surgery in two weeks (9/17), going crazy

Thanks :-)

leela I completely understand your fears and anxiety. I was such a mess and the ladies on this site were a lifeline for me. Stay with us. There will be plenty of support and you WILL be ok.

I was post menopause and had some light bleeding. Had an ultrasound and MRI. Giant Fibroid and cyst on cervix. I was told it was almost assuredly benign but that did not stop my imagination. I went thru terrible times with all the 'what ifs", fear and anxiety. I lost more than 20 pounds with the worry.

I had two failed in office biopsies and then I had a biopsy and camera scope under anesea. I was SO SCARED it was cancer. It wasn't. The doctors were right in their prediction although careful to be very sure as they should be.

I had a total abdominal hysterectomy on May 31st. When I woke up I was not in pain. In less than 24 hours I was up and walking. I went home after 2 nights and did GREAT. It never was painful at all. In fact a year earlier I had a 30 minute umbilical hernia repair (outpatient) and that was far worse. I did have pain with that.

I am here to tell you that it was not even a little bad. I did everything they told me after surgury. I drank lots of water and took walks. I was amazed how well it all went.

I am doing great now and so very thankful I got everything out. No more cancer worries.

It is going to be ok leela, it really is.

omg Thank you thank you 'NotBrave'.....I am now on Ativan during the day as well as Imovane at night. I have been in a state of full-on panic for the past couple of days and basically non-functional. Thank you so much for this.

8 more days to go...I am so conscious of this huge large lump in my abdomen at all times...it hurts, I can't lean against it or put anything on it (like a book or my laptop) without feeling it pushing back. I'm so scared it's growing hour by hour. I'm so scared I'm going to end up with something terrible (I can't even say the word) and die. I want my life back. I feel so ashamed of my weakness. And I am scared of what damage might be happening to my body by all this stress, not eating, losing weight. Am I damaging my immune system? aargh...

	Quote:
Originally Posted by leela1357 8 more days to go...I am so conscious of this huge large lump in my abdomen at all times...it hurts, I can't lean against it or put anything on it (like a book or my laptop) without feeling it pushing back. I'm so scared it's growing hour by hour. I'm so scared I'm going to end up with something terrible (I can't even say the word) and die. I want my life back. I feel so ashamed of my weakness. And I am scared of what damage might be happening to my body by all this stress, not eating, losing weight. Am I damaging my immune system? aargh...

leela you sound just like me in the weeks before my surgury. I had to take anti anxiety medicine too. But it really is going to be ok. You are going thru the worst part now. When surgery is over it just gets better and better. Remember for your doctors and other health care people this is ROUTINE. It isn't routine for you but it is for them. Trust them and let them do their job. I called my giant fibroid Morty. Humor helps. Take walks and talk to God while walking. Try to turn over the fear to him.

I kept turning it over and then taking it back again over and over. But the time in between doitaking it back got a little longer each time.

The truth is that people like you and me are not going to be able to completely relax and be calm. We aren't made that way. So just try hard to remember what I have told you about my experience. It was so very similar to yours yet all IS well now and no more worries!

God Bless

	Quote:
Originally Posted by NotBrave leela you sound just like me in the weeks before my surgury. I had to take anti anxiety medicine too. But it really is going to be ok. You are going thru the worst part now. When surgery is over it just gets better and better. Remember for your doctors and other health care people this is ROUTINE. It isn't routine for you but it is for them. Trust them and let them do their job. I called my giant fibroid Morty. Humor helps. Take walks and talk to God while walking. Try to turn over the fear to him. I kept turning it over and then taking it back again over and over. But the time in between doitaking it back got a little longer each time. The truth is that people like you and me are not going to be able to completely relax and be calm. We aren't made that way. So just try hard to remember what I have told you about my experience. It was so very similar to yours yet all IS well now and no more worries! God Bless

My fibroid encompassed the inner and outer wall of my uterus..think Nerf Football..I refused to give it a name as it was mean..grew 4 times it's size from 2 yrs ago..I was bleeding/hemorrhaging constantly..had a living situation out of the Beverly Hillbillies with NO love OR humor..left to bleed..no job..My life changed after my hysterectomy..Yes i went crazy and almost killed the ex..yes he was the ex one day after surgery..lol..we had been growing apart for over a year..but I found a place to live..gave myself another year and have a new relationship..a great job..and a wonderful man who I would not have had the balls..heeheehee..to even think of approaching before the surgery..stay strong..think positive..ask God to take the burden you can't handle..we are here for you..huggs my sister..

This site has become an obsession for me. Thanks for replying. My life is very complicated and weird right now. Due to a sequence of events, (my mom got very very sick, was in the hospital in another city for 5 months, me running around from her town where she has her business, to Vancouver, back to my own town, on ferries. Staying in hotels in Vancouver because of no relatives there) I had to spend a lot of money I didn't have. I am a dog groomer. Now since June this year I have been making a new dog grooming shop so I would have a place to work again. And I had to build it on high interest credit because I am broke. I have exhausted all my financial options. The shop opened on Aug. 6th. My clients are starting to trickle back. The condensed version of this story is I am now technically homeless (I live in a room in the back of my grooming shop, ilegally) and alone. I haven't really worked since last year. And now I will have to take some unknown amount of time off work again. I am in severe debt. I want to be able to take advantage of this next week to at least make money to help myself...but I have become basically nonfunctional.

I am signed up for two university classes which are just starting this week. I'm wondering if I should withdraw from them as I might have just taken on too much, or if I should stay and try to do them as they will keep my occupied during recovery time. I keep reading posts about how tired and unmotivated people are after surgery. Will I even be able to study and focus?

You may want to put off the classes for this time period. It can be very hard to concentrate, and you will be exhausted for a while. I knew some women in my recovery group that tried to to classes and it was difficult.

Remember, healing during recovery will be the most important thing in your life. To do that, you will need to rest, rest, rest. You only get one chance to heal right.

Okay, you are probably right. I was just thinking that 6 weeks is a long time, maybe it would keep me from going stir-crazy....

I know, and you will go a bit stir crazy. But you body trumps brain during recovery. Get some light reading books, magazines, DVDs, etc. It is just so hard to concentrate on anything serious during this time.