Cervical cancer issues

Hi Ladies -

This is my very first post to the forums, though I have been lurking since Friday. I'm attempting to learn everything I can about hysterectomies after my last doctor appointment when I was told that I need to consider having my cervix removed.

My story is similar to some others I have read. I've struggled for years with abnormal paps coming back. If I have to have one more cone biopsy, colposcopy, or LEEP done... *sigh*

I have so many emotional issues going on right now. I have been a basket case all weekend, even though I know I have time to prepare myself mentally for this procedure.

The worst part of it all is that my husband and I were allowing fate to determine if we were going to have one more child before my next birthday. Essentially, my practitioner has informed me that with my abnormal paps starting nine months ago, now is not a good time for us to be trying to conceive. To make matters worse, her suggestion that I have a hysterectomy came as a complete surprise.

Perhaps the biggest issue of all is trying to come to grips with the reasons behind all of this. My husband knew he had herpes before we were married, but he did not tell me. When I inevitably found out when I became infected, I asked him to please get himself tested for other STDs, and he refused. His logic was, "If I am going to die from one, I don't want to know about it." Unfortunately, he also gave me HPV, which, combined with the herpes is wreaking havoc on my immune system (see recent research on the combination of the two viruses in causing cervical cancer).

While my husband sounds like an oaf from what I have mentioned of him, he is not. He has learned a great deal and has many regrets. He took off work Friday without me asking to go to my appointment with me. He took a hairbrush and brushed my hair to comfort me. When I broke down in the parking lot of the doctor's office on our way home, he held me and cried with me. The man is consumed by guilt, and sadly, I feel somewhat better in knowing that.

I have a long road ahead of me. I have to forgive, I have to let go. I have to learn to accept and to cope. I have to figure out how to turn off these pesky tears which keep sneaking into my eyes.

Thank you for this site. I feel so much less... alone.

-Deena

Deena,
Sister, I wish I could reach out and you. Your post brought tears to my eyes. I am 7 wks post op today-from a hyst that I had to have, due to cervical cancer. I had been through the colps and everything else......and the time came that I had no alternative. I, too, had hopes of having one more baby. All of that came to a crashing end when the Dr. told me that even IF I ignored the cancer and tried to conceive, that my cervix would NEVER hold.....I was devestated. When I found this web site, I was alone and sad, and felt hopeless. Through this web site, I have found strength and love, support and knowledge. I won't tell you that it was easy for me, but I got through it all, and only with the help of all of my Hyster Sisters. You mentioned preparing yourself emotionally for the proceedure-you are a very strong person, just from what I have read from you.....believe me, if you need a shoulder to cry on, there are thousands here. I cried so many times a day up until 2 weeks pre op, that I had to keep my office door closed all day. I understand that you are going through a situation that will take forgiveness, and patience....but remember this, you are never alone. I am sorry that you are going through this situation....and though it may not be much, I can offer my friendship....and hope that you'll take advantage of it, if you ever need someone to listen, or if you have questions, etc. Please remember something that is very important-YOUR HEALTH is the MOST important thing, here. The road may seem long, but at 7 weeks post op, I can promise you this, the WAIT was the WORST part!


S

Dear Christy,

Thank you so very much for your kind and compassionate reply. was so very touched by your words of support and understanding.

You, and other women like yourself here at Hyster Sisters, are an inspiration to me. When I read about other women who have experienced my same situation and gone through similar emotions, I am encouraged. If other have made it through this, so will I.

I keep trying to tell myself to be thankful for the wonderful life that I have outside of this problem, and to be grateful for modern medical procedures that are available to me. I know that not so many years ago, this condition would have meant a young demise for me.

My poor husband is so consumed by his feelings of guilt. He just keeps telling me how sorry he is and how he wishes he had been so much more responsible in his younger years. He truly didn't realize the consequences of not learning more about the disease(s) he had contracted, and how important it was to any woman with whom he might later become involved (me). He's been a faithful husband and my closest companion for so very long. He's a superb father and provider for our family. He doesn't go out with "the guys" and has even refused business trips. He has told his manager that he is a husband and father, first and foremost in this life. He wants to come home to his family every night.... Still, right now, I struggle with whether or not I desperately need him or I want to run away whenever I see him. Is that normal for a woman in my situation? You probably don't know, as at least that portion of your experience doesn't sound quite like mine.

Also, I may have been a bit confusing in my first post. I meant that "this round" started nine months ago. As I mentioned, I've had problems for years.

I just feel so overwhelmed with the realization right now... Like you, in the past I was told that I may not be able to conceive again, and even if I did become pregnant, that I might have difficulties with miscarriages or carrying a child to term. I just feel like I've so suddenly come to the end of that road... without warning... so unnaturally prematurely. It's so nice to know people like you, Christy, can comfort me with words and similar stories through which you have prevailed.

Thank you for reminding me that my health is most important. I seem to keep forgetting that part. I've been wandering around in a fog...

Hugs and much appreciation,

Deena

Dear Deanna-

I am so sorry to hear of your recent news and can only offer you a shoulder to lean on. I understand the devastation you feel and can share my story with you as the beginning of what I hope will be a friendship between us.

My daughter was born October 13, 2001 on my husband's birthday. I have never been ill, never had an abnormal pap, textbook pregnancy, etc. At my 8 week check-up my doctor performed a pap which came back positive, with abnormal glandular cells. 3 months later, a repeat pap came back completely normal. 3 months later (September of this year) another abnormal pap, with abnormal cells again.

My doctor performed colpo, endometrial and cervical biopsies. The endometrial biopsies (he took 8 snips of my uterine wall) came back completely normal, however the cervical biopsy came back with Carcinoma in situ of my cervix. So, on October 17th he performed a cone biopsy and due to a soft cervix, he also did a d/c of my uterus to gain extra tissue.

