Has this made you closer?

To your hubbie that is?

We have a son with mild autism and we had drifted apart a lot. There is a reason why the divorce rate is 80% plus for parents of Asperger's children. We didn't drift intentionally, we just became so focused on just getting through the day's most mundane tasks, which can be a challenge.

However, since all this came about lately, we are ultra close. We've been paying attention to each other a lot more--closing our door and watching movies together....shooting paintballs at either kid who interrupts. Okay that last part's not true. But it has been a lot of mutual footrubs and massages and hugging and kissing. It is very nice, honestly speaking.

My husband isn't sleeping well at all and is losing weight from lost appetite but hopefully he will make it through this alive. In a rare reversal of fortune, I am calm and he seems to be a basket case these days!

Just curious if I am in the norm or exception.

LL

My DH and I have always been close but yes, in a way I think this surgery brought us together on a different level. He was truly amazing during my journey and still is today.

I know your DH will make it through. It sounds like you have a great relationship!



Deb

My eleven year old son has PPD -NOS high functioning autism so i was worried more about his reaction to all this than hubbys but as it happens all goes well, he was a little unsettled at staying with friends but I do a good game face so when I was rough I hid it and he is doing great. We have no family in America so Hubby was stressed at his perceived responsibilities but my amazing American girl friends got together and every day a meal arrives, kids are picked up and returned and I think he is finally realising I'm on the mend and team USA are running his show. I know my husband misses huggin n kissin as we are very affectionate, snogging in the kitchen and dancing in the hallway and since the operation we are having to be physically distant as i dont want to risk a movement mis read and he ends up knocking into me ...yes it happened he leant down to kiss me on day one and rested his hands and weight on my thighs - not to be recomended as it pulls on your tummy. I have found we are more distant physically and that has made it hard for him. Up until now I'm dealing with getting my mending body through each day so i know he feel strangely left out, i'm hoping that by week 2 we can be cuddly again and he can get back to sleeping in our bed as by then i will be seriously on the mend. so sorry to say feel a little apart from each other which wasnt the case before the surgery.

We have 3 teenaged children, he works long hours, stress is high and we had some drifting of own over the last months....my dh and i have always been close, best friends in fact, but this has definitely helped up pull back together...

2 weeks before my surgery I went downhill fast, and he began to come home early, give me backrubs with expecting it to turn into anything intimate, rubbed my feet....he took off 4 days of work to stay with me in the hospital....and the 2nd week I was home, and the kids were gone off to a conference, he came home early every night and took me for walks at nearby stores because it was too warm outside for me to walk....

He has been an absolute rock! And I appreciate this time for us to reconnect.

Good to hear we aren't the only ones.

This has really brought us back together and pointed out how far we had drifted moment by moment over time. Reality is setting in. Hubbie is alternating between worry, fatigue, anger (at the situation, not me), and fear. It's nice to know I am loved but I worry about him.

Luckily he works from home so not much will change with the household administration. He can handle the house and kids as he already does much of it. In the event I have a problem after surgery and need to go to the ER, he's cool under pressure.

I just can't wait until Aug 9th to get this over and done with.

LL