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Having a meltdown here, just need to vent!
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06-13-2010, 06:58 AM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 592
Hysterectomy: June 28th, 2010
Surgery Type: TAH/SAH
Ovaries: Undecided
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Having a meltdown here, just need to vent!
I think I have way to much on my plate right now and I am ready to loose my mind!
I have been frantically cleaning my house trying to get ready for my surgery and am really having a hard time getting my teenage kids motivated to help me without me loosing it.
I had wanted to get my garden in and the first weeding done but due to the weather and some equipment breakdowns, my garden is not even planted yet! We rely on it to save money on food, so it is important. Recession hit us hard and things are just starting to pick up again for
our business so that is a stresser to. My mom is going to be in Toronto at my niece's shower when I have my surgery, which until today I didnt think really bothered me, but it is starting to.
My sister inlaw is having the same surgery, but 6 days before me and she is getting all the attention right
now as hers is for cancer, which is understandable. She won't talk about it at all, so I can't even chat with her
about our fears etc. She has her head in the sand hoping it all goes away, couldnt even get her to this website, just
got in trouble with everyone for suggesting it and upsetting her. So, I don't even ask how she is or anything, don't want to upset her!
Last fall I applied for my first job in 20 years as a TA at our high school. I got the part time and this idiot who has been
fired from every job he has ever had got the full time!! Talk about degrading!! Well, my job has been cut and they want us to reapply for his job. I am so scared that he will get it and again I will feel the pain. My teacher friends are trying to reassure me that it is just a formality and I have the job, but it is hard to forget the pain I felt. I interview and find out a few days before my surgery who
gets the job.
Tomorrow I go for biopsy results on some nodules on my thyroid. I am scared as hell. My dh is gone to work for the week and his only comment to me when I told him I had the call to come in, was "oh, well you knew you might need surgery for that to". So supportive!!!!
He has never had a scare or tests or call backs so has no clue what I have been through this year. I have had 9 trips to the city for different appts since January and he has not been able to come with me for one of them. I have a breast lump we are watching and that stresses me out,
especially when lumps start appearing else where. I connect the dots and think they are all related. Then I read on here where cancers are missed and now I am freaking out. I also have some growths in my colon they found and I have an appt with a specialist in July for that.
I'm not sure I can take any more right now! The surgery I didn't think was bothering me, but maybe it is because of it that I am having this meltdown!
I just want to sit and cry but I know that no one in my house will get it!! Dh will just say, what is wrong, and I will probably yell and say what the **** do you think is wrong??? How do we make them understand how we are feeling and that we just need a hug and some support?
I have not had a good night sleep in a year, am on sleeping pills, but they don't seem to help. I think tomorrow I am going to ask the doctor for some happy pills before I completely loose my mind!!
Sorry for the long rant, but man, does that feel better to say that all out load!!
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06-13-2010, 07:09 AM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 130
Hysterectomy: June 24th, 2010
Ovaries: Undecided
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Re: Having a meltdown here, just need to vent!
Girl, I got my happy and calm pills yesterday! LOL I had a nervous breakdown out of the blue yesterday as well. Please know that you are not alone, though it may feel that way. Tell the teens if they want to eat they need to get their bums outside and get busy! My 14 yr doesn't like to help out but he does it period - he has no choice (I have him failing algebra and having to take summer school to hold over his head! LOL)
I tried to hide my crying spells yesterday but to no avail. My hubby asked me what was wrong and I was afraid to tell him cause I knew what his response would be - "honey we knew we couldn't have anymore kids and we had decided not too long ago..." I took a deep breath and explained further that I knew that and that this was different. It was the finality that was getting to me. Just bought my last pack of pads, have started my last period and, what hurts the most, is I don't have a daughter... he hugged me and asked me what I wanted to do and I said I need to go see the doc for some anxiety and depression meds... so that's what I did while he watched the kids for me. Hopefully your's will come around too... *HUGS!!!!*
And P.S.... I can't believe your mom is going to a shower instead of being with you during this difficult and major surgery!!! What's up with that mess???
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06-13-2010, 07:16 AM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 426
Hysterectomy: June 29th, 2010
Surgery Type: TAH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Re: Having a meltdown here, just need to vent!
I so hear you. Life seems so easy for men. Good luck and dont stress the stuff out of your control.
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06-13-2010, 07:20 AM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 592
Hysterectomy: June 28th, 2010
Surgery Type: TAH/SAH
Ovaries: Undecided
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Re: Having a meltdown here, just need to vent!
Lol Hatter, glad to see I am in good company!! In defence of my mom, I should explain that the shower is in Ontario and I live in Alberta. Mom had the tickets for the flight purchased before I knew about my surgery and she is probably more upset about not being here then I am! I am trying to put on a brave face for her and telling her I will be fine, but I really want my mommy!!!
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06-13-2010, 07:36 AM
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Posts: 12,392
Hysterectomy: October 15th, 2009
Surgery Type: TVH
Ovaries: Removed both
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Re: Having a meltdown here, just need to vent!
I hear you on the just too much. I just had 2 surgeries for cancer and now I'm "called back" on my mammogram not looking right. It wears on you. The weather, the job, DH, the kids, your mom---i know it just all adds up to too much to deal with right now. Get whatever helps, line up whoever you can. Any port in a storm! This surgery is more stressful than we get credit for. At least we're here for you. I hope it all works out and comes together----garden gets planted, you get the job, surgery goes well, you have a speedy recovery.
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06-13-2010, 07:38 AM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 130
Hysterectomy: June 24th, 2010
Ovaries: Undecided
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Re: Having a meltdown here, just need to vent!
