sex life after TAH

My doctor cleared me for sex after 3 weeks. I was really shocked that he did that and was scared to death. He told me that I needed to be the one in control and nothing to "rough". My husband was in the room when he told me this - so he knew what was said.

Well, we did not have intercourse right away. We did have a little "foreplay" and that was all fine.

Last night I decided that I would let him enter me. I was scared to death, but I did it anyway to "get over it". He was upset that I didn't have an orgasm. I told him it was fine. Then I started crying! I have no idea why! He didn't understand all the emotional part (although neither did I). I told him that it was kinda like the "first time" for me again, as I was nervous, tentative etc. This made him very upset (HE was not my first). Anyway - the whole night was a mess - I bawled and squalled, couldn't go to sleep. He still seems upset today.

Just wondering if anyone else has had similar experiences with the emotions! That is one thing that I was most concerned about - this whole thing affecting my marriage through sex. Now I am worried about it even more! I can't cry everytime we have sex! But my emotions are running crazy. Help!

I can not believe you were cleared so early. Yes, the 1st 2nd and 3rd time are scary. Relax. If you did not bleed after the 1st time, it will just take some getting used to. Make sure he does not go to hard or he will hit the end of the cuff, and that kind of hurts not not bad. Relax. It gets better every time.

I am 3 weeks post op and had my check up today after a TAH and was not cleared for sex. I go back in 3 weeks for my pelvic exam and I imagine I will be cleared then. I just can't even think about it right not because I feel tender around my incision; however, I do have "those feelings" so I am getting excited about the prospect. I hope things goes well.

I'm sure that it will get better. Don't give up and don't be hard on yourself! You have went through major surgery and I think emotions are just part of it!

I just had my 6 week this past Wed, was cleared for everything.
I'm kinda on the opposite of this.
I had sex at the 5 week mark, I was so ready, no intimidation whatsoever. No bleeding, no issues. Then the second time, woohoo...again, no worries. Then, the third time, I bled. That scared me. Now I'm afraid to, even after I've been cleared.
I had an LSH, kept ovaries and cervix, so I had nothing done down below the belt. I'm not sure why I bled the 3rd time and not the other times. We took it easy, so I thought anyway.
Outside of sex, I do get emotional over silly/little things that normally wouldn't have an affect on me. I've also, just out of the blue, gotten really sad, for no apparent reason.
If my partner got upset everytime I didn't O..he'd spend a lot of time like that. It's not always about the O for women, and men seem to not understand that sometimes. It can be pleasureable without that.
Keeping the lines of communication open with him will help, find out why he's so upset and talk it out.

Littlebit1,
When the doctor clears you for sex it doesn't mean that you are emotionally ready. You can be physically ready but not mentally. Some women decide to wait well past the sex release date given by the doc.
If you are anxious, afraid, hormones out of whack etc. it can make you cry..not to mention relief that everything works or went well during sex can make you cry. This surgery is difficult physically, mentally and emotionally. Take your time...definately be open and communicate your needs to your DH. Good Luck.

Read this page about intimacy and the emotional parts... https://www.hystersisters.com/vb2/view_sdf.htm#emotional

Littlebit -

sometimes I still cry and I'm 13 months post-op. It is a very emotional, personal thing and especially the first few times it is really scary. Things can be different for awhile.

Take it slow, give yourself time.

Big

G.

(((littlebit1)))

Breathe slowly and deeply. I agree with several of the other ladies who posted here. Your emotional roller coaster ride isn't quite over yet. It can take a few months (or so) to be more "normal" emotionally.

I think that it's highly irregular for the doctor to have given you the okay to resume sexual activity being only 3 weeks post-op. My doctor was amazed by my recovery, and okayed me to do anything (but no sex or vaginal penetration allowed). The doctor advised me to take things slowly at 6 weeks or so.

You may want to sit down with hubby and talk about where you are emotionally. You need some time, without pressure, to become more comfortable. Sex isn't just physical, it is largely emotional. Especially for women! In my personal experience, I have to be really into the sexual activity to reach orgasm. The more distracted I am, the farther away an orgasm is. It is best to wait until you are emotionally ready for sex.

I wish you and your hubby the best of luck ~ try not to worry, you just need some time!

Heather

Oh Darlin, give your hormones a chance to settle and please give your body and mind, spirit and soul some time to heal. I started bawling in the doctor's office when he used the word Hysterectomy. But I'm six months out, got married about six weeks ago (second time to a wonderful guy who is unbelievably understanding) and we are working through finding sex together.

Take care and don't beat yourself up. It's non-productive. Concentrate on healing. It will work out. And remember, we are all Systers making hysteries together.

I didn't get clearance until my 6 week and was scared as well. After the first time I laughed at first (because it didn't hurt anymore - I had endometriosis before and always had pain) and then I did cry a little. The second time, I was a little sore the day after, and now the third time - so far so good :0) My surgery was Nov 10th - had EVERYTHING removed.

Chin up

Thanks everyone. I appreciate all your comments. I also had EVERYTHING removed - so it is just kinda weird. My DH does not understand anything. I told him it is strange to think there is "nothing at the end of the tunnel" anymore - I get a deer in the headlights look!

I did not bleed the first time - and we did try again last night and I did not bleed. Again, no vaginal orgasm-and he was upset. I am a little sore today. Think I will take it easy. I know that this has been "rough" on him (we have a very active sex life) but it has been worse on me. I wish he would understand that. He seems to think that because I am up and around and back to work that I should be fine.

I just hope it gets better. Although I did not cry last night, it still was not the same.