How do I explain to people that I will not be able to do everything after surgery

I am a person that does everything for everyone on a daily basis. I have 2 kids (8 and 19 mo) 3 dogs and a husband. Very active in my kids' sports and school. I was asked last night how do I plan on taking care of the kids the week after my surgery. My surgery is on a Thursday. So Monday I will be on my own with the kids an other activities. I don't think my husband understands that I will be down for longer then my usual post op time. Which is usually only 4 days, with any of my past surgeries. I'm not sure how I can explain this to him. Seeing as he doesn't seem to be interested in talking about it. I don't have money to pay a high school girl to come and help, and I'm not sure how much help I can get from my mom. So I'm getting really upset about this on top of worring about the surgery itself. Thank goodness I have this website! Thanks ladies!

What type of surg r u getting? Open incision lap davinci? Maybe if u took ur husband w u to the doctors w u ur doctor can explain the severity of the surgery. My husband took 12the weeks off from work w only 6have being paid because he knew i needed to heal meaning no lifting no housework nothing. I too have two children 4 and 8 and i am now i think 9 weeks post op and still have swelly belly after doing too much and still have belly soreness. I can tell u the nurse and/or doctor will go over ur discharge instructions w u and they will explain all ur do's and dont's so make sure ur hubby is there to hear them. I am a stay at home mom so i was in the same position as u. If u r not able to have any help u might want to think about postponing surg until u have someone with u for at least 2 weeks. I didnt get out of bed for the first week to do anything but use the bathroom and shower. U only have one time to heal and u could do harm to urself if u do not follow the orders ur doctor gives u. Good luck.

There is a Mr hystersister site here, I've never looked at it but maybe it has things to help. There are also post op lists here you might print out. Some ladies have their husband watch a youtube video of your type surgery as a reality check. I'm sorry your DH is not more supportive yet but maybe some specifics on what you will and won't be able to do will help. I hope he comes around, best wishes your recovery is easy and speedy.

I agree, your doctor may be able to help. Can you bring him to your pre-op? Or, if not, maybe your doctor can say a word or two to him before the surgery.

My biggest concern is your 19-month old. You absolutely will need help with him (or her).

Good luck.

I agree with the answers above, and if your dh can't take time off to help, do you have a worship place you attend that people may be available to help? We used to have that at my old church and lots of people would divide up duties over however many days needed. Depending on where you live, the local high school may have some type of service club that could also help. Not as far-fetched as it may seem. I once offered to pay a couple girls for some help and they didn't want to take money because they wanted it towards service for their club. When my kids were in high school, they had a number of service hours to fulfill to graduate. Just some ideas! All the best to you!

Thank you for your responses! I'm going to see if he can come with me to the pre-op appt. I have the page for men up on my lap top and when I am out tonight I'm sure he will be looking up softball stats so he will see it. I'm looking into a teenager I know to see if she needs hours for school. Unfortunately I do not have a place of worship I can count on at this point. Today I spoke to my mom and my mother in law to see when they can help out. I'm finding it really hard to actually ask for the help of people bringing us dinners. Some have offered, it just feels so weird for me. I know that I am just going to have to bite the bullet and accept the help. I'm more worried about the 19mo old.

Hi,
Along with asking for help, I would encourage you to be very organized. I made lists. I set up my recovery area with many things I thought would be helpful (heating pad, book to read, knitting, movies, computer, socks for feet, small fan for hot flashes, water bottle, nuts, seeds, trail mix, beef jerkey, crackers, tuna packets, peanut butter, plastic dinnerware, napkins, paper plates, pain meds, chap stick, aromatherapy, kleenex, cell phone, walkie-talkies, emergency whistle, pads, etc. etc.). I purchased a utility tray and loaded it up with all my bedside items. I got ideas from several of the ladies on the forum.

I had a refrigerator / ice chest nearby and kept Ensure, V-8, jello, pudding, applesauce, extra water, etc.

I planned easy menu's for microwave or easy cooking in the oven that my husband fixed when he got home at night (pre-made hamburgers, turkey burgers, hot dogs, pot pies, lean cuisines / tv dinners and pre-made meals (soups, pasta, canned meals, etc.)

I stocked up on fruit for easy snacking.

