HELP! Am I a huge fool?

I was dx'd with fibroids (see below signature) two months ago. It came as a complete shock. I thought I had gained weight. Since then I have researched all over, posted tons of questions to this forum, and thinking about my stupid fibroids dominates my life! To make matters worse, I'm on disability from work right now due to extremely severe, prolonged migraines that started when I was 42.

Three great gyn consults have rec'd a vaginal hyst. My latest consult agreed that I can watchfully wait and started me on Mircette to help with the horrific menstrual migraines and hope to stabilize fibroid growth, etc.

Today I have slight cramping (not the time of my period) and a lower backache. I am also VERY, very tired of thinking about this all the time. I seem to be obsessed with it, or something about it (urinary frequency) always is there to remind me. Bleeding is five days only and not bad. Yet the gyns say vag hyst and I am just waiting.

Recently posted to another group which I regret. It was a Yahoo group on uterine artery embolization. This procedure does not appeal to me nor does my gyn surgeon, who is prominent and whose opinions I respect, feel that embolization has enough of a track record yet and without sufficient data to recommend it.

This morning I started thinking what a FOOL I AM! Everyone (not the docs, no one here, but other people online and strangers, friends) are telling me my fibroids are only going to grow and what am I waiting for? I'm afraid of what life will be like after the hyst with hormones, etc. I would probably have my ovaries removed to take the chance my hormonal migraines would improve with ovary removal. I am afraid of all the things I have heard go wrong after a hysterectomy--not complications per se, but things down the road. Vaginal dryness, pain with intercourse, no sex drive, incontinence, etc.

I'm just about going nutty trying to sort through this all. I want to schedule the surgery JUST to get it off my mind but I don't want to do anything unwise. Is it true, could I be such a fool? Here I am watchfully waiting for two months while my fibroids are growing and I'm waiting for what....some new medical therapy like raloxifene or asoprisnil that may not be FDA apparoved for a few more years at best?

Please tell me if I'm a fool. I love all of you here, you're always so kind, and I won't be offended. They are going to grow more right? Do you wonder why I'm waiting? Please be brutally honest with me, please. I'm so upset today with my stupidity. My DH and DD said I'm living my life just drifing along, not moving forward. I know this is true, 99% of that coming from the severe migraines and that disability. I don't want to be like this. I want to serve at church, be like "normal people." I'm so upset with what I've become. Everyday I do nothing but sit around, perhaps run an errand, come back to the house, nap, wake up, hope to be able to make dinner, chat with the family, go to bed. No life. If the hyst would take away the migraines, I would be in the hospital for surgery right now. To complicate things, I seem to be feeling the fibroids more, just adding to my already disabling migraine symptoms. What is wrong with me? Why can't I more forward like so many of you have? Please tell me the truth.

Meg
16-wk-size uterus dx'd two months ago, one 6 cm fibroid, multiple smaller fibroids; urinary frequency; 5-yr history of severe, disabling migraines; mild cramping a new symptom; low backache a new symptom; three gyn consults rec. vag hyst. No date set.

I don't think that you are a fool. I to have 6 cm firbroid . I don't know if I have any more but from what I've read it seems that if you have one fibroid there is more. I also have cysts and endo. I am not sure what stage endo. or what size uterus I have.

All I know is that I have been hurting for a long time. My period is severe and getting worse it seems. I've been having some difficulty trying to cope with thoughts and feelings about never being able to have gods greatest gift. a baby.

The doctor says I should have a total hysterectomy. I am going to have surgery June 21, 2004. I made the appointment. I am driving my self crazy thinking about the hysterectomy.

Yesterday, I went to make the appointment for the hysterectomy, while I was waiting to go in to see the doctor a woman and her little girl came in. I was minding my own business, scared to death and I hear a little voice say "Mommy why is that lady sad?"

I didn't think it showed but my saddness is about to eat me alive and I need to get my head on right.

Meg,
you are not a fool at all. You are an intelligent woman who is trying to do what's best for YOU. The best thing that you can do for yourself is become informed of all aspects of your decision. I know that you have done that.

So, if I may be so bold....what's really holding you back from scheduling this hyst?

I can tell you from my experience that I spent quite a lot of time and energy agonizing over making the decision to go ahead with the hyst. All the while knowing, that this may not be the end of my pain. It COULD come back. If there were guarantees, then the decision would be easy. Unfortunately nobody can guarantee us anything.

I also wanted you to know that the first day I felt good about the decision was the day I actually scheduled the surgery. Since then, I am looking forward to it. I will not back out, I will not change my mind. I know I've done all the alternative treatments, and this is my final option. I too could wait and see, but I have no quality of life right now. It sounds to me like you are in the same boat. We are just "existing" day to day, not "living". I want a chance to live again.

If you want to talk more personally, just PM me.

s and
Tam

Hi,

No, I don't think you're a fool. You seem to be a wise woman who wants to explore her options.

A hysterectomy is a big step. As you mentioned, there are a myriad of problems which can (but not always) accompany this surgery. You have to weigh those possible complications against the symptoms you are experiencing now and determine the best course of action for you. You really don't want to be trading one set of problems for the possibility of another set. It's very important that you feel comfortable with your decision. If you don't feel ready, then don't let anyone else's opinion push you into doing something you're not comfortable with.

Yes, fibroids can grow quickly, but they don't always do so. And sometimes, even if they do grow, they don't cause major problems. I was diagnosed with 3 fibroids in 1998. I didn't have any problems at all with them until 2002. I would not have been ready for a hysterectomy in 1998, but I was more than ready for one in 2002. I had time to explore my options and decide what was best for me, and when the time came, I knew I was ready.

Only you and your doctor can decide what treatment is right for you. Until you are sure this is what you want to do, don't rush it. You'll know when the time is right.

Best wishes and s,

Lisa

You are NOT a fool at all. You are agonizing over a major decision, as all of us are doing, or have done.
My fibroids were found almost a year before my hyst. SURPRISE! 3 of them, each approx 6cm. Typically, fibroids grow very slowly. And MOST do not cause symptoms. Symptoms were not that bad, so we watched. 6 months later, no growth. 4 months after that, I had another ultrasound. My triplets had grown to about 8cm, and now there were new ones also. It was because of that rapid growth that surgery became an option.
Also, I had bad, sharp pain constantly. Pressure on bowels, bladder, and back. And my periods.. UGH!! Everything was getting worse quickly. As days went on, I became more and more drained physically. So, I could name reasons why I felt I needed this surgery. Symptoms we knew were directly caused by the fibroids.
Fibroids usually shrink after menopause. I'm only 40. I didnt want to- no, make that I COULDN'T wait 13 years to feel better.

You have to decide how the fibroids affect your quality of life. Most women seem to choose surgery based on that. I know I did. I was too tired and in too much pain to really be able to enjoy life. Some doctors recomend hyst, but it's up to you to decide if you need it.
I've had D&C and lap surgery. Each was very temporary. The other available options, I chose not to go thru.Personally, I wanted the pain to end,and not have to fear it coming back. It was a good choice.. for ME.

I think my biggest question right now would be.. WHY did docs recommend hyst?

I agree with Shashi, her advice is great. All I can add is.. Don't decide to go thru with surgery just because you want the decision done and over with. This isn't easy. It's the hardest thing I ever had to decide.But I felt extremely confident that I was doing what was right for me.
I'm almost 4 weeks post op now, and still feeling that I did the right thing.