Anxiety is high and I feel like I'm being selfish having a hysterectomy

I have had horrendous periods since I was a teenager with cramps that would make me throw up, and bleeding so heavy that I would pass out. I battle anemia constantly. I'm 31 now with 2 kids ages 8 and 4. We are done having kids. Pregnancy was miserable and high risk for me so after the last one I had my tubes tied. I have been on birth control for a couple years and it lightens the bleeding some but does nothing for the cramps. After several different kinds I'm still dealing with break through bleeding and cysts. I am so done! I have a partial LAVH scheduled for April 11 pending insurance approval. I'll keep my cervix and ovaries. I'm freaking out waiting for insurance to approve and worried that they will try to force me to try other things first or say I don't need it even though my doctor is all for it. Even with insurance coverage, it is going to cost us $2500. Last night my 8 year old had a 2 hour meltdown because I was going to be leaving him to have the surgery. I feel selfish for spending so much money on me and putting myself out of commission for so long afterwards. I really want to feel good again though. I don't want to plan my whole life around when I'm going to be bleeding and cramping. I'm so stressed!

Do not feel guilty. I am 43 and just had my hysterectomy 5 weeks ago. I have ovulated twice since surgery and while I have had bloating and heavy huge boobs, I kept waiting for the cramps! They never arrived. I have felt naked not wearing 2 extra long extra heavy overnight pads, which I'd worn all day every day for 6 months prior to surgery. I myself don't have kids. If I'd known over 10 years ago how much I would go through in pain and in the end didn't have kids anyway, I would have done this years ago. You are not being selfish. It is a quality of life issue as you describe it and as I have lived it myself. If you have given this serious thought and have made the decision, in the long run those around you will be happier as you become happier with a life that doesn't include pain, bleeding and misery. I wish you the best. It's okay to be selfish once in a while. I'm a 2nd grade teacher and boy did I feel guilty leaving 32 kids in someone else's hands. But I think back to all of the days leading up to my surgery...I wasn't at my best for them anyway. I was miserable and cranky and had to stay home some days because it was so bad. I go back next Thursday and I feel like I'm going to be of much more benefit to them after having had the hysterectomy.

Thank you! I'm so glad to hear that you are experiencing relief. I completely understand feeling miserable and cranky all the time. I feel like I'm always saying that I can't do things because I don't feel good. I want to go for a walk with my kids without bleeding through 15 minutes into the walk. I want to have energy and not feel so cruddy all the time.

I fully understand! I wanted to be able to sleep through the night without my "make-shift diaper". The last week I had to wear 5 pads strategically placed to create a diaper effect because the bleeding was so heavy. Just take care of you physically and mentally both before AND after surgery. As a mom, I'm sure you feel that you are required to do everything...but after surgery put the responsibility and guilt away and let people take care of you. That was difficult for me not for being a mom, but because I am very independent. I've read on here so many times and I fully understand it now...you only get one chance to heal correctly - so please do take full advantage of it. No housekeeping in any way whatsoever. I began to feel stressed when I saw laundry, dishes and dog hair piling up, so to keep my mind quiet I stayed in the bedroom for a while so I didn't have to see it. The place is still a disaster, but we aren't allowed to do any housework for a long while so it is what it is. I'm trading my health for a neat house right now. When you are up to it, just help the kids with homework and leave everything else up to your family. Focus on becoming a new healthier you.

That is going to be such a struggle for me too. I really like having my house clean and organized. My husband is a firefighter and works a weird schedule so I'm hoping on the days he is home, he will really step up and stay on top of laundry and dishes. I know it won't even be close to the way I keep things though. He is supposed to be asking for days off when he goes to work Sunday. I'm hoping he will be home for almost two weeks after my surgery. My mom and mother in law offered to come, but they are high maintenance people and I feel like I would be able to heal better without the stress of their company.

Maybe your 8 year old needed to express some anxiety. I have a 14 yr old and I am tired of laying in bed on a heating pad most of the month if I'm not at work. I am hoping this surgery will give him and I a better quality of life I have felt guilty because of my pain I know it effects him. I'm sure you kids will be happy to have their mommy with better healtH. Maybe you could take your daughter to the hospital and have lunch in the cafeteria a week before your surgery so she can see the hospital. Good luck!

Women are always taught to put others first, and made to feel like we're being selfish by putting ourselves first, but we should never be made to feel that way. Just as the heart first sends the blood to the arteries that feed it, we need to first look after ourselves before we can look after others. It sounds like you've been pretty much out of commission for some time, and this will hopefully put an end to it, enbaling you to take bether care of your children. As for your insurance company, ask if they'd rather pay for multiple treatments that may or may not work, or for one surgery that could put an end to all that. Here's hoping that you get approved, and for a successful surgery and recovery, that will have you back to looking after your little ones!

By me - and this is just my opinion - *you're* certainly not being selfish. However, it may be high time that your eight-year-old learned that Mumma doesn't exist solely and completely for the purpose of taking care of him. For me, eight was the age at which I learned to change diapers and warm up a bottle of formula. My second-to-youngest sibling was born then, and since my third-to-youngest was only 16 months old herself, Mom needed some help. As the oldest child, that meant me.

Your 8 year old may feel anxious about the surgery and unknown in general. LAVH is usually an overnight stay, and sometimes day surgery. Has he ever had an overnight away? Maybe it would help to make a plan for how he could visit or Face Time post op, and how you can spend time together when you get home, watching videos or reading, games, whatever. Might he spend the night with a beloved grandma perhaps? Sometimes children pick up on our anxieties, and need help to deal with it. In the end, is it better to help him through a short term disruption in his routine, or have a mom who's sick on a regular basis? As women, guilt hits us in the heart, but we need to look at the larger picture. You are doing this for the well being of yourself and your family. The surgery day and recovery can go easier with a bit of planning, and not expecting perfection. Maybe you could plan ways the 8 year old could be a special helper? There are a lot of cleaning tasks he might help with, and learn to help with a few simple things. You don't have to do it all. My "second mother" used to say, no one looks back at childhood and fondly remembers the spotless house; they remember you were there spending time with them. Concentrate on how you can do that, vs cleaning, etc. Planning may ease some anxiety as well. Waiting is the hardest part, hang in there, we are here for support.

Hey just some thoughts...
At 8 it's hard to make sense of what's going to happen to you unless they have some context. That part of the brain isn't fully developed yet and so a normal response is fear for themselves & you.

They will try all the meltdown tricks in the universe to make you not go to achieve their state of 'normal'.

It's also a backwards way of showing how much you mean to them

There are some great videos on YouTube that explain to kids about surgery without going in to gross detail.

Another way is to get them involved in journey by giving them tasks so they feel important. They can tick them off as you go even down to hospital bag items.

Whatever you do Guilt is not in your journey. You're reacting as a mum but you are always you first.