Husband not understanding?

My hyst is April 26th and my husband doesn't get it!! His mom battled cancer for 10 years before it spread to her brain and she died. She had so many surgeries and chemo and all the while was a perfect mom and wife and friend. She is so far up on that pedestol that God can't take her down.

So when I hear my mom had this surgery and was just fine and my mom did this and she didnt take any time off I want to scream!!

His mom is waaay far off limits but I am going crazy. I'm not her and I'm sure his memory is a little screwy.

Any suggestions to make him "get" that this is a big deal???

No one that has passed on has ever had a shortcoming in the eyes of a loved one, all memories become ones of love and perfection. While trying to get your husband to understand how you feel without crossing the line about his mom, maybe you can say things like how much you admire her strength and grace, and while you hope to be able to harness her example, that you are not her, everyone has a different life experience, you are scared and need his love and support while you blaze your own path. It is a big deal, guys are different than us though. My boyfriend "get's it" but it won't be till the day of surgery and after that he will really get it, and he has even said that, I think it is a sort of way they cope with things. Good luck to you.

I am so sorry for you.
I have no advice, just want to share that this site can be a resource for you... WE understand, even if he doesn't.
Surround yourseld with other people that will give you moral support, too.
He is probably downplaying it because he is scared- men get like that, where they cannot face the possibility of loss, so they shut off the emotions and empathy.
I feel for you- ((hugs))
Dee

You know, in the end, you're the one who's going to have to lie down on that table and have the surgery. It will be YOUR experience, and it doesn't matter what your husband thinks it should be like. You will have it, and then he will see what's what. So many things that we worry about happening, usually don't happen. Best of luck to you, and just try to stay as positive as you can. Personally, I was happy to be able to have my surgery and get rid of my terrible problems, and that is mostly what I communicated to my husband, though of course he knew I was nervous.

Thanks for you replies

I feel better now. I think that once he sees me all messed up after surgery he will "get it" and hopefully be supportive. I don't want to tarnish his memories, it is all he has left of his mom. I just hate having to feel like I have to compete! It is a horrible feeling and I'm sure most of it is in my head too!