Upcoming hysterectomy: I am afraid to tell others due to social perceptions

I'm a director of a small school and needed to notify our families I was going on a medical leave, I just decided to say the simple truth, that I was having a hysterectomy, as I didn't want people speculating it was something worse if I just said surgery.

I think it's important that we each do what we're comfortable with.

When I first felt my prolapse, I was so scared. I thought my uterus was dropping. That's when I heard the term "rectocele" for the first time. I did research and was amazed that so many things can start to sag, droop and fail. I wanted to talk to my friends but found that they had never heard of it. They have been supportive but don't really know what I'm going through. I am grateful to this site because it is really the only place where you can voice concerns and share information with ladies that are actually gong through the same thing. Sisters here "Get It". Thanks to everyone here!

After I got over the initial shock of it all, I think I told everybody who would listen. I told my professors because my last exams (ever) were 3 days before my hysterectomy and I knew I couldn't take ibuprofen, so I was worried I couldn't pass. I told my family, and the neighbors. I wanted people to know there was a reason I was so sick all the time and I wanted to end all the guessing about what is wrong with her? I was surprised at how much support I got from everybody. There was some concern, have you gotten another opinion? kinds of stuff, but all were encouraging. Some told me their hysterectomy stories, or their wives hysterectomy stories. For a while, I had a picture of me up as my "avatar." I had to take it down when I got my current job for privacy or security or it would still be up there. I have nothing to hide about my hysterectomy. The people at work know. I tease the younger women about no longer needing pads or tampons, and swap stories with the ladies who have had hysterectomies. So far I have only come across one negative nelly who said, "I don't think we should talk about such things in public, "and I said, "Then don't ask me why I am having a hot flash if you don't want the answer." I was surprised by how many women have had hysterectomies too, AND how many have come to me saying, I think I might have to have a hysterectomy. What do I do? I just tell them Hystersisters.com. They don't know I'm a hostess, but a couple have told me they love the site. Hope that helps a little.

If anyone wants to know I'll tell them. It's not that I believe you should tell everyone or not but it's a personal preference. I think the being more open about it removes the possible stigma that people may have and open up conversations so they understand that it's major surgery but not something that categorizes a person as a 'hag' or such nonsense.

It seems like many other things in life, if we don't make it something that can be discussed in the open we put it in a category to keep it mysterious where it can be speculated upon. If it comes up then I comment on it, not making it a big deal (other than it is major surgery ).

Hopefully you only get positive feedback from those you mention it to!

I didn't *think* I knew anyone else who'd had a hysterectomy - until I told my workmates. It turned out that three of the five women in my work unit had them! So for me, telling my workmates about the surgery turned into a major plus because it "normalized" the surgery for me.

One of the reasons I told them was that the culture in my workplace - and indeed, in the area when I live - encourages that kind of sharing. If I'd told them I was taking time off, they would have wanted to know if I was going travelling and they would have wanted all the details. If I'd told them I was taking time off for health reasons, they would have speculated that I was dying!

The other reason I was open about telling other women was that my surgery was for cancer. The initial symptoms were discovered by: me. So part of what was I was doing by telling other women was coming to grips with my own situation by turning it into an educational tool! "If you have post-menopausal bleeding, tell your doctor ASAP!"

And indeed, when other women found out I had cancer, usually one of the first questions they asked was, "How was it discovered?"

Men, on the other hand, seemed to prefer being told I was having "major abdominal surgery." Anything more detailed caused most of them to turn greenish. Either that or start telling me about women they knew who'd had surgery for breast cancer. (This latter category includes my kid brother!)

In the end, it's up to you to tell people as much or as little as you like. For me, doing the education thing worked. For you, it might not.

I had my hysterectomy 5 weeks ago due to cervical cancer aside from very close family and a few friends no one knows. I'm not embarrassed or anything just don't want sympathy I suppose and its a personal thing. People don't need to know the ins and outs of everything we go through. I find being on here helps either just reading and sharing with others if you want. People here are always ready with advice or a kind word what ever you need x

I had my surgery on February 27. Some people were okay with my saying I was having surgery and other were so concerned that I told them I was having a hysterectomy. Once I said that it what is amazing how many people had a hysterectomy or knew someone that had a hysterectomy. Their support was and still is amazing. People will always have opinions so long as you know you're doing the right thing it doesn't matter what they think say or do. Not quite two weeks yet but I am so glad that I had my hysterectomy. Please continue to come here for support, information and understanding. May you find peace moving forward.

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Originally Posted by Kel 17 I had my hysterectomy 5 weeks ago due to cervical cancer aside from very close family and a few friends no one knows. I'm not embarrassed or anything just don't want sympathy I suppose and its a personal thing. People don't need to know the ins and outs of everything we go through. I find being on here helps either just reading and sharing with others if you want. People here are always ready with advice or a kind word what ever you need x

I totally agree! It wasn't that there was a stigma, or I was embarrassed to tell. I would have been the same way if it was an appendectomy! I just didn't want sympathy and people hovering over me and continually asking questions, etc. it wasn't important for people to know about. I recovered quickly and easily, and no one even noticed that I had surgery. I know that some people like sympathy, cards, people offering help, but I prefer not to be the center of attention and I like to be self sufficient.

I only told members of my immediate family that need to know they may have an increased risk for cancer, now that I have it. I definitely am not telling any friends that still work at the company I am retired from because I just don't want to be a part of the office rumor mill, and I don't want people to look at me and be thinking about those parts that are missing. I told one friend, who I thought could be supportive. She just couldn't handle it at first, but then came around later. I feel good about keeping the information private.

It will be ok really you tell who you feel your comfortable to talk about it with and when you talk about speak in confidence so whoever you are talking about with will see you are stern on your decision.
Let them also see you know what your are talking about as this is your body.


Trust me they won't joke with you and then what has happen to me I found out there is a lot folks I didn't have no idea had similar situations.


This is more common then you can imagine.
LOL trust me.