TVH: another pre op sister freaking out

First, let me say I do not want to be insensitive to the women here that are having hysterectomies and have been unable to have children. Please know I'm just coming from a place in my heart, and I know we've been blessed and I should not be complaining.

Surgery is the 25th. Just like so many, I was fine but now freaking out. I'm 40, have 4 beautiful kids, a great life. A full life. Had our first 2 children before turning 18. By the grace of God, we've conquered many odds and been very healthy and happy.

I've been parenting for more years than I haven't. Four children has been a blessing and enough for us. Why now, when we've been done for 12 years, am I crying over the finality of not having anymore children? We weren't going to, husband had the big V 12 years ago.

Why am I suddently feeling gutted at the thought that now that our baby days are truly done? Those days were done many years ago. We were content with that decision.

Now beyond my above pity party, I'm afraid of the unknown. Afraid that my TVH will be converted, afraid my I'll be cathed for a long time due to bladder repair, afraid the posterior repair will be unbearable, afraid I'll get infection, afraid of any complication that could happen. I'm worried how long my recovery will take and how we will get by with me down for the count.

Sigh. Honestly, I just cant wait for it to be September 26th, and know what it is exactly that I'm facing.

Thanks for listening to my bellyaching. I really feel there is nowhere to go to express these fears. Seems people, including my husband, just don't get it.

This site is so good for the freak outs and venting. I know I've done my share of both. Good luck with your surgery.

Oh boy! You sound like me. lol I did the same thing before my surgery. But, as it turns out, I worried and cried and didn't sleep and did everything that I did all for nothing. I know it's hard to do, but you have to try to concentrate on the positives not the negatives. Think about all of the problems you have been having and everything that you've been dealing with for as long as you have. Then think about how nice it will be when you are healed and feeling better and all of those problems are gone and you get to live your life again. Pain free, no bleeding, whatever your problems are, will be gone. Think about those things, take walks and bubble baths (they will be off limits for a while). Enjoy and make good use this time before you are laying around for a while. For me, I focused on what I do have. My son is my life. He may be the only child I have, but not everyone is given that opportunity, so I'm at peace knowing that I was blessed enough to experience it, even if it was just once. I hope this helps, even just a little.

It is odd. I have a similar situation to yours but have always said I would never have hysterectomy but at point fibroids are diagnosed was tol too bad for alternative treatments.
However, I have got my head round it and not feeling emotional about losing my babies house!!
I am preparing myself for a better life without pain hopefully.

Isn't it strange how once a decision has been taken out of your hands, you want to fight for the right to still be able to make it. I don't have children. I've never wanted them and am very content with my life with my two fur babies. I was 2nd oldest of 7 and have always felt I did my fair share of child rearing with my 5 younger siblings. I still do not want children, and yet, now the decision to have the hysterectomy has been made, I am feeling a strange sense of loss. How can I feel loss for something that was never going to happen, and more to the point, I never wanted to have happen?

So Kimmber, you're not the only one having these feelings. It's taken me completely by surprise that I have this feeling. I'm 45 and don't have a boyfriend, let alone a committed partner I'd be likely to have kids with. Aren't we humans strange creatures?

As for the nerves, I doubt there'd be many people who have major surgery who don't feel those things to a certain degree. It's scary and things can go wrong. We all know that and that's what plays on our minds. But it has to be done or we wouldn't be doing, obviously. For the vast majority, everything turns out fine, even for the people who have a few little hiccups along the way. You will get through this. Hang in there. The 26th isn't far away, and we'll all be here waiting to hear all about it when you get back online.

*big warm hugz*

Kimberly!!

What you are feeling is completely normal. As kay.from.oz said, I'm sure your feelings are because the decision has now been taken out of your hands. It is one thing for you and your husband to decide you are through having children. It is quite another to find out that now, you will never be able to change your mind.

This is a very emotional surgery regardless if you have children or not. There is a sense of loss that we all feel because, quite honestly, we are losing (or have lost) something important to us. There are many women, even women who are post-menopausal, that have this same feeling of loss after (or just before) a hysterectomy. It is a hard thing to wrap your head around, I know.

Just know that your feelings are normal and you are not alone. For most women, with time, the feelings of loss and sadness will diminish and eventually go away completely. Until then, know that you have all of us here to lean on and to vent to whenever you need.

Thank you all. I'm feeling a but better about this as in watching the sunrise this morning. Being bedridden today because bleeding, nightmare cramps and backache from hell, has quickly reminded me exactly WHY I'm doing this.

I appreciate all of your kind replies.

Kimmber- omg your story sounds almost like mine. Here I am at work high on Tylenol 3 just to get through due to horrid cramps reminding me why I have to hav this done on Monday 24th so I'm a bit sooner than you. I am having davinci but also having bladder sling and organ repair. Only ovaries to be left when it's all said and done. I am terrified but I also know I just can't continue to bleed for 26 days a month - and this after the ablation failed. My hubby doesn't get it either he doesn't understand why I have been so weepy and anxious so far out. Well honestly I am way better now that it's closer and I'm having so much pain. I just want to get it don't so I can feel better. I am terrified of the catheter. I too don want to have to have it in when I am awake. I think too that we attach a stigma to our lady bits as what makes us a woman. I have two beautiful children that are complete gift as I had cervical cancer stg 1 when I was 19 and was told I would not be able to hve children. Needless to say I showed them up. Now thr I am here and my baby making shop is closed I am also feeling that finality of never being able to ever again. Not that I would want to its just being told that this is a definite no afterwards takes away the security feeling of being a woman. Guess what. We are still women. And strong ones at that. Your not alone dear. We can all freak out together and laugh about it after. After all we are sisters whether it be because we are having this procedure in common or because we are women and human. Love to you. We will be great!!!!