, she was able to get the entire picture with a regular ultrasound and was able to forego the vaginal one. I'm scheduled to see my doctor on the 10th to hopefully get the surgery scheduled ASAP.

In truth, I'm scared to death of the surgery itself and I'd prefer not to get a hysterectomy, which my doctor already recommended before the ultrasound, due to the size. But when I think of the after effects, being able to finally wear regular clothes, to stand up for more than 20 minutes at a time without lower back pain, to be able to eat a normal size meal again, to not have to carry a sweater over my arm in public to avoid questions about when I'm due, to not avoid seeing my sisters, because I know they'll see it and my secret will be exposed, to be able to sit without my ribcage being painfully pressed upon... just to list some major symptoms.

It's hard to think about what I've put up with and put myself through the past few years, but when I look at where I'll be at the end of this month, it's almost too good to be true. I'll be able to live normally again, and will try to live in the future instead of the past.

I hope surgery goes well for you. I had a hysterectomy a week and a half ago it wasn't so bad. I was more scared about the surgery and after it was over I was like that wasn't so bad.
My neighbors say my stomach looks smaller but then again my uterus is now not there. Hope all goes well for you. Glad you have insurance now.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Having a Hysterectomy is a really big deal. Sometimes it takes some time to convince yourself that that is the direction you need to go. Now, it seems that you have made the leap with your doctors strong recommendation.

I know this is scary and highly emotional. All of these feelings are normal. We will be here by your side throughout this process. We understand what you are going through. Keep posting on the site. It really does help.

Happy Birthday (next week) and I'm glad things are looking up and working for you, now. This may sound a little silly, but after surgery there may be brief moments where you actually miss your fibroid since it's been your companion for so long! Many of us don't want a hysterectomy, it's just a necessity and most of us are scared of surgery. So, you are normal! Best wishes for your surgery and recovery!

Happy birthday. I am getting ready for surgery on the 11th. I noticed my stomach getting bigger too. I am glad you are getting yourself taken care of. Sorry you had to go so long with this.

Having a hysterectomy is a big deal I just meant that once it was over I was glad it was done. My neighbors got tired of me talking about it glad this site is here for someone to talk to. The hardest part of recovery is not lifting things you want to do things to help out with the house but if you do too much you start to hurt. Lately I feel like I can do the laundry or whatever then I start to lift and I hurt. I am back on the couch just hanging out and going on little walks around my yard. Rode in the car yesterday my stomach kind of hurt after it.

Thanks everyone for your words of encouragement. The fact is, although I fear the surgery itself, I am more looking forward to having it done.
I don't know how much the large fibroid will complicate the surgery and the recovery, hopefully I'll find out more from my doctor on Tuesday. But I've already bought a couple of "regular shirts" and the happiest day of my life will be the day I can actually wear them and look normal again!