TLH 9 Weeks and am depressed to death.

Anyone,please tell me am not alone! Please. I start my 9th week today and I am depressed like ****! (Forgive my language but that is exactly how I feel.) Hopelessness is overtaking me at a very very high speed.I am living just because I have to.I have no purpose,am angry at everything and all I want is to be left alone and they let me be.Anyone telling me am strong,I hate them because you know what,I am weak and I want to be let to be weak.sobbing is not helping this days. I feel like trush.Am broke like a church mouse and I can not seem to meet some of my daughters needs.and this makes me feel more useless and hopeless.Everyone but me thinks am all right and they imagine am well and okay.I hate that I cannot even afford to seek psychologists therapy because am broke yet i feel I need help.Anyone sending Jeremiah 29:11 and the Do not be afraid or Do not be anxious verses, I hate them because they think I have backslid instead of knowing that I havent forgotten these verses and am praying to God for peace every passing moment but nothing is happening because you know what, I have to face this animal for me to have peace.
Guess am still in denial of everything that has happened to me because It happened in a flush.Aggggggggrrrrh!!

First of all my love and prayers are sent your way. Secondly, I don't see enough information posted to reply approperately. Are you married? What do you do for work? What part of the U.S. Do do live in? How old are you? Did you have your ovaries removed? Are you on hormones? Do you have a support system?

Hi Carol, you sound like you are having a really hard time and i feel for you. This surgery plays total havoc with your body, maybe the emotional side is even harder to handle than the physical. All i can say is tiny steps, one hour at a time, try and do something, anything that takes you away from yourself and your surgery. I found just watching the birds was helpful. I know this will not provide a solution to your worries but know you are not alone. I hope that is some comfort. There are sisters all over the world reading your post, who will stop and give thought for you today.

Carol

I am so sorry to hear you are experiencing this level of depression and emotions after your surgery. This is not unusual, especially if the removal of your ovaries sent you into surgical menopause.

Does Nairobi offer any free clinic services ? I know in the states you can find some free services but not sure about what is available in Africa.

One thing you could do is journal. Write out these feelings and emotions and tear up or burn the pages. You don't want to leave them lying about you want them gone and that will help you release these feeling.

You are not worthless, you are not weak. You have been caught up in some post healing depression.

Thanks sisters,Vegan 13,am not married,am 27 years old,I kept my ovaries,I work for an INGO and am in Kenya.Am not with any support system but Hyste sisters.
Coumarine,thanks again.am trying to move my focus somewhere else.am really trying to take one minute at a time because slowly am realising one hour makes me go crazy.
Tauruslady,thanks again, journal is my thing I always journal but these days it doesnt work.what I have available in Nairobi are cancer survivors support groups and I haven't enrolled for the simple reason of denial and the fact that the Hysterectomy seems like the hardest thing to deal with(than cancer.)

Just want to say you are not alone. Keep your concerns coming... we sisters are here for each other. We care very much for you and I have you in my thoughts and prayers. I can under stand not wanting to go to that support group but you may find that some one there needs you too.As bleak as things seem.... I try to think of how it could be worse even if it seems like it could'nt. I can see/walk/feed myself etc. Keep praying because GOD listens. Hugs.

Ohh Carol...

I am SO sorry you are having such a hard time.. I know just what you are feeling.. You are NOT alone..I'm 39 and just had my Hyst. on May 7th and lost both ovaries and my emotions have been crazy.. When I read your post it could have been me you were talking about.. I understand sweetie I truley do.. Carol you are NOT worthless or weak, One thing I have learned is that these wonderful women here are ANGELS they have helped me so much with there wonderful advice and kind words, I found that just talking with them has given me some peace and the courage to write in my journal again as I had lost all intrest in everything that was me.. I find that taking it slow and trying to focus on small things has started to help.. These wonderful women are here for us.. If all you can do is just talk.. talk Carol, get it out.. don't hold it in.. I'm right here holding your hand sister, We WILL get through this.. Yes we have our weak moments but that's what our sisters here are for...
Sending you LOTS of healing hugs and love