Never going to make it

I'm such an emotional wreck right now! I'm never going to make it all the way to Feb without going crazy! I'm so 'weepy' at times for no reason. And the weeping isn't just about surgery. Is this normal? My mom passed away last year, I really miss her, we got along great, but she'd been one of the people along with my sister and my husband who constantly criticized me for being so tired all the time. I finally have answers why I've felt like crap for over 3 years now and I feel such relief, but also anger that I've had to go through this for 3 years and feel like such a piece of crap about myself. Before this started, I'd been on top of everything, yes I'd enjoyed sleeping in when allowed, but I wasn't tired all the time and I was always the perfect "SusyHomemaker". Then I started feeling crappy and tired and just seemed to do the 'necessary'. I feel like I'd been put through hell from everyone who just couldn't understand that I wasn't being lazy, I was physically tired! I've known there was something wrong with me, but couldn't figure out what it was. Along with all of that, I still need to get Christmas shopping done, but husband keeps putting me off with wait till he has more money or time and I'm going to end up last minute shopping from the looks of it. We're going on a trip in January and my belly is so huge right now, don't think any of my bathing suits will fit and not sure where to get one before the trip. And I worry about this new dog we have, she's six months old now and we got her from a rescue at nine weeks. Her parents where both guard dogs, doberman and a shepard, the lady assured me that it was how u raised them, not the bloodlines, but she scares me sometimes. She's turned out great with us, me and the kids, but doesn't like anyone else to come near her, not even kids. I've taken her to obedience, I take her places trying to socialize her, but nothing seems to work. I'd seen this shyness and some aggression in her right away, but my husband won't listen to me and insisted we get her, and keep her, so I've done everything I can to make her nice, but she still won't accept other people. She won't stop barking and growling at people until they sit down at my house, and sometimes she still barks at them then. She grabbed my brother in laws arm the other day when he was coming in the door, lightly, but still freaked me out. She isn't aggressive with my kids, but she jumps on them when they're on the floor and she also chews on them alot which I've been trying to stop since we got her.Ugh, now worrying that someday she's going to do something to hurt someone, but my family including husband thinks it's all in my head, that I'm judging her hard cuz we had a huge mastiff who died last year who was a big sweetiepie and no dog will ever be like him.

Hang in there. I'm one week from surgery but have been waiting since September. It's been okay until just the last couple of days. I know it's hard to get through the day sometimes.

About the dog - I understand your worries. I adopted a pit bull - lab mix from rescue when she was about 9 months. She had been abused by her previous owner and was a mess. I have had her for 5 years now and she is a wonderful dog although she doesn't like strangers (men especially). I am just careful to keep an eye on her and reassure her with strangers. And in some cases, I simply tell people not to approach her. Your dog is still very young and being "mouthy" is normal, but it should definitely be discouraged. What we did with mine was to "yelp" like a dog really loud as if she was hurting us. It seemed to make the desired impression - since she wasn't trying to hurt us. I agree that it is how you raise them, not the breed but you should be aware that there is nothing more dangerous than a fearful dog. Working with a dog trainer - not just a class at the pet store might give you some peace of mind.

But most of all, take care of you. It's very important that you have discovered the cause of your problems. Well meaning people can make you think you are crazy because they just want to snap you out of it. You're not crazy. And just remember, this will make a huge difference for you. Try to focus on the relief you will get. You can make it to February. Just keep coming back here for the support of ladies that understand what you are going through. Men can't possibly understand and even women that haven't experienced can't really know how it feels.

Tie a knot in your rope and hang on!

Jennifer

Jennifer, thank you so much for replying! I was such a wreck when I wrote that, had just finished arguing with husband, that after reading it, I figured nobody would even read the whole thing its so long. I knew you all would understand about feeling yucky and tired for so long, did other people make you feel bad sometimes too about it before you were diagnosed? As far as the dog goes. I took the advise a k9 trainer and a mastiff breeder friend of mine and went and got one of those collars with the prongs inside. I actually think it may just be what I've needed with her~ amazingly because the lady helped me get her into the right size and while there she barked at a lady and I just tugged a little on the leash and she sat down and shut up. I always thought the prongs on those were picky and it would hurt the dog, but they aren't they're smooth and I guess it isn't to hurt but to immitate the pack leader. Hope this works, also got some great advise from a few people while in there.

I'm glad you have been able to ease your mind at least regarding the dog. I totally understand being a little crazed - I'm in the middle of a fight with my DH and I'm not too rational. Didn't help that I had to put my 11 year old dog to sleep a few weeks ago and my DH didn't understand how much it hurt. We've only been married 6 months and he didn't really like the dog anyway.

Sorry you have to wait so long. Everyone says it's the worst part. I guess I'll know - a week from now I'll be on the other side in the recovery room. In a way I'm lucky - didn't have much pain, but it does make me question if this is really what I should be doing. My uterus is severely prolapsed and now my bladder and bowel are being affected so off to the castle I go.

Just remember this is a safe place to vent when you need to.

Jennifer

Good luck on your surgery Jennifer. I pray everything goes well for you and you'll be feeling wonderful soon My dog still has a long way to go, but so many people came up and told me about similar problems with their dogs and what to try that I didn't feel like mine was the only 'shy' barky dog out there. Life is so funny, some days you can go out and people are so rude, makes you wonder how society can funtion, then other days people are so helpful and kind. I guess people have bad days and don't realize who they're taking it out on. I work with the public so I always have that be nice and friendly attitude on. It takes alot of pushing before I'll snap And this site seems to be full of such great people, I can look for help and find friends.

Lisajean...I'm so sorry you have a relatively long wait. It really is the hardest part of the whole experience...the constant tension and anxiety can really take a toll on you, and makes everything else in your life seem huge and irrelevant at the same time!

You might want to talk to your doctor about your feelings and fears...it's possible that s/he can prescribe something mild to help you on really bad days.

You might also want to take your husbandd along to some pre-op appts and have the doctor explain some of this stress to him...if he understands where your fatigue and anxiety is coming from, it might help him be a little more understanding.

As for the dog issues, I'd definitely have her temperment tested by a professional obedience trainer. The last thing you want around your or anyone else's children is a shy/aggressive dog!!

And last but definitely not least...check out the Lands End online catalog...they have bathing suits that really fit actual women, and they have them all year long! www.landsend.com

Good luck and keep reading and posting...we're here for you 24/7!

Karen