Needing some validation, here....

So, here's the deal. I don't have my surgery scheduled, yet, but it's going to be soon (some issues that can't really wait).

I live in Ohio and my mother (my only family) lives in Arizona. I live alone, but have several very good friends nearby and a family friend that I've known since I was born about 4 hours away.

The family friend has offered to come up and stay with me for the surgery and some time after (probably a couple of weeks) and my friends have offered to take 'shifts' to care for me after that. My mother wanted me to come to AZ for a few weeks to finish my recovery after the family friend leaves. She can't (won't) come here because she just moved to AZ about a month ago and has no one there to care for her two dogs. I said I'd think about it.

After thinking about it for about a week, I told her, tonight, that I wouldn't be coming out there for my recovery. I told her that I wanted to be near my own doctors if something happened and that I would be more comfortable recovering in my own home, in my own bed. Needless to say, she was not happy, as she wants to be the one with me while I'm recovering.

Now, I'm not angry that she doesn't want to leave her dogs in the hands of strangers. We have always treated our animals as if they were members of the family and we love them, probably more than we should, so I don't blame her for wanting to be secure in knowing they're getting good care and are happy.

I am, however, slightly annoyed that she feels that I should uproot myself after major surgery and fly out to a new place that I don't know, where I don't know that I'll be comfortable, without a single doctor I know within 3000 miles and none of my friends even close enough to come visit me.

Am I being unreasonable here? I have a right to be as comfortable and as happy as I can be while I'm recovering, don't I?

Mom's want to help out, and sometimes don't know how. I'm sure she is worried sick about you. BUT...I'm 9 weeks out and STILL need to be home recovering. Nothing like being in your own home, with your comfy blankets, no bra and your own remote control. LOL...as long as you have people who are dedicated to your recovery at home, you should feel comfortable in your own home. And if your mom wants to help, she can start by not putting a guilt trip on you.

I agree. Moms sometimes want to help so much and feel so guilty when they can't that they get upset - more at themselves than at you (speaking from personal experience!)

I also felt that I wanted to be at home - my own home - no underwear, bad hair, smelly breath, bad habits etc - hmmm, makes me sound awful, but it's the truth. I am now 8 weeks out and am still lounging when I get the chance. I appreciated familiar places, knew the shortest routes in the stores so I didn't get tired, had friends to call, my own vehicle with my own tummy pillow.

I am thinking that once she gets over her own disappointment that your mom will appreciate your point of view and will try to support you in other ways.

My family lives near my doctors and I still had an aunt stay with me for a few days then on my own for the rest of my recovery because, it's my homeand was way more comfortable at home. Plus, you will be recovering, probably not up to flying or even navigating the airport or the flight at that time. Your concern about your doctors is a legitimate one. I have been having issues with a temp and don't even want to talk to a doctor other than my normal one with that minor of an issue let alone something major like a hysterectomy. Nobody puts a guilt trip on like a mother, or any family member for that matter, I have decided. BUT this is a time you need to make decisions that will make your recovery the best for you and only you.

Hi,

There is no way you can pick up 2 weeks after surgery and fly to AZ. That's totally unrealistic. You should be doing okay by that point to be on your own, but you will have a lot of healing left to do. If you have your fridge and freezer stocked, have clothing positioned in a reachable and have your house organized so you can reach things plus make sure you can get to your doctor appointments, you should be able to manage on your own - I have done it.

But even if you got a nonstop flight, you won't be able to manage a suitcase, etc. plus, let's say you do need your doctor, you'll be too far away to get in.

You need to be at home. You made the right call.

Thanks, sisters. I really needed to hear this.

No - your gut feeling is correct! Stay put after your surgery, and I'm sure you will manage with a bit of support from nearby friends.
I had a TAH/BSO (with a long vertical incision), so that was pretty invasive surgery, yet I was on my own (I live alone), and happy to be. I did get some help from my widowed brother and I had made a LOT of preparations beforehand in terms of food and getting things within easy reach.
I felt more relaxed on my own. Could walk or lie down just when i felt like it. I loved many aspects of my recovery time!

You don't need your mom putting guilt trips on you, or maybe that's unfair - she may be feeling torn and guilty herself.
You will want the security of being near your doc. or the hospital if there are any complications. Hang in there!

I would totally agree with the others. I cant imagine traveling soon after surgery. I went for a 10 minute car ride today and it wore me out. (11 days post op). Traveling is so exhausting, it could really set your recovery back. Your body will need so much rest to heal properly.

I also had my mom offer to take care of me at her place. Although I appreciated the offer, I am glad that I decided to stay in my own home. My mom is still there for me. She checks on me every day with a phone call. even though she isn't here with me, she is helping me through my recovery. Let your mom know she can help with your recovery through emotional support over the phone. It is just as important as having someone to help with the day to day physical needs. Assure her that you have friends that can help you at your place.

She's your mama. You will always be her baby. My parents have been wanting to come get me and bring me home with them for entire recovery. Leave DH and kitties. Lol. I'm their 38yr old baby whose hurt and they want to fix it. Please try not to be upset with her. I've read a lot of posts here about those who have noone and are trying to figure out how to do this alone. We're lucky!! Even if it does get on our nerves a little. Lol.

with all our sisters. I recovered at home alone despite my mother wanting me at her house just across town. I "only" had a dvH, so less invasive, but I still couldnt have travelled. I love the idea of connecting with her on the phone. Tell her about all that your wonderful friends have commited to do to help you, & let her know what you are doing to help for post-op too. Maybe keeping her "in the loop" will help her feel involved & that she is indeed helping you. A fun thing that would be wonderful for you is if she sent you a care package or even an "edible arragement"- after all fruit and chocolate are 's orders right? I was thrilled at a simple salad a friend brought me a couple days after I got home from the .
to you for a smooth surgery & recovery.