Scared and freaked

Hi I'm new.

I got my first period at 10 and was a C cup by 11. I always had bad periods my parents alternated months taking off work to come get me from school. I have lived with pain and discomfort for a third of my life. I have been on mutliple BCs none really worked. At one point I had 19 day long periods. Not fun.

Anyway I got married 7 years ago and have been trying for a baby off and on for those 7 years no go. We did all the tests. My ovaries not only have choc. cysts that form every month and pop they are attached to the back of my uterus. Surgery to remove the scarring was unpredictable at best so instead they put me in chem. meno for 6 months. I just came out of that. The pain is unbearable on a daily basis. It's so hard. My OB says as soon as I don't want a baby I can have a hystie. No waiting. Since I'm only 30 having a doctor say that when they usually are more conservative was great. It's what I want eventually. But also scary because that means it's as bad as I think it is.

I choice not to have surgery to remove the scarring because it couldn't be done with a laparoscopy. I knew I'd need a hystie so why have open abdominal surgery that had a very small chance of succeeding when I'd be having the hystie later anyway.

Anyway I have 6 months to a year to get pregnant with artifical unfortunately my husband has fertility issues too. So the odds are bad. I want the hystie I just want a baby first. Is that wrong? I feel so selfish when I see how hard it is for my husband to deal with my health issues.

I'm so scared and confused right now. I don't know what to think or do.

Blondie30,

What you are feeling isn't wrong. It is very normal.

Having a hysterectomy is permanent. So you need to be 100% sure there are no doubts.

Have you considered seeing another doctor? Maybe there is a specialist that can help you with what you are going through.

Best of luck to you

What you are feeling is perfectly normal. I am so sorry that you have suffered with all of this pain for so many years. A hysterectomy is FINAL and there is no going back so I don't blame you for wanting a baby first. I had my hystie on the 21st. I already have two sons and have had two other out patient procedures to try to correct my problems. I don't regret that I waited to have this done. I wasn't ready before. You have to be 100% sure when you do this and no one else can make that decision for you. You will know when you are ready. There is nothing wrong with you for not being ready yet. Best of luck to you and I hope you succeed in getting pregnant soon. As for the husband side of it, my husband wanted me to have a hystie years ago to end all of my problems but I did not do it b/c I wasnt ready and thats what I explained to him and you should never do something this drastic if you arent ready so please dont feel guilty about your decision.

Hi Blonde30

I'm so sorry you are suffering and facing such a difficult decision. I'd tried other alternatives before deciding on hysterectomy - and I was certain my family was complete... yet I still mourned the loss of my uterus. My heart really goes out to any woman making this decision, but especially so for those like you, who have been trying to conceive.

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I choice not to have surgery to remove the scarring because it couldn't be done with a laparoscopy. I knew I'd need a hystie so why have open abdominal surgery that had a very small chance of succeeding when I'd be having the hystie later anyway.

I'm not sure I understand why you can't have a laparoscopy? IMHO, even a diagnostic laparoscopy seems like it would be a wise decision for you so that you know exactly what's going on in there before making such a difficult and heartwrenching decision.

I've done Lupron (perhaps the drug you were on?) and I've had endmetriomas (chocolate cysts) so I can relate to some of the problems you describe - and the pain that goes with them. I had a "frozen" pelvis, completely obliterated with dense fibrotic adhesions and stage IV endo, yet I (and many other women here with severe scarring) was still able to have my surgery laparoscopically. Minimially invasive surgery is my GYN's specialty - because he does work with so many fertility patients.

I would highly recommend you seek a second opinion from an endometriosis specialist. They deal with fertility issues all the time and are highly skilled in laparoscopic surgery. Perhaps an endo specialist would be able to do the scope for you, address the issues you describe and offer you some hope before jumping to hysterectomy.

