Getting SCARED

I am due to have my full hysterectomy (ovaries, tubes, uterus) done on July 10th. Today is the 4th and I have discovered ever since the 1st of July, I have become tense. My chest gets tight, heart pounding. I feel as though I was just called into the principles office in school.

I have a fybrocyst growing in my uterus larger than a grapefruit, and something growing on an ovary. Doctor is not concerned about cancer at this time. She said that would only be a 1 % thought at this time. That is good I am not worried about that part.

I do have lots of complications to watch out for. The doctor said she is not worried, because I have told her in advance and she and the sleep doctor (anthiesia) will know what to do and watch for problems. But I can't seem to let go of this fear, I give it to God, but still comes back harder than before.

I have had blood clots (in my lungs) in the past shortly after a broken ankle surgery with pins and screws. I have stopped breathing on the table before (1 time). My blood pressure drops bottom (like in the 30's) in the first 24 hours after surgery. I am a diabetic (do not heal well from surgery). I am food controled, no meds at this time for the diabities.

I am very scared about the first couple of days. I have arranged for 3 friends to work together and keep someone in the room with me the whole time, not to leave me. They will rotate being there. I have bought some snacking foods to keep them going. I am really scared the first 24 hours with my blood pressure. One time 13 hours after surger, I dropped. I could not even get the nurse called, my friend in the room got help.

I am single with only my 15 year old boy at home. He has just had an emg. surgery June 19th for his appendix. He is so tired and struggling to get his strength back. He feels great then does stuff and finds himself just whiped out. The doctor says by the time I have mine, he will be able to assist me more. I am not waiting on him, he just can't lift or mow, etc. I have notified my church, Sunday School Class and FRIENDS of this upcoming surgery. I have several lined up to assist me.

Due to blood clots I can not be on estrogen. I am hearing stories about the terrible hot flashes, burning up, and moodiness. These have me concerned. I know the doctor says she can give me other items that will work in the place of estrogen. She does sound asure of herself.

I am just finding myself feeling panic inside, and don't know who to talk to. Can't tell my family (kids) I am so scared. Kids are only 15 and 19. I have come so close to dieing 3 times with surgery and I guess that is my fear.

I have decided to help ease thise, I guess I will sit down and write a good bye letter to my kids and other love ones. In some kind of way this will give me some pease (I think it will), that I have said my good byes.

I have tried hot bath, playing my favroite CD, closing eyes and deep breathing NOTHING HAS HELPED!

Doctors advice about being scared when I saw her on the 2nd was to just relax and deep breath. Change my focus. Well that just seems to easy to say than it is to do.

If you have any suggestions, words of wisdom for before or after I would love to hear them. I am so scared, yet I know I have to have this done.

Santa,

I am so sorry that you have all of this to deal with. I was also very scared before my surgery and talked to my doctor. He wanted me to keep a positive outlook. Way easier said that done and I didn't have the complications you have. I just wanted to tell you that I will say a er for you and hope that all goes well. I think it's great idea to have someone with you at ALL times. I hope that you find peace and that as the surgery draws near that you are feeling better about it. Here is a for you!

BES

Bless your heart, that is a lot to deal with. But you do have to try to keep your focus on the brighter side. Everyone has fears before something like this, it's normal. Of course, you have had terrible experiences in the past, and that is definatly not helping. But do try to relax, being tense isn't going to help anything. Try to do some fun things before your surgery, it will help to keep your mind off of everything.

I will say that I too wrote a "fairwell" letter to my husband and mother, it helped me to feel prepared. (Thank god, I didn't need it.) And THEN tell yourself you will be fine! Make it a little chant if you have to. But make sure you get that idea into your head. Fear is like a living thing, don't feed it. Know what you are up against, be prepared, but NEVER let the idea get into your head that this thing is going to beat you. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Feel free to email me or PM if you need to talk!

Hi Santa

It seems to me with your history that your doctors are going to be extra vigilant to make sure you come through this just fine. You'll be watched over like a hawk I bet. Just make sure your anaesthetist is well aware of your history when you go for your preop. The same goes when you go into hospital with the nursing staff. Make sure everyone is aware of it.

With your friends being on watch as well I can't see you coming to much harm.

The 'what ifs' are awful and seem to rule our lives leading up to surgery. By all means write a letter to your family. No harm in that at all. After that though you need to find some way to keep the fears under control. Do whatever it takes to take your mind off the surgery as much as you can. The waiting for surgery is really the worst part as your mind goes into freefall.

All the very best.

I feel for you!! I too had fears, even wrote the just in case letters to my family members. No matter what I did to try to relax nothing seemed to help for very long except drinking decaffeinated herbal teas such as Sleepy Time and Chamomile. Baths didn't do a thing for me because as soon as I got out I was all tense again, but the teas allowed me to relax enough to get to sleep at night.

I will pray for you and your family that God will help you and them through this hard time. My mother had numerous problems while being under for surgeries too. But like another person said on here, when they (doctors and nurses) know ahead of time what can happen then they will watch you even closer to make sure nothing goes wrong.

I will also pray that you find something that is able to help calm your nerves so that this waiting period won't be so hard on you.

Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you because my heart aches for what you are going through. I have been in your shoes myself as well as watched my mom go through it and I know it isn't easy for you or your family to see you going through this. God bless you dear!

Jennifer