scared-is what I am thinking/feeling normal?

Hi: I am going to the castle on Friday. I have been pretty well handling it up until now. I have made suggestions about starting a hope chest, reassured some sisters, made a great friend through this site and all the time I thought I was going to be great. But right now I feel lost and scared. The same questions that I thought of when I heard I had to go through this have come back. What if something goes wrong?, What if they find something?, Will I be able to hold or even see my little girl again? Smell her hair, here her say she loves me more then more then more? How will she understand why Mommy is away (she is almost 3)? I am crying so hard right now that I can hardly see to type this. My dh is very supportive. He has been by my side all through this. A few minutes ago he asked me to sit with him on the couch but he could not calm my fears. I told him that I need to go to this site. He completely understood and has helped to put our little girl to bed so I can write in private. I am not trying to bring anyone else down that will be going through this I just really needed to write my feelings down that I could not bear to sat aloud. Thank you to anyone who has been listening.

Peggy

you will be theer with her. You will be fine, you 'll be posting back about your recovery before you know it. You can be strong an have to be for your daughter .She needs you to be there and be well.so lady .... think positive and focus on getting well, planning for the future and all the grief that little darling will cause you when shes a teen! trust me on that one. I have a25 year old, 21 year old and a 16 year old.OMG it does get challenging.. What a roller coaster ride your in for. chin up and worry more about your daughters teen age years and less about this surgery .. that will keep you well to be with her.
OK I'm off my soapbox now.

Peggy,

You will be just fine and be writing back to us in no time and telling us what a pain in the back side the nurses were and how you had a whining roommate. This will be an experience, we all know, but we will look back on this and laugh at our nerves and fears, you will see. Just hold that little one but remember not to squeeze to hard. You'll be home in no time. God bless you and help you to get through this. What has been helping me is watching a comedy movie when I can and American Idol and cleaning, alot.

Lots of Love your way
lrp1012

Hi: Thank you guys for listening. I did feel a little better after I unloaded my feelings but having your replies helped alot more. Just after I submitted my thread my litte girl said she had to get up to go potty (trying to train her). My dh took her and she called out "Mommy I did it!" She was so proud that I came running. She looked at me and said " Is your nose all runny?". I had actaully forgot what I must have looked like from crying only a few minutes before. I just laughed and said I had the sniffles. She was so proud of what she had accomplished that it put some things in prespective. Be happy with the little steps because it will alway lead to bigger and better things. One day at a time. Now I will focus on all I am going to go through with her (oh man the teenage years to come- Mom is going get some payback from me driving her crazy all those years). I am going to order some comedy dvd's so I will have them when I come home. I just finished watching American Idol and cna not wait to see the wild card show. And of course the Survivor show- have to see that through. So thanks again ladies for letting me bend your ear. I AM BACK! Great to be smiling again- just needed a little boost.

Thanks
Peggy:-)

Peggy i understand completely how you are feeling, my surgery is next wednesday and im starting to get freaked out now too. This will be my 6th surgery and boy im not looking forward to it. I just wish i could press a button and it be all over with. Hang in there you will be just fine

Peggy,
You sound just like I did a little over a week ago. I too, had been dealing with everything in a very upbeat manner, until the night before. I waited until everyone was in bed...DH, parents, brother. Called my little girl, who is a college freshman in another state, and then the tears came. Slowly at first and then a flood. I was sobbing. I wondered if I had told everyone everything that needed to be said... just in case. I was an emotional wreck! Then I prayed and told God that I trusted His judgement and was completely ready to account for my life it that is what it came to. It was amazing the peace that He put over me. I was able to go to bed and awake ready to face what was ahead of me. Not to say that my fears were not there, just did not let them take over anymore. Needless to say, here I am posting to you. It is really true that the waiting is the roughest part.

I am doing great. I went in expecting a TAH and ended up with a SAH....God does answer prayers. Turns out that there was a great deal of scar tissue around EVERYTHING and she felt it safer to leave the cervix and not run the risk of further bleeding to take it out. I also had a mini tummy tuck and lipo......Best decision I ever made. I am in very little pain...most likely due to the fact that I am faithful with the pain meds.

Also, my DH rented a hospital bed....yet...placed it right in the middle of the family room. Can honestly say that this was a very smart move. Makes moving in and out of bed so very much easier. Had to rent by the month, so I have it until I am ready to get out of it. Also, not near as expensive as I thought. See about getting your DR to prescribe one and then insurance will cover it.

Make sure that you have a lot of support when you get home and that you get plenty of rest. The hardest thing will be to not grab your little girl and pick her up....just have her come and cuddle mommy...

Put your trust in God to see you through and that His will is done. Also, is doesn't hurt to say a prayer with the drs. just before surgery. I will be thinking of you and cannot wait you hear from you after your castle date. God bless you and your family.

Val

Hi Val: Thank you so much for your letter. I never mentioned it before in my original letter but I had actually sent emails out to my family- 2 brothers in Saint John (3 hours away), another brother who lives only 15 minutes away and also sent an email to two aunts (who live in Fredericton-2 hours away)who I had not been in contact with for awhile. I never spoke of what I would be going through (I do not believe my aunts know yet) to them but kept my letters upbeat and cheery and sent them a picture of my little girl. I just felt that I needed to make some kind of contact in case something went wrong. I had just emailed my last email when I was overcome with greif and that resulted in my thread to this site.

I am not a very religious person but went to church last Sunday and at the end of the service I did say a little prayer. I always had a fear that if I actually ever prayed for what I want to happen that for some reason things just may go the opposite. Kind of like putting the spotlight on a problem and it only gets worse when it is noticed. But I bit the bullet and prayed about my surgery. I did feel better at the time but the fear still came back tonight.

But like I had mentioned before I am feeling better since I vented my feelings. Again I thank you for your reply. And the great idea about a hospital bed rental.

Peg

I told my young one tonight about my surgery on 3/5. Kept it very simple but she still cried. Seeing her upset actually helped me to be stonger for her.

My emotions are on a roller coaster too. For the moment, I'm at peace and looking forward to feeling better and having an active lifestyle.

All the best to you! We're going to be OK.

ask your dr for something to help calm your nerves..most dr's will prescribe a low dose antianxiety med to take as needed until the surgery date........all of your fears are normal..its fear of the unknown....youre not scared to ride in or drive a car are you?..youre not scared of crossing the street are you?....of course not, because you have been doing these things since day one and youre comfortable with them...if you had to undergo a surgical procedure on a daily basis you wouldnt be worried this time, however thats not the case.......let your fears come to you, then let them go...we all go through this..its totally normal..and like i mentioned above, dont hesitate to call your dr and explain your fears..i'm sure he/she will understand and do what he/she can to help you...