starting to feel a sense of loss

hi everyone, 1 day to go and it finally hit me this morning. i woke up balling and realized i have 1 more day left as a whole women.... i feel so sad , like someone in my family has died. i even reconsidered the surgery. Thinking to myself ," i can live with how messed up my insides are"."can't i."
even though i know its stupid to think like that and that i want to feel better i can't help but feel like i'm different from all of my friends, that if people knew i had a hysterectomy they would look at my different like i was broken or not normal or something.. i know its silly to think like that but i can't help it.. i respond to other posts telling these women, it will get better , telling them all the positives. i thought i really had my emotions all together. boy i was wrong , and now that the emotional side hit me.... i feel so depressed and sad.i guess as the day goes on i am just going to have to get over it.... maybe chocolate will help.. i don't know... sorry for rambling ... didn't know where else to go and to who else to share my feelings with, except here. thanks for anyone who listened and God Bless
Amy

Amy,

I am feeling the same way with only a few days to go. Last night was bad. But I just kept thinking...There are so many things that I don't do now because of the pain. I will be able to be a much more fun and active wife and mom once this is taken care of. I started feeling like I wasn't going to be a real woman and then I thought... Heck, I got all kind of sexy clothes I don't wear now because the pressure of anything tight hurts. It's very hard to feel feminine when you are in pain or are afraid of making a mess. I just have to keep thinking of being able to finally be who I really want to be after all of this is over.

I don't know if this helps but, I wanted you to know that you are not alone. I am having these feelings to.

Fallflower

Hi Amy, I totally can relate to you. I'll be scheduling my surgery today, and am starting to question my decision already. Mostly because I'm afraid that I won't be as attractive to men sexually, and because my friends and family will see me differently...and that I'll feel like a different person myself. I am feeling the exact same way as you. I think most women go through a process with this experience, and mourning the loss of these parts of our body is a normal thing to do, and it's probably healthy to go through this stage. I'm not sure of your medical history and what your reasons are for doing this, but be strong and remember that friends and family love the "soul" and "being" of someone - it's not about your body parts.

Good luck!

SLeigh123

Amy,

I also feel like you. My surgery is also tomorrow and I dont think I have done much but cry the last couple of days. I know we are normal and I know we are going to be okay!!! I wish you the best of luck tomorrow and I hope we can talk when we get home from the castle!!!!

Jen
28 Years old TVH due to bleeding and overactive cervix

Aw Amy, go ahead and ramble! That's what this site is all about. Nobody understands like somebody who is going through similar circumstances. There was a whole big thread here about 'mourning the loss of my uterus'--had me bawling, but its all normal feelings. Rest assured you are no less of a person or woman. In fact, the surgery will allow you to be who you really are, unburdened by all the 'female troubles'. I know, easy for me to say, I'm not there yet (still waiting for that doggone date ) and, although I feel in control (most of the time), I'm sure I'll lose it too. But thats when I'll come here, just like you did, and the ladies will comfort.
Here are 's and , and remember, many of us will be praying for you.

thank you ladies so much.. after my crying fit earlier i feel a little better... and talking about it helped. You all have been a huge help to me, Thank you and God Bless

Here's some extra S for later....just in case. Take care.

I COMPLETELY understand. I went thru it last week, but this week Ive been sick, so Ive had a distraction. Tomorrow may be different. Im scared to death of the "after". But my DH makes me feel better, he is looking at it like I should be, "Quality of Life" will DEFINITELY improve! And he reminds me of that when I get down.

Cyring as I read your post. So totally relate. My head knows it is just a body part, same as the cartilage in my knee I lost a few years back. But for some reason it IS different.

I figure I just need to go through the grieving and give in to it. No way to avoid all the phases of grief.

I think it is totally SAD that having a hysterectomy is somehow harder to admit than having gall bladder surgery! Why should that be? Says something about the special place a uterus holds in our culture I guess.

YES chocolate helps (temporarily).

Go ahead and be sad now, but peek forward to a superb life if you can.

-k.

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I wish there was something I could say that would change how you are feeling about this but I know that's impossible. I can tell you that for me, my uterus has been gone 2 weeks today and I don't miss it at all!! And mine never really caused me any problems. Just decided to grow a huge fibroid in the last few months. I don't feel like any less of a woman now that it's gone. I still look like a woman to everyone around me cause nobody could see my uterus anyway. If anything I feel lighter and better inside. I am still recovering but I think going into this I decided that what made me feminine was not linked to what body parts I had on the inside. It's what I look like on the outside. And I still look like a woman I hope you are feeling better soon and you can find peace with this. God bless!