post op dark night of the soul

I am 52 post menopausal childless school teacher I have a great family friend and work support group but have had a hard time with anxiety pre surgery and feeling lost in my soul post op. I had a teratoma on my overy that was grapefruit size when discovered during a routine yearly exam. I had no pain or problems and thought I was done with menopause. Never did HRT. My pre op stress test was great. My heart stopped for 12 seconds at beginning of surgery then came back only to stop again for7seconds. Then everything was strong and surgery proceeded and was successful.
It's been 2 weeks drs say I'm doing great. But I feel myself falling into a spiritual void. I have never had any issues with getting older or losing my femininity. I am not on heavy pain meds.
Anyone have any insights?

I was experiencing some emotional issues, crying, etc. I am two weeks post op and had to stay in hospital for 5 days. I was depressed. Doc started me on a low dose of HRT, which has helped. I know there are some herbals, too. Talk to doc. There is no reason to suffer. PS...I am a h s teacher, and we need to be at our best upon return, so don't feel bad about taking meds, even an antidepressant if needed.

Hi. I'm sorry you're feeling lost. It's good you have, as you say, a good support network of friends and family.

There are some things that occur to me, that I've also thought about in the wee hours when I was alone with less than happy musings.

There is a lot of emotion involved in this surgery. I notice you said you don't mind the "loss of femininity." That fear is a biggy for women, and begging your pardon, it's fallacious. We're still women. We still love the things we loved before a hysterectomy, the removal of our ovaries doesn't change us into a different person altogether.

But, the avalanche of emotions before the surgery, and the relief of survival plus the immediate raw post-op reactions to the general anesthesia, the first impressions of other people's reactions, can lead up to a big feeling of letdown as the crisis response ebbs.

There's a lot of, for lack of a better word, drama, in this surgery. I don't mean that in any disparaging way. There are a lot of powerful ups and downs emotionally, for us and the people who care about us. As healing proceeds and people who've supported us begin to relax and act as though all is well (as it is for them, they aren't in our bodies and they want and need us to be well so they believe we are all better sooner than is true), the frightening and the loving upheavals become the long haul of movin' on.

Doctors can prepare us for surgical requirements and risks. But people don't generally talk about the aftermath, because they all seem to assume that when our surgery is over and the stitches start to heal and we have medicines we can take, we're on our own and we're expected to resume life as it was, but something has changed and it isn't something people seem to understand. Some of us think the change is the loss of womanhood, for lack of reference. It's normal to feel grief, our bodies have been wounded, healing is a long process and body and soul aren't mutually exclusive. We're strong women, we have to be, but our bodies have experienced a powerful shock and it takes time and sometimes more long-term care, to recover.

We do understand, here. We're all in this, feeling relief, feeling loss, and feeling confusion, and feeling blah from physical pain and fatigue and emotional letdown. That's the long dark night of the soul. What happened to us? Why did it happen? How do we move on? Why don't people seem to understand?

If you think your long night is extending into your days and is becoming consuming, please talk to a doctor and get counseling. Depression is serious and self-perpetuating. The need for surgery, the shock of surgery, the aftermath of this kind of surgery, and the issues it all raises during the holiday season in particular can be the perfect recipe for onset of depression.

You aren't alone. Thank you for your honesty, and we do "get it".

	Quote:
Originally Posted by tennessee70 I was experiencing some emotional issues, crying, etc. I am two weeks post op and had to stay in hospital for 5 days. I was depressed. Doc started me on a low dose of HRT, which has helped. I know there are some herbals, too. Talk to doc. There is no reason to suffer. PS...I am a h s teacher, and we need to be at our best upon return, so don't feel bad about taking meds, even an antidepressant if needed.

I teach k and never worry about taking meds lol. Thz for advice. Going to dr tomorrow and will ask. This is one hard way to get some time off lol

	Quote:
Originally Posted by gnomelady Hi. I'm sorry you're feeling lost. It's good you have, as you say, a good support network of friends and family. There are some things that occur to me, that I've also thought about in the wee hours when I was alone with less than happy musings. There is a lot of emotion involved in this surgery. I notice you said you don't mind the "loss of femininity." That fear is a biggy for women, and begging your pardon, it's fallacious. We're still women. We still love the things we loved before a hysterectomy, the removal of our ovaries doesn't change us into a different person altogether. But, the avalanche of emotions before the surgery, and the relief of survival plus the immediate raw post-op reactions to the general anesthesia, the first impressions of other people's reactions, can lead up to a big feeling of letdown as the crisis response ebbs. There's a lot of, for lack of a better word, drama, in this surgery. I don't mean that in any disparaging way. There are a lot of powerful ups and downs emotionally, for us and the people who care about us. As healing proceeds and people who've supported us begin to relax and act as though all is well (as it is for them, they aren't in our bodies and they want and need us to be well so they believe we are all better sooner than is true), the frightening and the loving upheavals become the long haul of movin' on. Doctors can prepare us for surgical requirements and risks. But people don't generally talk about the aftermath, because they all seem to assume that when our surgery is over and the stitches start to heal and we have medicines we can take, we're on our own and we're expected to resume life as it was, but something has changed and it isn't something people seem to understand. Some of us think the change is the loss of womanhood, for lack of reference. It's normal to feel grief, our bodies have been wounded, healing is a long process and body and soul aren't mutually exclusive. We're strong women, we have to be, but our bodies have experienced a powerful shock and it takes time and sometimes more long-term care, to recover. We do understand, here. We're all in this, feeling relief, feeling loss, and feeling confusion, and feeling blah from physical pain and fatigue and emotional letdown. That's the long dark night of the soul. What happened to us? Why did it happen? How do we move on? Why don't people seem to understand? If you think your long night is extending into your days and is becoming consuming, please talk to a doctor and get counseling. Depression is serious and self-perpetuating. The need for surgery, the shock of surgery, the aftermath of this kind of surgery, and the issues it all raises during the holiday season in particular can be the perfect recipe for onset of depression. You aren't alone. Thank you for your honesty, and we do "get it".

Thank u so much! Your words ring so true. I believe most ladies need this type of sounding board to clarify our emotions. Well I do at least. Thz for being here and helping me.
U get a golden star for your crown in heaven for this good deed!

I'm feeling very similar. My surgery was dec 7th. I still have my ovaries though and was told I wouldnt have any depression symptoms. This feeling knocked me off my feet. I know what you mean, people dont understand if they havent been thru it. People say just enjoy your time off work, wow, I'd rather be working 20 hr days than feeling like this. I feel it slowly fading though, hopefully it gets better. My uncle had a long surgery a year ago and he came out feeling very much the same. Which makes me wonder if it also may have to do with the anesthesia or the general trauma of undergoing a body changing surgery. hang in there. It has to get better as we heal.

You too! I am feeling better today. First time I can say that. So just wait another endless week.
Take good care

The posts here have been incredibly insightful and compassionate... it's been such a gift. I've realized what a rare gift it is to have people in your lives (usually women?) who get it; friends or family that you can talk to and they understand or listen unconditionally. Not all of my friends are that way, but I am blessed with a handful. That aside, this surgery is deeply emotional and physically invasive. It touches more than just the body, but also our mind and, especially, our spirit. You can't fool body, mind and spirit! This is why compassion and self love in our healing -however long that takes- is key.

Love & blessings to my hyster sisters!

Also.. If both ovaries were taken & you feel unraveled, maybe talk to your doctor about HRT or BHRT. I get bio-identical testosterone pellets and they are a LIFE SAVER for energy, depression & more, including libido!
But... One thing at a time