Feel Guilty that I don't Feel Worse, Anyone Else?

So I am eight weeks post-op and my biggest problem these days is getting my hormones back in shape and when my mom who had one and my therapist who had one tell me it will be months, I practically whimper because of how angry/weepy I am all the time. Its driving me nuts, I literally am driving myself nuts, its insanity.

Beyond that, physically I am sore if I overdo it but I am doing okay. Its not too bad. I actually had to do a lot of heavy lifting about two days ago and then chased my kids around all day and I was sore at the end of the day but in this quiet way, like I knew my muscles had gotten a great work-out at the end of it.

But my problem is, a part of me was really angry at first and still kind of is but at the same time, the bigger part of me is really really relieved that I don't have to have any more mind-numbingly painful, down in bed, can't think, can't move, when is the blood going to stop periods. Because a part of me is still angry that I had to have the hysterectomy (adenomyosis and endometriosis, not fun at all), I feel guilty a lot these days that I feel so relieved, especially since I see the toll it has taken on the women around me who have had a hysterectomy.

I can hurt like they hurt but honestly, the pain is not as much as the relief. And then the guilt kicks in. I don't know how to cope and the mood swings are just making it worse. The HRT is still a work in progress. I just wanted to know if anyone else knew what this was like? And thank you for your input.

Kelly

I feel the same way. I am 3 weeks post op and have moments of just pure happiness because the pain I had before my surgery is gone. I have told my husband that I am excited at the fact that it is over and we can move on to getting my life back. I thought it was strange that I had these feelings. I am also weepy and emotional. I am glad you posted your thoughts. Thank you.

The only reason you should justify experiencing guilt over feeling so well post-op compared to others is if you feel and show no compassion for those who are having a harder time of it or if you are gloating to them about how well you are. As long as you are being supportive and sensitive to their needs, I can't imagine they begrudge your good outcome. You are very fortunate and that is nice for you, so allow yourself to enjoy it.

Thank you both for your encouragement and acceptance. I haven't been mean to anyone else who has been hurting over their loss, not in the slightest. And the two of you posting back that not only was I not alone in my feelings of relief but that I should enjoy it, guilt free, that helped so much more than you know! Thank you so much

You feel guilty because it's so easy, but maybe you have some more compassion to give *yourself*. It doesn't sound like it really has been all that easy, it's just hard in different ways than you were expecting.

And by goodness you seriously deserve all the relief and the ease you are being given. We have all paid our dues plentifully, no need to pay extra in guilt.

Besides, is there anyone that benefits from your feeling guilty? It's a hard habit to break (and is totally being aggravated by the hormones) but it doesn't serve you or anyone else.

Embrace your joy and healing and help to show others it's okay to do the same. That's a substantial challenge for so many of us.

Thank you so much for sharing. I'll keep you in my heart.

MissBee, you make a lot of sense, no one benefits from my feeling guilty and it is being aggravated by the hormones and before the hysterectomy, it really wasn't all that easy for me.

Thank you so much for your wisdom and compassion, I hope you have that going on for yourself as well I'll be thinking about you since you are still somewhat early on in your recovery.

Brightest Blessings,
Kelly

Thanks Kelly. I can so use that right now. When it comes to myself I'm dumb as a post.

As an example:

My sister was here visiting to help me out. It was wonderful and I was healing so much easier than I expected. We had a lovely time. In the middle of her visit I took a bite of meat that had gone bad. Instead of spitting it out, I swollowed it because I was being polite and I've been paying for it ever since.

If I'd been smart I would have spit it out. Barring that I would have stopped eating so much after the offending bite and increased my probiotics. But I didn't, so 8 days later I'm still a walking ball of misery.

Which is all to say that when it comes to me, I'm pretty blind. But I've learned a lot about dealing with post operative intestinal bacteria. Woohoo!

It got bad enough today that I went to the doctor. I've lost nearly 20 pounds in the last three weeks. Thank goodness I got kinda fat over the last two years otherwise I'd be worried. Or rather, I'd be really worried.

That's probably too much information but I wanted to let you know that I extra appreciate your kindness today, 'cause I feel like toasted dog barf.

Thank you,

Aimee

Oh my goodness Aimee, that's kind of awful, next time skip politeness, be blunt, it will save you so much trouble. I am happy that you can look at the positive side of getting food poisoning but I feel for you because I can't imagine your belly is feeling good at all right now.

So is the weight loss good or bad? I am worried cause its not healthy for your heart or the rest of your body to lose weight that rapidly unless a part of it was to do with the hysterectomy? I'm shoving my foot in my mouth there, sorry. What I meant to say was I feel for you getting ill like this after a hysterectomy and I hope that the weight loss is a good thing for you cause its still a worrying thing for me to lose that much weight so fast! Although if you had food poisoning, I can understand how that would happen.

I hope you have been taking good care of yourself, lots of rest, heating pads or ice packs as needed for pain plus books, t.v. anything you've needed for you to rest. Make sure to get lots of sleep, especially since you are recovering from an infection as well.

I am thinking of you and hoping that you get better as time goes on. *hugs*

Kelly