Mixed emotions and venting (super long)

I've known about my LAVH on Wednesday for over a month now...worried and fretted for the first week or so then I got busy with planning for our family reunion at my house. Well, wouldn't you guess that as the last person walked out of my house yesterday that my surgery became all that I can think about. I did really good about keeping it in the back of my mind, now I'm getting butterflies at the thought, and the reality of it all is setting in.

My Dr and my aunt who is a nurse said that I should bounce back quickly because I am young, active and in pretty good health. But I'm fearing that I'm really going to be pushing myself through recovery. My boys will start school 5 & 6 days after my surgery and I will need to be recovered enough to get them ready and drive them to school, pick them up by myself. Dr says no problem (after my last 2 lap. procedures I was up the next day). I know that I should try to ask for help, but I don't like doing it. I don't feel that I give enough back to others to warrant inconveniencing them for me.

Also, my boys will be returning home the Saturday after my surgery (3 days). Even though DH may be here Sat and then Sunday til he goes to work I'm afraid that just my presence here will mean to him that I'm responsible for the children. I have a tendency to do more than I should and He has a tendency to sit back and watch me overdo it. It doesn't matter how many hints I drop, he never catches on. When I flat out ask him to do something he acts inconvenienced and sometimes gets mad during the task...so my catch 22 is do I ask him and suffer through his tantrum or do I try to do things myself.

Don't get me wrong, I'm venting and complaining, but for the most part he's great...just a little obtuse at times and he has tantrums even when he's doing his own projects.

I know that this is getting really long, and I'm so sorry for it, I just started rambling off everything that's been going through my mind.

We also had a 16 month old at the reunion, my DH held him and seeing him with a young toddler again made me wonder if he wanted more...he says he's okay with no more, but I can't really tell...what if he just doesn't want anymore with me and secretly thinking that he can always change up and have more because he never had that vasectomy that we discussed. (I can't see that that happening, but today I'm super insecure)

Thanks for listening and hugs would be great...I really could use one right now.

Lis

I haven't had my surgery yet, but it sounds like your starting to get really nervous.Talk to your friends and tell them if they could help you out the first week of school, you could drive the second. Then copy some reading material from this site for your husband, and then have your Dr. talk to him about how your going to need a lot of extra help the next few weeks. Good luck in figuring it all out . I hope everything will come together for you before you go to the castle. Let the sisters know how it went.

This is all very normal. I was BEYOND freaked out before my TAH w/BSO 3 weeks ago. This site helped so much but I did spend the remainder of my time just worrying. I know it is really hard to accept help. I'm just like you... I don't take advantage of opportunities unless I'm willing to help out... soccer-I'm team mom, VBS-I volunteer, school-I'm on PTA and room mom etc..... Is there a friend that will kind of act like a liason and get the word out about what is happening to you? I shared my email list with her and she sent out an email and set up a meal calendar at carecalendar.org. I asked her to add something like "This list was shared with me. Some of you are close enough to actually come help out or make a dinner. Others of you are far away and can't help. Still others of you are friends that would just like to know what's up in the patient's life." That way it wasn't like ME asking for help. That really helped put my mind at ease. I think you already know how you contribute to not as much of your hubbie's help.... you over-do and jump in to avoid him getting huffy. What would happen if you could ingore the huffy? If it didn't get a reaction from you then he may stop doing it. I think it's key to stay in jammies in bed and just be unavailable to help. I'm getting nervous about getting up early and getting my kids ready for school and packing lunches etc... even now. I just keep telling myself that after they're out and off I can sit down, regroup and rest a bit. I think it is good that your kids will go to school so soon after your surgery. My kids are beyond bored with a inactive mom that can't drive. You are going to do GREAT. Hang in there. We all say it... the WAITING is BY FAR the HARDEST part!

call y0ur doc...ask for something for nerves...my doc was more than happy to send me something..in fact he asked me if i wanted something. i think your husband and mine may be cut from the same cloth...the day i came home from the hospital, i asked him to bake me a potato and he told me he could not wait on me hand and foot cause he was sooo tired....duhhhhhhhh

One of the best pieces of advice I can give you is to try to stop worrying about the future and what might be. When all else fails, put yourself into God's hands.

I wouldn't count on being able to drive the boys to school for about 2 weeks. I'd suggest having them ride with someone else for at least the first 2 weeks after your surgery. Just be honest with people. Most of them will understand. You're going to need help. Don't try to be Superwoman. You have only one opportunity to recouperate properly. Don't rush yourself.

Some will tell you, "Oh, it's lap surgery. It won't be that bad." While it is less invasive, it is MAJOR surgery.

Those that are truly friends and want to help will not mind being "inconvienced" for a few weeks. They will understand. You will be able to make it up to them in a few months.

Good luck to you!

Carol

Hi again everyone...it's only been a few hours since I posted this thread this a.m. Not much has changed. While I am super appreciative of all of the advice I'm still fretting. I'll keep trying to work through it all. I think what would help most right now is for DH to come up to me, wrap his arms around me and tell me that he is here for me, loves me, and will do everything he can to help me through this.
Thanks all...
Lis

Lis, I was pretty much in a panic a week before my surgery too. Everyone was telling me how happy I'd be afterward, and that I was blowing things way out of proportion. Not what I needed to hear! The reality is that it hasn't been nearly as bad as what I had imagined, but it was my perogative to be scared.

If I were in your position, I'd tell your doctor about DH's lack of compassion and what you anticipate might happen at home. Make sure that your doctor is the one to stress to DH how important it is that you NOT do certain things. Then I'd try to line up some girlfriends or relatives to pop in every now and then for the next few weeks. You won't need help full time but I'm sure you'll willingly accept the moral support.

Just tell your DH what you need. sometimes they just don't know that a hug can cure a multitude of ails. i was lucky, my surgery was done the day after i was told i needed surgery so i really didn't have time to get nerveous and the doc gave me nerve pills to take.

Looking back on most things i have endured, several of them were surgeries, the waiting was worse than the actual procedure. this is not an easy surgery so take really good care of yourself. For what it's worth, i'm four months out and just now feeling really good...still have some bad days but i am so glad i did it.