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I don't think I'm emotionally ready
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09-29-2010, 09:38 AM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 17
Hysterectomy: June 7th, 2011
Surgery Type: TAH/SAH
Ovaries: Undecided
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I don't think I'm emotionally ready
Hi everyone, and this is my first post.
I was diagnosed with adenomyosis almost 3 yrs ago and offered a hysterectomy which, on the spur of the moment I refused! even though the pain some days was unbearable.
Over the past year, it's become unbearable EVERY day and I was at my wits end so have finally decided that physically, I have to get it done- emotionally however, I'm not sure....I have huge confidence issues anyway and am just so scared that I will feel less of a woman when the surgery is over.
My gynae tells me that it is the right thing to do and I am due back to visit tomorrow for the results of the biopsy I had 2 weeks ago and, depending on those results, make a decision on what and when. (I do know already that it has to be abdominal because of the size of my uterus and previous gynae surgeries)
I will of course try and discuss my worries with him but having read some of your posts, I feel sure that somebody out there may understand and have been through similar emotions.
I'm driving my dh mad at the minute, complaining and worrying about how my body is changing because of the menopause (I've been early stages for a couple of years now)...you know, the sagging boobs, dry itchy skin...yadda yadda and some days even though it causes me so much pain I don' t want to lose what I feel is my last semblance of womanhood......hubby thinks I'm going insane but does try to understand but I'm having a hard time understanding myself recently - I didn't expect to have this reaction at all.
Sorry it's such a long ramble but I really needed to get it off my chest, thanks for taking the time to read it.
Barb
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09-29-2010, 10:12 AM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 245
Hysterectomy: July 13th, 2010
Surgery Type: TVH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Re: I don't think I'm emotionally ready
(((((Barb))))) I've been in your shoes...same diagnoses (though the problem wasn't identified properly until shortly before my hysterectomy. I was never worried about feeling less of a woman.... the anatomy is still the same (externally anyways), but it isn't the vagina or uterus that makes you who you are. You will wake up the same woman that you are right now....except you will be free from the horrid pain that shackles you right now.
If you have the ovaries removed... you may have to go through finding a proper hormone balance. Thats something you can discuss with your doctor before hand so that you guys have a battle plan worked out ahead of time.
This isn't an easy decision ....even when you know its the right one. Our minds can lead us down some dark roads with "what ifs" ... and suddenly you'll find that you second guess everything, even the things that you were at peace with just a few minutes ago.
I can promise that life afterwards is so much better!!
(This is a little different but it might help a little) Ask your husband how he would feel if he suddenly learned that he had to have a testicle or both removed. He would probably go through stages of fear, panic, stomach churning worries, hostility, anger, grief. He would fear the changes to his manhood....Would he still feel like a man, how would it affect his hormones, what would his future sex life hold.
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09-29-2010, 11:32 AM
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Posts: 36,890
Hysterectomy: November 14th, 2000
Surgery Type: LAVH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Re: I don't think I'm emotionally ready
I am glad you have found HysterSisters and I hope we are able to offer you the support and information you are looking for!
The decision to have a hysterectomy is a big one and it does involve our emotions! It is a major surgery that comes complete with a whole list of negative side effects so you want to be sure it is right for you before scheduling one! It is wise not to rush into the decision and to carefully weigh all of your pros and cons first. If you don't feel ready, wait. While you are waiting, keep a symptom diary to help you monitor how you feel and how your life is being affected by your condition.
Have you had a second opinion yet about what would be best for you? It is wise to have a second opinion before any major surgery. The second opinion could confirm you are on the right track or offer additional suggestions that might be better for you.
Those of us who have had a hysterectomy are not less of a woman, but there are women who feel that way. So you do want to work through these feelings before heading into OR. Our DNA dictates that we are women, not our reproductive organs!
While you are working through your decision, feel free to read through the threads on the site and look through our Articles and Resources. The more you know, the better able you can be to make your decision!
Take your time to decide and do what is right for you physically and emotionally!
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09-30-2010, 12:14 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 17
Hysterectomy: June 7th, 2011
Surgery Type: TAH/SAH
Ovaries: Undecided
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Re: I don't think I'm emotionally ready
Ladies, thank you so much for the encouragement and understanding!
An update as of this morning, the results of my tests are in.........the biopsy came back negative although my uterus has now thickened to 15cm.
My progesterone levels are very low - which isn't helping with the bleeding and he has offered medication to help with that in the interim....unfortunately he doesn't think that will help the pain much (if at all) and as my last ablation failed doesn't really think that another would be of much benefit.
I talked with my surgeon at length about all of my options and we did decide that a hyster is the best option in the long term for me.....he doesn't see any need to remove my left ovary - unless it's a different story when he gets in there (I had my right ovary and tube removed with a very large cyst many years ago)
He was very understanding of my mixed up feelings and answered my questions honestly - we discussed everything I had planned to and he has put me on the short list for surgery.
I am happy with that decision (for today, haha) but don't doubt that there will be many times when I will wobble a little bit
Snow: my surgeon actually re-iterated your thoughts that life will better afterwards and btw, I love the analogy for my dh....really made me smile!
Weiser: you are so right about our reproductive organs not making us women, thank you! I am trying to look at it that my 'organs' have done their job over the years, (for which I am truly grateful) but they are tired and worn out.
The Diary suggestion is a fantastic one which will be good for me to look over when I do have my wobbly moments.
Big hugs and thanks to you both
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09-30-2010, 01:48 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 245
Hysterectomy: July 13th, 2010
Surgery Type: TVH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Re: I don't think I'm emotionally ready
(((((Barb))))) I'm glad that you had the chance to sit and further discuss this with your surgeon. Keep a notebook close by... anytime you think of a question - jot it down. My doc was great at providing me plenty of time to ask all the questions I had...and maybe some of them seemed a bit silly, but each little question helped strengthen my feeling that I was doing the right thing.
You have alot of very understanding girls here who will help support you in anyway we can!
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09-30-2010, 06:37 PM
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Posts: 36,890
Hysterectomy: November 14th, 2000
Surgery Type: LAVH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Re: I don't think I'm emotionally ready
I am glad to hear your appointment went well for you!
This road is not always a smooth one, but then life in general isn't either! Just remember to take it one day at a time!
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