LAVH: Do you really need someone with you at the hospital?

I am scheduled for my surgery on July 21. I have a 50/50 chance of having a LAVH or TAH. So, I won't know how long I'll be in the hospital until I wake up. My husband recently started a new job and does not have a lot of time off built up. I also have 3 boys, a 13 year old and two 6 year olds. The 13 year old watches the other 2 quite a bit, but we are talking long days of him doing that, which I am not comfortable with. I would rather have my husband with them a lot of the time than with me. Is this unrealistic? My parents and brother's family will be on vacation when my surgery is done, so they can't help out like they usually would. I also feel bad shipping them off to a friend's house. I hate asking people for help, can you tell? I always just like to be the one who helps out. :-) I have had surgery before (major back surgery), so I feel like I know what I am in for, somewhat.

Any advice on this would be appreciated. If I have LAVH my hospital stay is 23 hours. If it is TAH, then it is 2 days.
Thanks!

You can get by on your own in the hospital if you can be persistent when necessary to get the care you need. One reason many advocate to have someone with you is that we may not be at our best and could either be medicated or in great pain and not able to clearly communicate to the staff our needs.

My mom or DH stayed with me as much as possible during the day, more to keep me occupied than anything. My hospital was short staffed so even with them to go to bat for me I didn't always get what I needed when I needed it, especially if it required the services of the actual RN. So, I would have been more bored on my own (my stay was extended) but I wouldn't have received any better or worse service. (My MIL took care of our boys.)

If it works best for your DH to be with your kids, at least have someone ready to step in his place if he needs to come to the hospital to be with you.

As hard as it is to ask for help, it really would be good for your family to have some friends, family, neighbors, church members, etc. ready to step in and help. If everyone takes one turn, it can lighten the load for all involved without overwhelming anyone. Teens can also be big helps during a hysterectomy journey!

Best wishes to you and your family!

My husband came to the hospital with me and stayed until I came out of the operating room and got into my own room. He then went home to pick up the kids (they had gone to friends' houses after school) and brought them to see me. Everyone went home by 7:30pm and I was by myself in the hospital until the next morning at 8am. My husband stayed until I was released around 3pm. I was fine staying by myself and you probably will too. My husband took a total of 3 days off under FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act). I would suggest your husband tell HR at work that you will be undergoing surgery but that he does not expect to have to take any time off if there aren't complications. He should then add that if there are complications, he may have to take limited time off and ask about FMLA. If he presents it like this, he is preparing his employer for the possibility but expressing his intention to limit the time off.

Hi. I had my TAH in April. I too do not like to ask people for help and is considered the "rock" of my family. I am the one who helps. My parents are deceased, I am not married and have no children. I had no idea what I was in for as I did not discover this website until after my surgery. Once my fibroids were diagnosed, things moved rather swiftly. I did not find out until Jan. In addition, I have Crohn's Disease. My siblings were with me during the surgery and after. My doctor visited me around 5 that evening. After that, my family left. I can truly say that was one of the most miserable nights of my life. I had slept pretty much the entire day since my surgery was very early in the morning. Even with the morphine, I did not rest like I thought I would. I could not move myself in the bed. I already had back problems. I could not lift myself in the bed or turn myself. The staff closed my door and really did not check on me like I thought they should have-unless it was to check my vitals. I was connected to the IV in my right hand which made it difficult since I am right handed; however, I needed blood and that was the only place they could put it. I was on oxygen, morphine pump, and connected to the urine cath. Then I discovered I had some strange connection on the right side of my stomach that no one told me about. It was a pouch of medicine directly connected to my incision site which made it even more difficult to move. If I had to change anything, I would reconsider my decision to stay by myself the first night. I stayed woke the entire night attempting to get comfortable. When they disconnected me from everything the next morning, I got up out of that bed and "walked that hospital hallway down". I could not take that bed anymore because of my back problems. Walking was difficult; however, I wanted to get out of there. In addition, when I was released I went home alone. I had promised my sister that I was going to her house or she was to come to mine. My sister meant well; however, I am so used to my "peace and quiet". Plus, I am really stubborn and sat in my ways. This was difficult also. I would also rethink this. I wish you the best.

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The 13 year old watches the other 2 quite a bit, but we are talking long days of him doing that, which I am not comfortable with. I would rather have my husband with them a lot of the time than with me.

alli.sunshine, this was key for me. I have 3 kids as well (13, 8, and 5), and was not able to prepare anything before going into the hospital for my TAH (it was an emergency). It was more important and reassuring for me that the kids were being kept to their normal routine, not handed off from place to place, than it was to have my husband sitting there staring at me. It was difficult, because I was in hospital for 2 weeks, but he handled everything like a champ, with some help from our families (who took the kids on weekends so he could have some down time). My gyn surgeon kept him updated on my status by phone, and made time to meet with him when my hubby came to visit me on his lunch hour.

So, I guess I'm saying that if it will remove a source of stress to have your hubby supervising the kids, then that's a good choice for you.

I just got home on Friday from my TAH. I too was worried about needing someone in the hospital. My dh and dd came with me and stayed in a hotel until Thursday then went home and dd came back to get me Friday (2.5 hour drive). Personally I feel that I wasted their time. It was nice to have them there the day of the surgery to wait with me in the morning and to see them when I got back to my room but other then that I was not good company. I slept alot or just didn't feel like visiting. I was also sick for the first 2 days. The nurses were great to come to my aid whenever I needed anything so I could have managed without them. The only thing they did for me that I would have not had was to bring me slirpees on Wed when I was feeling better and did not want to look at the jello etc they offered me at the hospital!
I wish I would have used their time off work for now when my house needs vacuuming and the dishes are piling up because I am stuck at home with all my guys! Girls are both gone away working for the summer!

I was in the hosp for 2 1/2 days after surgery. I had no visitors, which hurt my feelings, but I didn't need them. I slept on and off and had a pain pump. I called the nurse if I needed anything, but I slept most of the first day. It was nice to not be bothered, but I would have liked atleast one visitor. Good luck!!

I do not want DH sitting with my while waiting, waking up, etc. because:
1. There is nothing he can do.
2. He better work so he can take some days / hours off during my recovery at home.
3. He must drive our son to school, feed him, help with homework etc.
4. When I am feeling miserable I am rather aggressive - with strangers I behave myself, but I can't stand anyone fussing over me ( I like to retire like a wounded animal)
5. In case of emergency they can call him.
But this is me cranky old lady!

Well, I am going in August and I am also not having anyone there. My sister is having surgery the day before me and she is outpatient so my daughter is going there to care for my nephew. My surgery is on a Wednesday and my mother is coming up when I'm ready to go home and stay with me until my daughter comes home.
I have been reading and talking to people and am hoping I am making the right decision as well. I am the rock in the family, but really don't think anyone is going to be able to help me while I'm in the hospital. They are just going to sit and watch me sleep, be in pain, or just sit there so I'm going it alone. Good luck and God bless.

In our family, we never let any family member stay in the hospital alone for any extended period of time. We have found it is just better to have a family member or friend there. That is just the way we are. We figure the patient gets better care with an advocate there to be sure the nurses hear and respond to the call bell etc. And, in my case, my dh was able to help me to the bathroom and take walks so that I did not have to call the nurse every time.

That is just our family policy, so to speak.

That said, everyone must to what works for them, or what they have to do depending on their situation. I am sure whatever you end up doing you will be fine.

Best wishes for a quick recovery.