My mom will be out of town due to estate affairs surrounding the recent death of her father in law (my step grandad). She's pretty upset too. But my mom in law is going to take the kids the day of and the day after my surgery (and hubby has those two days off to focus on me), then it is the weekend so hubby will have kid duty. If my mom isn't back in town yet then my mom in law will help for another day or so until my mom is back. After that she plans on coming to my house everyday for two weeks! I'm still pretty meltdownish and having random crying spells. I know it takes time for those meds to kick in so I'm glad I got them yesterday instead of trying to wait it out... Good luck!!!!
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06-13-2010, 07:58 AM
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Posts: 11,663
Hysterectomy: November 24th, 2008
Surgery Type: DvH
Ovaries: Removed both
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Re: Having a meltdown here, just need to vent!
hysterinjune -
You know sometimes you just have to cry. Who cares if anyone gets it or not!
Find the spot that feels right to you and sit down and have a good cry. It can help readjust the emotions.
Another thing that I did and still do is journal. I would start writing down all the fears and worries and just let it flow. Usually I would burn the pages, sometimes I would let my DH read them so he could understand where I was mentality. Very frequently while writing I would cry.
G.
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06-13-2010, 09:33 AM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 879
Hysterectomy: May 25th, 2010
Surgery Type: TVH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Re: Having a meltdown here, just need to vent!
I’m glad you posted this because you said at the end that it made you feel better to do it. Go ahead and have a good cry, we all need that sometimes and for what we are going through with just the health issues, we deserve the time and space to do just that.
How long will your Mom be in Ontario. Will she be back to help you after surgery? ( Just had a thought here -- I know she feels bad and really wants to be there for you. Would it help either of you if she could drop by my house and be my mom for a bit while she is here? )
Regarding the garden: Tell the teens that if they don’t do it they not only don’t eat themselves but punish the rest of the family because there will be less food all around. Let them know that it is time to be big kids and take some responsibility. This will be their responsibility for the whole summer and the consequences of not taking it on wholeheartedly end up on the whole family. Let them know that you are trusting them to do this. Whatever it takes to get their butts out there.
Regarding the job. Just a thought that if it is your job that is being cut and they still wanted him for the full time, why are they having the competition. Maybe they realized from the beginning that they made the mistake and are doing this to correct it. Are your teacher friends reliable informants? They may just have it right, so go for the interview and be your positive best.
None of us need any further health problems on our plates, but they just keep mounting it seems. It is too bad that your sister in law will not talk to you or take your advice about this site. It does not matter the reasons for the surgery, both of you require it and I feel bad that you are not getting the support and attention that you need from the family as well. Hopefully right after her surgery they will focus some well deserved attention on you. I am glad that you found the site and know the support you have here.
I hope all the test results are good and you will be in my thoughts and prayers through all this. Feel free to keep posting your frustrations because we want to give you that support.
I can’t really comment on DH because I am finding through all of this that even after over 35 years, I still have a lot to learn about mine. They really are from Mars, aren’t they?
Suzanne
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06-13-2010, 09:37 AM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 502
Hysterectomy: August 2nd, 2010
Surgery Type: TAH/SAH
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Re: Having a meltdown here, just need to vent!
Take a deep breath and then try to take things 1 at a time. It sounds easy to say but I learnd it the hard way. Three years ago my FIL suddenly had either a heart attack or stroke and was brain dead, DH was facing spinal surgery, and my new job required a two day class for med certification all in 1 week. It was tough, family still don't "get it" aboout decisions and results. I keep telling DH "I can't control what other people think, that's their problem not mine." Sure I might not like their opinions, but I cannot afford to take it on as a responsibility to convince them why I believe they are wrong. Unless they have faced it alot of people just don't "get it."
The day I had 3 Dr. appts. I was so into the 1 at a time mode, a Dr. office called to remind me of an appt. for the next day as I was reaching for the door to appt. #2, I didn't recognize the Dr.'s name at first and paniced for a moment. Dr. #2 told me my BP was high, Duh. I am so not into having 3 surgeries in 4 mos. But I'm still breathing and taking it 1 thing, 1 surgery at a time. Oh yeah crying every so often sure helps. It can release some of the back pressure.
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06-13-2010, 09:58 AM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 592
Hysterectomy: June 28th, 2010
Surgery Type: TAH/SAH
Ovaries: Undecided
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Re: Having a meltdown here, just need to vent!
Thanks everyone. I went to the kitchen this morning where my dh was drinking coffee and thought about spilling my guts but decided he probably wouldnt get it or if he did get it, it's not what he needs as he is leaving me to go to work for the week and needs to focus on that and not worry about me.
My oldest son will get the garden in I am sure and my daughter who is coming to help me during and after surgery for a day or two will weed. Its the other two kids who need a bomb under their butts. Somedays you just wish that something small would happen to scare them into realizing how precious this life is and that they better not take it for granted. It's just so hard when you have no control over things.
My job, I am pretty sure is mine, source is very reliable, its just the stress of "what if" that is getting to me.
Canadian Lady, my mom is going to be in Toronto and then St Catherines and would love to be your mom for a day I am sure! She was broken when I told her my surgery date and I am pretty sure when her plane lands on the 29th she will go home, repack and be on my door step! She is a wonderful mom.
I do feel better now thanks to all of you! Writing it down really helps. I think a journal is a wonderful idea, thanks Tauruslady!
I think a chick flick in on my agenda today, then I'll have an excuse to be sitting there crying, no one will think twice!!
Where would I be without all of you! Thank you so much for all the hugs, advice, support and just for listening to me! I know everyone one of you really gets it because we have all been down this road in one way or another.
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