Clean your house and do laundry right before your surgery date. Learn to love the dust bunnies for a bit. Arrange towels and any bathroom supplies at easy reach.

Set up ahead of time contained areas for your children with easy access to diapers, etc. on the floor or some way for your young children to come up on your bed or sofa without you lifting. I couldn't lift anything over 10 lbs for 6 weeks.

Organize games, snacks and movies for them. I had a little dog that I couldn't lift and had to keep him contained on a leash that I could grab from a wall hook and take him outside. Water and food were kept on the floor and I was able to get up off the floor carefully after a couple days. You might have to be creative for a few weeks with your children so they are safe.

Plan for the worst and hope for the best. That was what I did and I used many of the items I put in place for a smooth recovery. My husband stayed home 1 week to help me. After that I went slow and careful. You will be wanting to rest and sleep for the first couple weeks.

Practice saying the word "no". I really didn't start bouncing back until about 7-8 weeks and I only had a little dog (no children). You only get one chance to heal correctly. Don't rob yourself of that time.

Best of luck to you with your surgery and your healing journey.

	Quote:
Originally Posted by goldenlife Hi, Along with asking for help, I would encourage you to be very organized. I made lists. I set up my recovery area with many things I thought would be helpful (heating pad, book to read, knitting, movies, computer, socks for feet, small fan for hot flashes, water bottle, nuts, seeds, trail mix, beef jerkey, crackers, tuna packets, peanut butter, plastic dinnerware, napkins, paper plates, pain meds, chap stick, aromatherapy, kleenex, cell phone, walkie-talkies, emergency whistle, pads, etc. etc.). I purchased a utility tray and loaded it up with all my bedside items. I got ideas from several of the ladies on the forum. I had a refrigerator / ice chest nearby and kept Ensure, V-8, jello, pudding, applesauce, extra water, etc. I planned easy menu's for microwave or easy cooking in the oven that my husband fixed when he got home at night (pre-made hamburgers, turkey burgers, hot dogs, pot pies, lean cuisines / tv dinners and pre-made meals (soups, pasta, canned meals, etc.) I stocked up on fruit for easy snacking. Clean your house and do laundry right before your surgery date. Learn to love the dust bunnies for a bit. Arrange towels and any bathroom supplies at easy reach. Set up ahead of time contained areas for your children with easy access to diapers, etc. on the floor or some way for your young children to come up on your bed or sofa without you lifting. I couldn't lift anything over 10 lbs for 6 weeks. Organize games, snacks and movies for them. I had a little dog that I couldn't lift and had to keep him contained on a leash that I could grab from a wall hook and take him outside. Water and food were kept on the floor and I was able to get up off the floor carefully after a couple days. You might have to be creative for a few weeks with your children so they are safe. Plan for the worst and hope for the best. That was what I did and I used many of the items I put in place for a smooth recovery. My husband stayed home 1 week to help me. After that I went slow and careful. You will be wanting to rest and sleep for the first couple weeks. Practice saying the word "no". I really didn't start bouncing back until about 7-8 weeks and I only had a little dog (no children). You only get one chance to heal correctly. Don't rob yourself of that time. Best of luck to you with your surgery and your healing journey.

Holy cow u were definitely prepared. That utility tray was the best!!!!!!

Good luck with your DH. Taking him on your pre-op apt sounds like the best plan. Ask the Dr to explain things to "him". Ask the Dr what to expect when you come home to recover. Ask what are the do's and don't s on what you can do and for how long. That way he won't think you're getting the Dr to get after him.
My DH is taking one of his vacation weeks when I come home to recover. My D.R. says that I will be in hospital for at least 3 days if not more depending on how it went and how I'm "coming along". She said it would be 6 weeks or more before I could lift anything or do any kind of housework. She said it's easy to mess this up if I do too much too soon so you need to ask for help. I am the same as you. I do everything for everybody but I am lucky that my children are 20 and 21 yrs old. I still do too much for them all the laundry, cooking and cleaning and my 20 yr old still does not drive so that's going to be a problem for school but I did ask my mother and mother in law to help and they said they would.
I agree with the organization of everything you'll need. That's my plan. I am doing all that I can with the house and trying to keep up so I won't be crazy with the house when I get home.
Good luck with everything and Don't be afraid or embarrassed to ask for help. That's what friends and family's are for!