Sending gentle your way.
Beth

Hi I don't think I explained my situation well. I have been tring to get pregnant for 7 years. I am on my 3rd doctor. I choice her for her experience with surgeries and fertility issues.
I had a laparoscopy and hysterconomy done by her about 2 or 3 years ago. My ovaries are firmly attached to the back of my uterus. She was able to remove some scar tissue but was not able to detach my ovaries. There is substansial risk to my uterus and ovaries if attempted. It would have to be open surgery to do it and it could cause damage to my uterus and or ovaries. She did a hysterpingogram and ovualtion tests. I ovulate correctly and my tubes are clear so it is possible for me to get preganant. Surgery to remove the scarring could make it impossible.
She put me on BC for a year to limit my ovulation to once every three months but it didn't work. I was still ovualting and having multiple popping choc. cysts. So then my options were trying surgery or Lupron. I went with Lupron. Now that I am ovulating correctly again we start art. insem. in Sept.
The other fertility problems we have are my husbands he is 40 and bicycles so he has a low count, bad formation, and low mobility. Nothing is helping fix that.
I am ready for the hystie. I just really want kids. Mine and my husband's kids. Dealing with the fact it might not happen is just hard.
I am bipolar and have ocd but I am stable with meds. My doctors work together to make sure that everything I take is safe while pregnant but also keeps me stable emotionally. They talk so much they have to be best friends by now.
Also I have opposite reactions to drugs. So I am on oxy for pain and it works great. I can work and have a life. I just don't get any sleep. It knocks other people out and me it just makes me feel like I have had two much caffiene. When I have bad days I get no sleep. That on top of stress at work have made me overly emotional.
The only thing about the hystie that bothers me is the kids part. But my health has to come first. It is my last option I have tried everything else that is an option for me. 7 years worth of meds, doctors, and lots of ultrasounds, cts, mris, and surgery. The ER and Walkin doctors know me very well too.
thanks for your support I just think I needed to hear I wasn't alone and that it was ok to want kids 1st.

Even though you have seen multiple doctors in the past a second opinion is still recommended before anyone has major surgery. For some it might open a window by having a fresh set of eyes on the case, for others it helps validate their decision, knowing another doc (or 2 or 3) feels it's the safest and best option available to them.

You aren't alone and your feelings are normal. Only you can know what feels right, and it is your quality of life that comes first.

Best wishes & s and special for your art. sem. in September.

Beth

Thanks my husband has friends who have similar problems to us and it worked for them. So I'm praying it works for us.

You and I must have been seperated at BIRTH. I know exactly what you are talking about. My cycle started at 11, C-cup by 13. Diagnosed with endo at 19. My first lap was to remove the endo and they found that both of my ovaries had ruptured from hemmoragic cysts and that my left was securly attached to my pelvic wall. I have been through Lupron, 7 types of BC, HRT and bio-identical hormones. Since I have had 2 more laps, one for scar tissue and one to remove a softball sized cyst. Lost 3/4 of my right ovary to that one. My husband and I have been trying for kids for the last 4 1/2 years. Nothing. Fertility specialist says...I'm not ovulating at all, near medopause, and my husband has fertility issues (same as your husband). I've been struggling with a hyst option for 8 years now. AND...all I want is a child of my own, from my own body. It's a hard thing to face. I know I'll make a great mom, there are lots of children that need good homes, but it just doesn't feel the same. I've used "it's not fair" a lot in my life. Thank goodness that my husband is extremely supportive and my family is as well. You sound like you have a strong support system. lean on them, it helps. On to you...
There is no reason that you cannot have a lap to release your ovaries. Mine was released and the tubes stayed open and clear. I have no egg reserve from the ruptures otherwise, I would have no problems getting pregnant. One thing you need to do! Tell the doctor what you want. I heard, "you're too young to think about that" and every other age thing they could throw at me. Don't let them make you feel like you don't understand your body. It took 5 doctors to finally understand me. Sometimes that reality is tough, especially when you are in pain. I know...I'm right there with you! The kid factor is the only thing stopping me, even though I have a 1 in 100,000 chance even with fertility treatments. But...sometimes we have to look at what's best for ourselves. I'm not a doctor and neither is anyone else on this sight. I don't know you personally, but when I see what you write...it's like looking in a mirror. Talk to your husband and decide what is best for "you". I'm slowly letting go of bio children. It's hard, but I want to have a regular life, sex life and not be in the hospital every 6 months either. Good luck with your decision! You are NOT alone!

Thanks I just want it all over so bad. I don't want to have to go to another doctor. I know I should. But I like and trust the one I have. I will be having my 1st art. sem. next week sometime between the 5-9th so keep your fingers crossed.

I feel for you. I to waited to have the BIG ONE( complete Hyster). Hormones for life. Also I too have no children. Mine was just 4 days past my 30th bday.
I mourn the fact that I had no children even 2 years later. But at the same time Iam glad to be rid of all of the female troubles. Also I was a early bloomer and wonder if that was a factor. I guess the thing to do is go ahead with doing everything possible do try for a child. But if that is not in the cards your not less than. If you have extended family members with children then enjoy them. I'll tell you every chance I get Iam spending time with my sister's child and if I see something cute I buy it for her. Kinda like having my own lil one to spoil. I also am married to an older man and he was just fine with me having it. For me he was getting to that age that he wasn't really having kids if that meant that I had to be poked and prodded to do so. Important thing to do is be honest with yourself. With or without your female reproductive system you are a whole women. I wish you luck with the fertility treatments. You just never know what may happen. But remember its okay to be childless. Sure you will be having ups and downs. Even when my hyster anniversary come each year I reflect on the fact there will never be bio kids. But at the same time I have my health. Whatever you decide be sure that the outcome is exactly what you can live with.