How do you deal with hovering well meaners?

It seems I have a uniqueness about me(?). I like to be left alone when I'm stressed. I feel like I have to entertain and put on a smiley face when people are hanging about wringing their hands. I know it's meant well, but it simply adds to my stress.

DH knows some high and mighty at the hospital where I'll be going. When we went for the meeting with my surgeon, one of the high and mighty representatives came to meet me. She actually came in on her day off! Now doesn't that add to my guilt!Well, she is a truly lovely woman, and has experience, she too is a hyster sister, but while she was doing her best to be comforting, I wanted to check in at the appointment desk, and she just kept on chatting, and all I could think of is here I am on time for the appointment, and she's keeping me from checking in and the doc will think I'm late and I am stressing. DH went and sat way on the other side of the waiting room to give us privacy he said, so I couldn't even give him a high sign that I need to check in. I kept looking over at him, at the appointments clerk, I was sitting on the edge of the chair ready to get up, she still kept chatting! Finally the appointments clerk yelled: anyone else need to check in?! and she got the message.

Now this same person sent me an e-mail she will check on my schedule and come and sit with me before my surgery. Hells bells I don't want her! I don't even want DH to sit with me. I want to concentrate on not flipping out and calming myself. Call it meditating or whatever. How on earth can I get this across to this well-meaning woman, and not be labeled as an ungrateful b****?:hair:

Well, what I would do is to just tell them both outright that you would perfer to be alone while you're waiting. We all have our own perfrerences and most people try to honor them - but they do need to be aware of what they are. If she still doesn't get it, let your dr know and maybe he/she can put it in his orders. As you said, you sure don't need any extra stress right now

As for after your surgery, I found that falling asleep usually sent overstaying visitors on their way. And believe me, falling asleep while on pain meds was easy

It would be helpful if you would add your surgery date to your profile and that would add you to the best wishes for that day.

s

I had the same anxiety because I like to be alone too when I'm not feeling well. This is truly a time for you to be assertive!!! Role-play ahead of time things like, "Thank you so much for you generous offer, but I know myself well, and this is a time that I really need for myself. I'd love to have you come and check on me in about 3 weeks when we can sip tea and you can remind me not to do too much...or pull weeds...or vacuum, etc." Be genuine. Offer to call her just as soon as you feel up to it to give her an update and remind her that you'll be resting a lot, so you will call her. Another idea is to have her take you grocery shopping at 3 weeks and have her push, load, and unload the cart. I did that one, but wasn't assertive enough to have my friend walk at my pace. She walked slow, but not slow enough!

I live way out in the country, so when people make the trek out to see me, they think they need to stay long enough to justify their visit. Knowing this ahead of time, I staved off one very sweet friend with 3 active children to come 4 weeks later when I would love their company and the children could enjoy the farm in warmer weather. I wish I had realized the full impact of this issue even more, because my parents came from out of state the day after surgery. I needed to lie down, but felt compelled to sit and be sociable. They didn't mean to be so funny and entertaining, but they kept me laughing, OUCH! How I wish I would have had them wait at least a week.

I'm sure you'll be very gracious, but be gracious to yourself too!

Good idea, Jeanus, I never thought of asking doc to keep visitors away. It would save having to throw a bed pan at someone.

I will take your very tactful suggestion, Elayne, and e-mail her exactly what you said. Good idea.

Thanks ladies.

to all.

Great advice, I was trying to figure a way to only have my DH visit and not my MIL, love her bunches but really don't want her around while I'm rambling on meds, might get me in trouble heehee.

I do better alone sometimes - but from 'experience' - it is NOT a bad thng for staff to know you have 'juice'.... I was at a Catholic Hospital and had an ArchBishop come to visit (a relative) and flowers arrive from a Senator (a 2nd Cousin)... believe me, my needs were 'met' by the staff.

On the flip side, my friend's daughter was having surgery and my DH called to check on her - she was told that _____ had called and it freaked a Lt Commander out that _____ was a personal friend of the family. It also didn't hurt when the base commander dropped-in to say 'hello' (DH asked him to)....