family members don't agree

Hello ladies -

Now that the superbowl is on, I can get back to my computer without my DH asking what I'm doing that's so interesting! I had to watch the national anthem though - I always cry for that. This time, I was even more sappy. DH just giggles that I'm so touchy-feely.

I just told my oldest sister and father about my decision for a hysterectomy and both are pressuring me to reconsider. My father wants a little theo - only because he's sentimental. My older sister thinks I'm being to0 radical and not trying other approaches! She doesn't understand the disability of endo.

My mother and younger sister on the other hand are totally supportive and know that the time is right for this decision. DH has wanted this for the last three years. As per my former posts, I'm trying to be really upbeat and positive, but my oldest sister is making me feel guilty! Yes, I know, it's dysfunctional. How do I get the two naysayers off my back? I'm thirty-five and independent...how can I take this experience and make it positive for them.

Why do I have to justify my decision? Argh! I'm so frustrated!

You've got the righ attitude heading your way and it's just mingling with guilt stuffs: you are your own person and you don't have to justify ANYTHING to them. It's simply nice if they'd be a bit more understanding. And, unfortunately, it's tough to get that understanding when they've never been through the pain. I'm sorry about the problems you're having with your family, but I did the same thing because of Endo and it's been a serious blessing!
- Bekah

Really Bekah? Thanks for the echo of support. Has your life improved greatly since?

I know mine will. I just need to hear it from the other side. Thanks for your support!

Bless!

Hi theo your only doing what is right for you and everyone should respect your wishes for a more healthier and pain free life. If anyone is making you feel guilty about your decision...ask them to walk a day in your shoes and see how quickly they agree with you.

Theo,
Do you want children?
Sheree, Tarzana, CA

Just remind yourself that you are the one who lives with the symptoms, the bleeding, etc... It is so easy for others to make decisions when it is not them living with the consequences. You make the right decision for you. Most of the time naysayers are just afraid of losing you to the unknown. Reasure them and yourself that you are educated about the procedure and that it is an opportunity to remove the negative effect of the endo and make your life much more enjoyable. Knowledge is power!

Thank you for the responses. And for those who wonder, no, I do not want children. I am the first of three daughters to marry at 35 - and I've waited for the right partner. Years ago, I imagined a glamorous life of two children and taking them to school, ballet, soccer, theatre, whatever. But I've grown. I know that I cannot give a child what I want to give - I must work - and my husband's and my job require us to work 12 hour days or to be gone four months out of the year to campaign.

I don't want to be a mother who cannot be there. If I could be a mother, I would be my mom. I simply cannot do that emotionally or physically.

And then goes the diatribe about this world. My work is to develop policies that will enable all of us to live a good and harmonious life. I think that my passion can help numerous children to be the new leaders of this world.

So, yes, I know that a child that I would bear would have the best qualities in the world to be a leader. But also I know, I do not have the faculties to raise that child to exercise his/her true life. My life is best done by helping those who have problems, imagining a world where I would give birth, and ensuring that the future is ripe with love peace and joy.

Truly yours...theo

Dearest Theo -

The decision about how to tackle your endo must be yours - with the advice of your most trusted doctor and, happily for you, the full support of your husband.

It's sometimes hard for folks who haven't had to live with the sometimes wracking effects of endo (or fibroids, or whatever it is that brings any of us to this decision) to understand just how bad it can be. So when THEY are weighing the choices - between your getting pregnant and your having a hyst - they simply aren't weighing the same factors you are weighing.

I spent over ten years struggling with the escalating pain of endo and am now 3 and 1/2 years post hysterectomy. I still refer to it as my "miracle surgery". It has been a real blessing in my life. Mind you, I was VERY clear that I did NOT want to have children, and this of course affected my satisfaction with the surgery.

But please, please - keep doing research, talk with your doctor, and if your family members still give you heartburn, just know that you have a lot of support - starting with that fabulous DH!!!

Good luck with your decision, whatever it may be.

Thank you G Marie -

And everyone who has posted to my post. How to tell that this decision will make my life great again? I honestly think that a lot of women think about their mothers or grandmothers with hysts and think that it was a tragedy to have lost those organds. Now we have so much more to be thankful for and we do not live in the dark ages.

I resent anyone who argues my decision to make myself whole again. I can't imagine what it was like for our grandmas and moms.

God bless women with strength. God bless our lives to have the strength to speak and carry on. We are all loved.

Hi Theo :dance2:

I have put off telling my family that I am having surgery because I know that I am going to hear about how this surgery is done too many times when it is not needed, surgeons are hack happy, blah, blah, blah. On the other hand I know my Mother is going to say "why didn't you tell me sooner?". Then, on top of everything else, my DH and I want to be at home by ourselves with our children when I am recovering (DH and mother-in-law don't get along so well), so I have to tell her that we don't want her to come visit and help out like when we had babies......

I too have endo and my doctor and I feel that this is the best solution for my medical condition. Kaput, end of subject! Now if I can just get my point across to the family....LOL!

Take care all of you lovely hyster-sisters out there!