Is anyone out there? I really need some support

Hi,

I know my emotions are getting the better of me. I am at this point a basket case. My stomach is doing flip flops, I have the runs from the antibiotic that my doc prescribed as a prophylaxis prior to surgery. My surgery is next Tuesday and I go for my pre-ops today.

I am so scared. I think it stems back to when I was sooooo traumatized as a child with surgery and hospitals. I have no family to talk to. No close friends either, just a few aquaintances. I don't work so I am rattling around my house right now, shaking. I just need some support right now and my husband has just shut down. He is avoiding me and the situation. I need some hugs and positive thoughts and he will not or can not give it to me. Please help!

Linda

Hey Linda,
The weeks before surgery are definitely the worst. I have cried tons of tears (haven't you read about the flood in the Netherlands in June? That was me ).
I was really really scared, esp. for the epidural I would get (for painkilling) - but when I look back I didn't need to be soooo scared at all.

My father was a GP, one of the old kind, stern, and absolutely no whining allowed. In his profession he was a god and not a mortal (I loved him very much, but he wasn't easy as a dr.). I suppose that this had traumatized me too.

Believe me, I haven't met any dr or nurse who wasn't understanding. Whether it was my my phobia of needles, my crying, or anything at all: they were nice and cared very good for me.

And that is just what you need when you undergo a surgery like this.

About your husband: can it be that he is scared too? Or that he doesn't know how to handle your emotions?
Would it help if you explained to him that these feelings you have are totally normal (all hystersisters have gone thru these in one kind or another) and that you don't need him to 'fix this problem' but that you could use a very good hug?

And that is what I'm sending you too: big big hug and lots of positivity.

Linda:
I, too, am planning for my "Big Day" on 10/27. I am very nervous - about the pain, the general anesthesia, the after effects, etc. However, in my mind, I am relieved, as I know I won't have any more pain and hemorrhaging (I hope, anyway!). My husband is also very nervous and doesn't want to talk about it much. He is just scared about it all, too. He knows that this is all for the better, but is scared that the doc is going to find some devastating diagnosis that won't be able to be cured. I talk to him a lot about it, when we are alone. I want and need him to get used to the idea that it IS going to happen. I gave him literature I received from my physician on LAVH. He read it so he has a better understanding of what will occur during surgery. I regret not taking him with me to my last doctor appointment, where we talked about the specifics of what will happen on surgery day. I think that would have been good for him to hear. Anyway, you hang in there. My physician told me to "go out and celebrate the impending surgery, because my husband is going to get his 'old wife' back". Maybe that is what you and your husband need to do!!

Thank you!

Oh sweetie. The waiting is the hardest part! I was a WRECK the week leading up to me surgery! I cried all the time, was convinced the doc would find cancer, and just about canceled 3 days before surgery. It would be very good to sit your husband down and talk. Chances are he is feeling scared and doesn't know how to handle it and may not want to burden you with his feelings.

Come here anytime for support! We've all been where you are!

Ladyscoutmaster

You are not alone anymore. The HysterSisters on this site are here to support you and to care about you. I don't really have any family that can or will be able to support me and as I am disabled , I am quite isolated and my friends are mostly just acquaintances.

If you ever feel lonely or frightened , please post on the board . People here do care so very much and you will start meeting some wonderful women who will pull you in and soon you will feel like part of the HysterSister family !

Take care and don't hesitate to keep posting !

Holly

As long as you have this site to go to, you are not alone. As for the fear you are experiencing now, I can relate. It's so scary. I think we fear the pain the most (or at least I did) and the possible findings. In my case, there was uterine cancer but I awakened to hear that all the cancer was contained in the uterus, it was all gone and things went beautifully!

99.9% of the nurses I had were wonderful and comforting. If you don't have a lot of support in the hospital (family, friends) ask for a clergy person to come see you.

As for the pain, it's not nearly as bad as your worst fears would have you believe. Be sure to get up and out of bed and start walking as soon as you can. You will feel weak at first but walking makes you stronger much faster.

Take care and be sure to rely upon this site. It has been a lifesaver for many of us. Best wishes!

I am not afraid of the pain. I am deathly afraid of medication. I know that this is not cancer. My uterus and bladder are falling out thanks to my son getting "stuck" for three hours and my asthmatic bronchitis every year with it's cough.

As far as I can tell, I have no feeling in my abdominal cavitiy any longer because of the massive surgery that I had in the past. It is my allergic response to medication. They don't seem to understand that fear. And it is a REAL FEAR. For years I had nightmares about the time I spent in the hospital when I was 12. I lived there for 5 weeks! It was HELL! I was a LAB SPECIMEN for lecture halls for interns. I was poked and proded and I think I was violated as well. (This I am not sure of because some things I blocked out entirely and try as hard as I can, I just cannot or will not remember) I was not a human being but a thing that was going to die. (But I did not die - much to their surprise.) I've lived on borrowed time for 42 years. I think that my time is going to be up with this surgery. That's what has me soooo scared.

Sorry to sound so morbid, but this is the feeling that I am getting.

Hi Linda,
sounds like you have a real trauma here. What has been done to you when you were 12 wasn't what a 12 year old girl can handle. I am sorry for you that you still haven't overcome that awful experience!

My experience with hospitals these days is that they are much better in the empathy department then when you (and I) were in our teens.

And remember this too: you remember the experience from the perspective of the 12 year old girl you were then. Probably when you would be in that same situation now, knowing what you know now, you wouldn't let that happen anymore! What I'm trying to say is that maybe you can see that your fear of dying is an old one, and thén you didn't know how to cope - but that doesn't mean you don't know now how to cope now that you are older and wiser.
The thing with old trauma's like these is that you can forget that it works like that and that - suddenly, without warning - you are that 12 year old girl because you have to go to the hospital again. Can it help you to see that this is a different situation?

Wish you all the best.

Hi Linda,

I'm sorry you are feeling so scared and lonely right now. Have you talked to your doctor about what you are feeling? Make sure he/she understands your anxiety and keeps the lines of communication wide open for you.

Also I think the hospital might have a social worker or at least an aide or maybe a volunteer who will be available to talk to you when you are there.

If you are afraid of medication, ask them each time they bring it, exactly what it is, what it is for and if it is necessary.

Hospitalizations when I was a child kind of have me freaked out a little bit too. I had some traumatic stays too, and honestly, I have blocked them from my memory as best as I can. They are still "there" beneath the surface somewhere, but I try to remember the single "fun" time I had when I was 4 years old, getting my tonsils out, I was in the hospital for a week. I terrorized the nurses, climbing out of my bed, playing with the curtains, sharing my orange sherbet with the other kids in my room at all hours of the night. Once they called my dad to come at 4 a.m. and he caught me climbing the bed rail when he came in. lol. oops, huh?

Big *hugs* for you! Keep posting when you feel the need to. You have lots of friends here!