Those results came back cervical carcinoma in situ AND severe dysplasia of the uterine tissue. We began scheduling my hysterectomy that day!

As I mentioned before, I have a daughter -- the one child I always wanted. We were certain a long time ago that we only wanted one, however, losing the 'option' of ever having another has hit me harder than expected. Also, the thought of knowing I will never feel a baby moving inside me again breaks my heart (I LOVED BEING PREGNANT!)

But, more important than all those things and the thing weighing most heavily on my mind is the mere thought of my baby girl growing up without her momma. Also, I cannot live my life wondering whether the cancer is growing more and more. It's killing me just waiting 6 weeks to have the surgery. The thoughts and dreams I'm having are outrageous and now I'm wondering what the chance is that my ovaries are involved by the time I have the hyst. After all, in two weeks time I went from having no uterine involvement to having severe dysplasia. And in 3 months, I went from a normal pap to carcinoma in situ.

How do we get through this? What is the answer? I feel so completely exasperated...uneasy...emotional...tormented!





Laura

While my situation is not nearly as scarey as either of your's, there is no cancer in my diagnosis, still I lend my support and prayers for you. How do you get through it ... ? Just rely on the love of your family and trust in the proficiency of your DRs. If you believe in God, trust in His Love for you. Jesus said he wouldn't give us more that we could carry with His help. Ask for it every day. Rather than asking for strength, ask Him to BE strength within you.

Cherish the family that you have and look beyond the date of your surgeries to a healthy future. I'll keep you in prayer.

Sammy

Deena -

This fellow Oregonian offers a shoulder to lean on!!!!! If you're in the Portland/Salem area, we should get together with another Oregonian or 2 I have found on this site.

They always say laughter is the best medicine, so let's find something absurd every day. I don't have the cancer part, but believe me, I can relate with you!

Take care, and here's a not-so-far away

Christy, Laura, Sammy and Shanniemac,

Thank you so very much for responding to me! I read the notes yesterday, and I have to say that I honestly felt BETTER yesterday evening than I have since my appointment on Friday. I have kept coming back to look at what you girls have had to say to me, even though I haven't had time to respond until now (I even saved the notes so that when my time to become a princess draws near, I'll be able to read them for comfort).

Christy, you helped me to refocus a bit and regain sight of what this is really about - my HEALTH. You did so by telling me a story about yourself which made me feel so very much like you - as if we are related not only in experiences, but also in emotions. Thank you!

Laura, you too! How is it that I have been fortunate enough to find other women who UNDERSTAND what I am going through?!? Wow! Your note was so very touching and scary at the same time. I know the feeling. My last bout with cervical dysplasia moved much faster from mild to severe than any of my healthcare staff expected. That's part of the reason why I know that despite my fears and sadness, my practitioner was undoubtedly right when she made her recommendation to me. Also, like you, I have loved being pregnant and have considered my motherhood position my most important role in my life. To have the option of having another child torn from me is... outside of my capabilities to find words to describe.

Sammy, thank you so very much for the prayers and support you have offered my newfound friends/sisters and me! It is women like you who remind me that when I feel slightly crazy with helplessness and lack of control, I need to rely on powers of peace and healing greater than my own. Thank you for reminding me to cherish that which I have. You are wise beyond expression.

Shanniemac, hello to a very close neighbor! Yes, I am in the Portland/Salem area! I was born and raised in Salem, and currently reside with my family in Aloha. I'd love to get together over lunch, or invite some fellow sisters over for an afternoon of chatting and relating. What a neat idea!

Ah, girls, I just cannot tell you how much it has helped me to hear your words and stories! All of them! What a relief to know I will have this site to which to return whenever I feel alone and scared, or misunderstood and anxious. What a supreme comfort! Thank you so very much for taking the time to talk to me and to help settle my mind a bit.

I'm so glad I found Hyster-Sisters and so many others who know how I am feeling! Boy, am I ever grateful I found the courage to post my message(s).

Many, many hugs!

Deena

Hiya!

Name the time and place and we'll band together!!!

(((Deena)))

There are many women here who have found themselves in similar situations. HPV is a really tough virus because unless you are having blatent symptoms, it's really hard to detect. And even if DH had gone to be checked for other STD's there's a pretty good chance that unless he had a visible lesion, they would not have detected the HPV. Most research studies show that 50-80% of women carry HPV. There are many varieties of it. Most women who have HPV do not know they have it, and do not develop cervical cancer. It seems only the minority of us can't seem to fight off .

I also had a very long history with abnormal PAPs, colposcopies, cone biopsy, cryotherapies, LEEP since 1987, resulting in a TAH in 2001. I was fortunate to be able to have children (6), but when the news of the TAH came I really felt cheated. I just wasn't sure that one more baby girl wasn't waiting in the wings for me. And I cried for months about that--even after the surgery. I hated that the choice was taken away from me. But almost 2 years after the surgery I feel so much better. We still need to be watched closely as there is always the risk of vaginal cancer (a very small risk), but I feel like my odds of beating this are so much better.

And remember, you can help yourself and your immune system by eating right, taking a multivitamin (there is some evidence that a Folic Acid supplement is beneficial), getting regular exercise, and praying or meditating. Keep that stress to a minimum! And you'll need to be in tip-top shape to get through your surgery anyway. Every little bit helps.

If you are considering the hysterectomy, I still recommend that you go to see a gynecologic oncologist for a second opinion. They are the experts in female cancers, and they may have some additional information for you to consider.

Finally, I would like to extend to you an invitation to join us on Cancer Concerns. There are many of us there in similar situations who would be happy to share their stories and offer you support.

Good luck, Deena! Please let me know if I can be of any further help.